sarahevie's single quest to mortgage freedom

sarahevie1 · 17 March 2017 at 10:44PM

Feeling well and truly stuffed after pub tea with ex and kids. Ex paid but did get a round of drinks £6. Used my monthly play pass. Not quite sure how to tell ex that this hanging out and helping reconcile with kids is not a green light for getting back together. He stayed over last night as I didn't get in til half 11. He's currently in my bed watching tv with two of the kids fast asleep whilst Im in dd3s bedroom.

We had a massive row tue as he forgot to pick kids up again, school had a huge go at me about it. Keep telling myself mental health problems are as serious as physical and to think compassionately but it's hard!

A local gym, spa country club has offered teachers at my school unlimited free access over easter hols so will defo be taking advantage!

The accountant came over Wednesday just sat talking and drinking tea. Less awkward this time when he left he just Said see you soon, think he's getting the same vibe as me, friends only.

sarahevie1 · 19 March 2017 at 10:37PM

Spending last seven days

£11.50 new light bulbs
£65 food shop
£10 white t shirts and cardigan for school.
£30 social spends.

This weeks food shop was £55 which wasn't bad because it included two pairs of black leggings for DD2 and two work blouses for me.

armchairexpert · 20 March 2017 at 9:31AM

Hi Sarahevie, I've just read your entire diary, what a lovely person you are.

I know this is super cheeky from a complete stranger, but please do consider the counselling your Head suggested. Especially if you've been with your now-ex since you were a teenager, it's very very hard for you to see what is normal and acceptable in a relationship. I don't mean that in a condescending way, but if you've not had other relationships, you don't have the blueprint for one. It seems to me that you're both excusing vile behaviour from the ex AND starting to excuse behaviour from your new dates that just isn't okay, you know?

You're clearly a very smart, very kind, very thoughtful person, and a wonderful mother who's made every decision to ensure her daughters' future. They're lucky to have you, and a good man will one day be lucky to have you as well. But these guys aren't them.

Totally understand if you just think Who The Heck Is This Strange Poster and ignore me, but having just read through three years of your life I feel like I know you!

sarahevie1 · 20 March 2017 at 11:20PM

I've just been outed for my diary, but I'm not going anywhere:D I've always known anyone who knows me in real life would be able to spot me a mile as I disclose absolutely everything. From area where I live, home improvements, dates, job, the girls, church etc but I'm proud of my diary and as my friend said well its certainly accurate:rotfl: Well how did they know it was me? It was the two jobs, relationship with ex and home improvements of all things. :rotfl:

Might have to start reading back though, as tend to post meaningfully in the moment, then with hindsight do something completely not what I'd planned.

December 2010 I started on here, with £140,000 of mortgage debt, tiny home and a noose of a BTL. My mortgage on my own, much larger, home is now less than £44,000 so I'm sticking around I wouldn't have done it without the board keeping me on track.

sarahevie1 · 20 March 2017 at 11:35PM

armchairexpert wrote: »

Hi Sarahevie, I've just read your entire diary, what a lovely person you are.

Thank you, and well done for getting to the end. I'm not surprised you feel you know me, I feel the same when I read other diaries too - especially when I'm fb friends with them and can see what they look like.

I know this is super cheeky from a complete stranger, but please do consider the counselling your Head suggested.

When I had two dependent days off last term we were doing the return to work and she said I don't think you need occupational health. I think that there's much bigger mental health problems at school a couple on long term sick etc. I just plod on. Will definitely take it if offered though

Especially if you've been with your now-ex since you were a teenager, it's very very hard for you to see what is normal and acceptable in a relationship.

Starting to realise this more and more. I got together with ex at 18 so wasn't a young teenager was actually first year at uni. Relationship history is pretty scant though. First boyfriend was in the army I was absolutely besotted he dropped me like a stone when I thought we'd marry. Dated a millionaire after that but he was considerably older and I couldn't face sleeping with him as he was overweight and balding. He was only 28 but I was 18. Didn't last long but I always feel he was the one that got away. He used to stand outside halls with flowers. Still in social media contact with him and he's nice

I don't mean that in a condescending way, but if you've not had other relationships, you don't have the blueprint for one. It seems to me that you're both excusing vile behaviour from the ex AND starting to excuse behaviour from your new dates that just isn't okay, you know?I know ex is volatile but he's messed up and really does need support. He's not nasty he's just been going through a bad time.At the end of the day I'm not helping ex for completely selfless reasons I'm doing it because he is the father of my kids and they deserve somebody stable.They also feel incredibly abandoned by him.

