Need to tell Husband about running up secret debt again 8 years after the first time.

First thing first is ring the doctors and make an appointment to see a doctor, with you mentioning you have had suicidal thoughts this worries me, please go and seek help, nothing is not fixable remember that

Secondly you need to be honest and talk to your husband, if this means writing a letter again you need to do it but you need to be honest, you need to tell him about your debts, how you are feeling mentally, how you feel about yours and his money situations being hidden and be completley honest

I do agree with some other posts on here regarding both not being open with each other about finances, i feel as a married couple you should both be totally honest and he should also be honest with you, it works both ways

If your husband has as much money as you think he does, would it not worth asking if he could ' loan' you the money until the sale of your mums house comes through, i understand that it is still borrowing but what concerns me is you mentioning suicide and depression, it might be the solution if he can afford to pay it all of for you but then you need to take steps to change financially and mean it, cut up all cards, dont take loans out, set up a savings account and only buy what you can afford, trust me easier than said i know but it is doable

I know exactly how you feel, the shame, embarrasment, being scared, not sleeping and thinking you have let everyone down, i have been in this situation and also suicidal but i got through it, i sill have moments where i overspend ( alot) and have a few debts but nothing that cant be fixed

Try and sell what you can and make as much money has you can do, have a look on here and see if you can cut bills, food, electricity etc, extreme coupons on facebook is a great page for getting deals , bargains for gifts, days out, bills etc.

Basically have a major overall and cut back on everything that you can, prove to your husband you are ready to change but please please go and get some help at the doctors, speak to someone and please speak to your husband

Remember everything can be fixed and nothing is worth ending your life over, imagine how your husband would feel if you ended your life and not only is he left without the love of his life, he also has all your financial worries to take care of, ( harsh but true)

I wish you the best of luck and please please go the docs, speak to someone, take medication, see a councellor, anything, if you ever want to chat to a complete stranger PM me! Dont feel alone!

One more tip would be a spending diary for your finances, ingoing, going etc and also a blog or a diary, even if just for yourself to read, trust me writing things down always help! Good luck!

Good luck and take care!

Please speak to someone if you feel suicidal again, NHS helpline, Samaritans etc if you can't speak to someone face to face. You are worth more than this debt!

What happened in the end, Alibat? Are you okay?

alibat wrote: »

Thanks for asking. He arrived home at about 9.30, a little worse for wear (not drunk particularly but exhausted) so the conversation never happened, despite having everything ready and being all psyched up for it. The one friend I've confided in also said not to have the conversation when he had been drinking, we both need a clear head. Slept badly last night, exhausted today and made worse with him having a hypo at 4am. Really hoping that he's not late tonight. Can't stand this much longer.

Is he meant to be going out again tonight then? Maybe you should tell him that you need to talk to him about something? Not sure if that would be better or worse for you.

Go easy on yourself today. You have done really well so far.

Hi Alibat. Just want to check in and see if you're ok and also to wish you good luck for the conversation this evening. It will be incredibly scary and you'll be full of nerves but it always is good to get these things out in the open. They take on a life of their own in our own heads. That being said of course there will be some anger, disappointment and upset but it will subside given some time and given proof of you taking control and steps to manage this debt. I think the biggest thing you could gain here is his advise - based on his approach to money, sounds like he could really help you to establish a budget and to view money differently. I really hope you can work together on this so you are able to manage your money now and into the future. Will be following with interest and sending lots of positive thoughts that today is the day for change.