How to deal with a bullying colleague?

Is your work such that you need to have your email open all the time? If you turn it off and check new ones ony once an hour or whatever (and definitely not over lunch) might that help?

You have to confront it.

I work with someone who was very controlling and bossy, put me down. We ended up having a big falling out and didn't speak to each other for weeks. We sat next to each other. Eventually I broke the ice by asking a couple of mundane questions and it blew over.

I had to stick up for myself otherwise I think it may have continued. The supervisors were supportive but weren't great at tackling issue.

Good luck in sorting it, its an awful situation to be in.

When presented with several tasks, all of which would be classified as urgent, I would go back to the person who allocated them and ask that person to prioritise - if from more than one person, then I would ask them to settle the priorities between them!

Robisere wrote: »

That's why I say, your problem person probably feels inadequate. You are probably much better at your job than she is.

Browntoa wrote: »

I'd reply to each one politely and cc or bcc your boss in

^^^This (these?)

There are a couple of things that you can do which may help you to feel that you're "fighting back"...a row of large plants between your desks so that you don't have to look at her. A particularly pungent lunch taken at your desk. A large print of you and friends/family looking happy on a day out, posted directly behind your desk so that she has to look at it all day.

But ultimately, you're going to have to man up and tackle her. If one of your colleagues has already reprimanded her when she spoke to you, then you know that she is in the wrong. Practice in front of the mirror, telling her.."Can you not speak to me like that" (don't say "please", it isn't a request, it's a demand.)
Taking that first step is always terrifying but you will only have to do it once.

Then you can break her down, one step at a time.

"I don't deal with emails during my lunch break"

"I'm not going to do XXXX, because I am working on XXXX for the boss"

"I'm not sure that XXXX is part of my role, I'm just going to check with boss before I take it on"

And eventually, to turn it around completely, a nice polite email saying something like..."Just to let you know, I'll be doing XXXX from now on as it appears that you are unable to manage it during your day"

CC your boss into every email that you reply too...he/she will soon get wind of how many pointless emails that you're receiving when they find that their inbox is clogged up with rubbish.

And do speak to the colleague in shining armour, they may have the back story....has she always been like this? Was your predecessor her best friend? Has she been demoted? Forewarned is forearmed!

Little steps, one each day....if you like your job, it's got to be worth having a go, surely?

**Robsiere..I had a colleague who stabbed me in the back too. I once worked for my brother's company, in a very lowly role (I had the chance of a better position but wanted to "work my way up" and not take advantage of family connections) A colleague,who was initially very friendly (probably thinking that I had some clout in the company) had given me instructions and had written notes for me, which I had left in my desk. One of her instructions was incorrect and meant that several customers had been incorrectly charged (lower) for a service. I was hauled in the office and asked to explain myself. I said that I was told to do what I had done, and I had been given written instructions to do so. When I went to my desk to retrieve the notes, they had disappeared! Unfortunately for my colleague, I had taken a copy to study at home. I got an apology, not sure what happened to her but she hardly ever spoke to me again! ***

LannieDuck wrote: »

Just a thought, but is it possible she applied for the job you got?

This happened to me but what made it worse was the guy who'd been passed over had applied for the job previously as well.

Unfortunately for me the rest of the team seem to have sympathy for him - needless to say that position only lasted 4 months before I moved on.

I agree with the advice not to look at emails in lunch hour - in fact I seem to remember a time management expert saying that you should only look at emails at set times otherwise you'd never get anything done. My attitude would be us that if everything is urgent then you start to think the person is crying wolf so you could miss the really urgent emails....and if it was that urgent then she could open her mouth and ask!

I'm not sure I would copy in the line manager to every reply - if only because as a line manager I'd start to get peed off in receiving emails that didn't necessarily concern me.

If others have got the measure of her then I'd concentrate on building up those relationships. Is there any back ground noise eg radio or are you in complete silence? If it's the later then I'd be tempted to ask the boss if it was ok, as the woman likes to work in silence, if you could listen to your iPod or what ever just using one earphone - this might make the day more bearable