Once More With Feeling! - Buffy's debt diary

So the 18 week Credit card free challenge I set myself didn't exactly work out the way I wanted it to. That was mainly due to work, I was pretty much stabbed in the back and found life very hard for a bit there(spending and money went completely out of the window). I am now mostly out of shock about that although it is still going on I have got used to it to some extent. I can honestly say my friends on daily chat got me through the difficult parts and have been wonderful.

So I am trying something different. Well a bit different. I am not going to set myself any time related goals. I don't want to be tied up in knots about whether or not I am going to met my targets.

After reading some discussions on the Single and In Debt Thread (another fantastic bunch of people) I came to the conclusion that you can try and try and try to live a life of a monk and not spend anything and not leave the house cos you need a no spend day, eat cheese sandwiches and drink lime and soda if you do dare go out and all that happens to me is that I get miserable. And then all I do that is I spend a ridiculous amount of money in a tiny amount of time.

I do always make my payments and I don't go over drawn which is all good but I think I could make more overpayments if I stop being so all or nothing.

What I have to get away from is that all my "spare" money should go on my debts. In an ideal world I would obviously but things like my sister's birthday, my friends babies, my hobbies are all expensive and I just do not account for them at all! my budgetting skills suck....and then I feel guilty and then I think what's the point? Then I don't make so much effort and the cycle continues.

I felt terrible when I knew I wouldn't reach my goal and then I felt even worse when I knew I be in more debt. And the thing is this is my life. This time spent pouring over spreadsheets and adding and working out and dividing everything by 12 to see how long it takes to pay offand the guilt I feel. I am only getting one set of thirties here! And although I would love to be debt free I also have to live and stop feeling so bad about it all!

I was thinking its a bit like being on a diet. You can starve yourself and lose weight but you aren't really changing anything cos once the event you are skinnying in to is done you go back to eating like a small horse and you are right back where you started. (I do that too see:o)

So there is no new plan there is no new challenge there is simply a change in attitude and perspective.

1. I will go out and socialise as I would have done a few years ago. I live with my mum and although I love her and i am not moving out any time soon it can be difficult. I do need some time to myself and to see friends. I am allowed to spend money!

2. I will plan each month's spending as it comes (part of the problem was my second job has a variable wage) and not have some massive overall plan to be debt free.

3. I don't know when my debt free date is and that is ok by me. However I will make overpayments as and when I can.

I don't mean I am going to be all reckless and over spend. Each month each "pot" will have a different amount in to accomodate my plans. I will still do surveys and clicks and scratchcards. I will find the cheapest way to do stuff and I will still have NSD's. I will still do a payment a day.

Its just that instead of all being towards some (now) mythical debt free date its just what I do. I don't want to put my life on hold because of my debt.

Sir Ranulph Fiennes said something when he was interviewed after his climb. That he just kept plodding, the mountain had no top he just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other and not think about the end. So that is what I am going to do.

I hope this makes sense.

Buffy xxx