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[MSE Lawrence]

This is the discussion to link on the back of Martin's blog. Please read the blog first, as this discussion follows it.

Read Martin's 'Asking others to give up their bus seat…' Blog.

Click reply to discuss below.

[5hreek]

Good for you! I just wish there were more people with the courage to do exactly what you did. In fact, I wish there were more people who would get up by themselves without having to be asked, but that's a different story!

I got up from my seat on a bus earlier this week and offered it to a woman who'd just got on ... thinking this was common courtesy ... and she turned me down flat saying she'd been sitting all day and would rather stand. Fair enough...

[kingmonkey]

Your such a hero

[gremlin]

Well done for asking (I know what you mean about having to feel brave to do it).

Ive been on the receiving end of this behaviour - Im not elderly but I had two small children and it is not pleasant knowing that you're struggling and nobody wants to know.

It is endemic the lack of thought people in this country have for anyone else. Especially for the more vulnerable. Too many people just think of themselves or just look away. Again, well done Martin - have a beer

Jane x

[budget_budd]

Why feel stupid? You did a good thing!

When I was very heavily pregnant and not wanting to walk the mile to work I was waiting for the bus one morning with three (not elderly) ladies, who were all moaning about the bus being late and then one said "I just hope there's a seat left" and shot me a look that could kill.

As it turned out a guy from work drove past and offered me a lift, so I didn't have to stand up on the bus!

[Amber Sunshine]

Well done Martin for speaking up. It's a simple courtesy to offer your seat to someone less able to stand, but sady many people seem incapable of it these days.

[SunnySusie]

I wish people would just ask. On my train people generally stream passed as they walk from one end to the other. This is often because, as the train divides and goes in different directions, they need to get to the other end. It is also sometimes because they are looking for seats.

So a few days ago this woman was charging through along with the 100 other people that normally head up (the front half goes to Gatwick so they normally have suitcases!) and then suddenly stopped and in a loud grumpy voice accused us all of being evil and heartless because none of us would give up a seat to her blind disabled friend.

At which point about half the carriage got up and said of course all you had to do is ask. Id give up my seat to anyone, even if they just "fancied sitting down for a bit".

Just ask and please do it politely. Most people are actually pretty friendly and happy to jump up - there is no need to make a scene and accuse veryone of being evil when they might not be. Some of us (I hope) are quite non threatening looking !!

Of course if you ask and everyone says no - then you can make a scene ! But I've commuted for almost 10years and never seen a request for a seat refused.

All this reminds me of the bus I used to get on every day to school. There was a blind lady who got the same bus too, and us regulars quickly learnt not to offer our seats (despite our school drilling this message in). Any poor soul who dared got a mouthful of abuse and swearing and a lecture on how being blind didn't make her special. Fair enough I suppose. Perhaps that experience is why I let people ask first? Good old fashioned shyness.

[MothballsWallet]

I can understand why Martin felt nervous: did anyone else see that Anne Widdecombe programme on ITV1 on Thurs night with the segment about the lady who was attacked on the bus by a gang of 6-7 teenage girls?

I try to stand up and offer my seat to someone if I think they need it on the bus. The only place I don't is when I'm with Mrs MbW in Russia; she immediately grabs my arm and pulls me back into the seat if I try to do that there...

[Gemmzie]

Originally Posted by SunnySusie

I wish people would just ask. On my train people generally stream passed as they walk from one end to the other. This is often because, as the train divides and goes in different directions, they need to get to the other end. It is also sometimes because they are looking for seats.

So a few days ago this woman was charging through along with the 100 other people that normally head up (the front half goes to Gatwick so they normally have suitcases!) and then suddenly stopped and in a loud grumpy voice accused us all of being evil and heartless because none of us would give up a seat to her blind disabled friend.

At which point about half the carriage got up and said of course all you had to do is ask. Id give up my seat to anyone, even if they just "fancied sitting down for a bit".

Just ask and please do it politely. Most people are actually pretty friendly and happy to jump up - there is no need to make a scene and accuse veryone of being evil when they might not be. Some of us (I hope) are quite non threatening looking !!

Of course if you ask and everyone says no - then you can make a scene ! But I've commuted for almost 10years and never seen a request for a seat refused.

All this reminds me of the bus I used to get on every day to school. There was a blind lady who got the same bus too, and us regulars quickly learnt not to offer our seats (despite our school drilling this message in). Any poor soul who dared got a mouthful of abuse and swearing and a lecture on how being blind didn't make her special. Fair enough I suppose. Perhaps that experience is why I let people ask first? Good old fashioned shyness.

I've had a similar situation, although I appear to be a fit young 20-something, I can't stand on buses due to a problem with my wrist.
I once had a seat and an older man got on the bus, started swearing at all the college students on the bus and hit me with a stick when I didn't get up. (I wasn't sat nearest the front either, a group of lads were.) Luckily someone else got up but the whole bus glared at me Now whenever I use the bus, I wear my splint.
People who can get up should, but not everyone can.