You're clearly a very smart, very kind, very thoughtful person, and a wonderful mother who's made every decision to ensure her daughters' future. They're lucky to have you, and a good man will one day be lucky to have you as well. But these guys aren't them.

Thank you.

Totally understand if you just think Who The Heck Is This Strange Poster and ignore me, but having just read through three years of your life I feel like I know you!

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, lovely to hear from you. I feel like I know Alex LK as well, for the same reasons :rotfl:

Responses in purple

armchairexpert · 21 March 2017 at 6:17AM

Oh, no, I get that you're maintaining the good relationship with the ex for the kids, and it's admirable. How heartbreaking that he considers time with his own kids 'babysitting' and 'helping you out' and using that as a power trip over you - I imagine that hurts a lot. It's not so much him, as whether counselling would help you to step back and consider what you actually deserve before you plunge into the world of internet dating.

But you're obviously very clear headed and very smart and perfectly capable of running your own life!

sarahevie1 · 26 March 2017 at 10:04PM

Spending last seven days

£53 dance uniform for girls. This is pretty good for tap shoes x2 and x2 leotards. Shopped around and ended up with ebay. Would have been £80 if I'd bought from the dance school/shops locally.

£60 social spends. This was largely food/drink in Edinburgh, with it being Mother's Day I treated my lovely daughters to Frankie and Benny's and breakfast out. Also included a £3 bus ticket, £5 books, icecreams, drinks in the park etc.

£65 food shop.

£90 train tickets/hotel in Edinburgh (actually spent this in Jan but it happened this week)

Very very expensive week

sarahevie1 · 26 March 2017 at 10:10PM

Had an absolutely amazing weekend in Edinburgh, the weather was absolutely stunning and other than food and drink costs we didn't spend anything else.

We went to Scotsman steps, scottish monument, the art gallery, the scottish gallery and basically walked round a lot of the city centre parks. Did 7 hours of walking on Saturday and about 4 on Sunday. Just wandered aimlessly and ended up in Leith, saw the Hibs ground, scottish parliament, royal mile, Princes street park, also ended up walking in some residential areas and saw the stunning hillside around Edinburgh my favourite was near the art gallery where you could see the sea. We also stayed in EH9 and refused to get a taxi, so did a lot of walking there as well.

In other news, I've let my student house. Was starting to worry about this as its been advertised since Jan and only had my first viewing this week, and they have taken it. They asked for a summer rent concession and I agreed, as I was keen to let it, but somehow I've undercharged them for 10 months on top of the rent concession we negotiated, but just got to grin and bear it. Overall I'm getting £64 per person per week, instead of the advertised £70 per person per week but its let and that's the main thing!

beanielou · 27 March 2017 at 9:23PM

Good news on the rental.
Edinburgh is the best.

sarahevie1 · 2 April 2017 at 9:32AM

Longer shift at the supermarket yesterday. Have not kept track of what I've spent this week, but it shouldn't be too bad. Food and petrol was £90 but other than that haven't spent anything.

Girls were on stage at the theatre yesterday with their dancing. they have broken up from school but I have another week to do, they are going away for the week to family, so I've not bothered doing a food shop this week as I'll just eat out of the freezer.

Had the accountant round this week, but its all got a bit awkward, as found out ex is spying on me. Still not even kissed accountant, but I do like spending time with him. Anyway I was spotted at my local with the accountant a few weeks ago, and ex has now got it into his head that something is going on, I keep reminding him that HE left me a number of times, and told me very nastily to find someone else. Since I've been spending time with accountant, I'm starting to realise how bad for my self esteem ex is. Such as telling everyone he's ditched me, never being allowed to go out with his friends, just generally acting embarrassed to be with me. Ultimately with ex its his way or no way, and I'm finding that its no way these days!

I can see very clearly when it started to go wrong with ex, when I started teaching.

sarahevie's single quest to mortgage freedom

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