[glitterkitty]

i'm the same, i have problems with my hips and i am a chronic asthmatic. the effort it takes to stand on a moving bus can often cause my hips to hurt and for me to become breathless. i dont stand for other people, i put my own health first, and i used to get sworn at and glared at. thankfully i drive most places now. Plus, it annoys me when i see a busy bus, with young children taking up the seats. When i was younger i was made by my mum to stand up for a pregnant woman. instead of sitting in the seat herself, she sat her child in it instead. my mum told her the seat wasnt for her child and sat me back in it instead lol

[gremlin]

Originally Posted by SunnySusie

I wish people would just ask.


Of course if you ask and everyone says no - then you can make a scene ! But I've commuted for almost 10years and never seen a request for a seat refused.

.

Ah but unfortunately thats not always the case. The incident I had was on a coach and I had two under fours.

Everyone was on the coach taking up double seats with them and their bags. I wandered up and down the coach with my littlies and every one of them pretended not to see. I eventually stood at the front and asked if someone could please give up a seat so I can sit with both my kids and not one git budged!

Being a big gob, I told them what I thought of them nd I hoped they were proud of themselves lol, but I sat on an aisle seat with one on my lap and the other accross the aisle TWO ROWS DOWN!. Very dangerous. Eventually an old lady felt guilty and moved and offered her seat.

Sometimes people are just selfish pigs.

[Cornball]

I will always get up for the elderly or infirm but I admit I never get up for children. I'm only 28 but when I was a youngin' we had to get up for adults! They worked hard all day and we kids had endless energy.

It irks me to see kids sitting instead of being forced up like I was! It's only fair!

[Paddington]

I think most people simply don't notice. I'd give up my seat for someone very elderly or incapacitated in some way but I'm not sure where my cut-off would be on age as some OAPs would be offended!

I'm 29 weeks' pregnant and have been offered a seat a couple of times on the train; I wouldn't expect it automatically but I think it's lovely when people do offer.

[janaltus]

I'm disabled (and use sticks) and travel by train, bus and tube - often in the rush hour. Although I am youngish I can't stand for long and am amazed how very good people are at offering me their seats on a train and tube but ... strangely, how reticent they are when on a bus.

On entering any busy bus, now I say to the driver - in a loud voice (but directed towards the rear of bus) - "Please don't set off until I am safely sitting down!" With the bus stationary until I get a seat, it is stunning to see all these fit and healthy people (who are impatient to get the bus moving again) stand up and enthusiastically offer me their seat! It works every time (and I always say thank you)!

Oh! and if you try this, don't forget to give the driver the OK to start going, once you are safely sitting down, otherwise the bus won't move!

Good luck with the ribs Martin. Have you tried Arnica? Homoeopathic I know but I found it effective.

[tealady]

I will give up my seat for someone else, the problem is I usually have my nose in a book and don't always notice what is going on. The people who really infuriate me are those who put their bags on the seat when the bus is full, I just ask them can I sit down and smile brightly at them!
I have also got up out of my reserved train seat to offer it to peolpe with children, parents are usually grateful for that.

[penny.wright]

Martin had the perfect approach - people actually enjoy helping others so if you have a problem ASK NICELY and it will be 'win, win'.
I like the idea of asking the driver to wait until you sit down. Bus drivers often set off with a great lurch of the bus so if you have balance problems or any extra luggage you risk falling down.

[horsechestnut]

I have arthritis and can find it a problem standing sometimes, but other days I am fine!
Our local trains can be crowded and the other week I was sitting down next to the window, with someone next to me in the aisle seat. I noticed that a pregnant woman, who was also carrying a toddler and I got up and insisted that they have my seat. The passenger next to me didn't move and I had to struggle past her and the pregnant woman then had to struggle in.

Plenty of young people sitting down looking out of the windows!!!

Young females with lots of shopping bags taking up two, or sometimes three, seats. I just ask them to move their bags very sweetly, giving my profuse thanks and frequently strike up a conversation with them!!! The last thing that they want!!!

Well done Martin. All you need for evil to succeed is that good people do nothing.

[nancypearl]

I'm very observant, and perceptive, so if I see someone getting on the bus that needs my seat more than I do, than I just get up. If they don't take it then I would sit down again.

I was at the bus stop when a lady collapsed. She was insistant that she got on the bus home, so I helped her onto the crowded bus. We were at the front of the bus queue before she collapsed, but now we were the last people to get onto the bus. Everyone in the queue had walked past us and got onto the bus so they had all seen that she was in distress, but not one person offered her their seat. There seemed to be something much more interesting happening with their fingernails or out of the window. So, I shouted "this lady requires a seat" and just stood there supporting the lady until someone gave up their seat for her.

The latest example of rudeness and bad manners I saw was on a very crowded train last week. A man a few seats in front of me said to a woman that she was sat in his reserved seat. She got up and he sat down. It didn't seem to bother him in the slightest that she was at least 8 months pregnant!!

Un-flippin-believable!!

[DKLS]

Would happily give my seat up, but am much more cautious in who I offer a seat to these days. A while back I saw an obviously (to me) pregnant lady, sweating profusely and struggling to stand in the carriage isle.
I suggested in her condition she should take my seat, Loudly she berated me, as she "wasnt pregnant just effing fat" I quickly hid my face behind a copy of the metro.

[Tarry]

I give up my seat to older people but one time I did it, I totally lost my balance (I do not have good balance on moving vehicles) and ended up on her lap! Talk about embarrassing. That said I will always do so.