Starting a family...

tburfield · 2 February 2007 at 2:00PM

Hi,

First time poster...although I've been lurking for a couple of months!

I've been with my better half for just over four years. We're both 35, and both want kids. So far so good!

We bought a house together last year, and we're now beginning to think about trying to start a family.

My big concern is how to manage financially once we go down to a single salary. I know most people say that you will "just manage", but I'm worried about the extra expense of a baby, as well as being one salary down.

How do the rest of you manage? I'm ready enough for going without holidays and other luxuries. Its covering the basic costs like mortgage/bills and putting food on the table that worries me.

Money-wise I earn around £30k per year, SO earns around £17k per year. We have a £143k mortgage (£850 per month) on a house that should be worth around £305k now. We sometimes seem to struggle making ends meet on both salaries, although we're also trying to get the house done up, so there is extra money going out at the moment.

Only other debt is around £2k on a credit card (used 0% to purchase car) which I am paying off at around £125 per month. The card is never used otherwise, and was cut up as soon as I'd transferred the balance onto this new card. This would be paid off before a baby comes along.

Will it really be fine, or do I need to get into some kind of better position before we think about having kids?

(bearing in mind we're already 35!).

Thanks in advance for any advice offered...

Justie · 2 February 2007 at 2:06PM

my experience in life is that you spend what you have and a bit more besides and if you have less, you work it out. Babies are expensive in the long term but there are plenty of people who manage on much less and maternity benefits are better than they were etc so it eases you in a bit - obviously if you can be debt free and save a bit beforehand then it helps but I see no reason to not have a child because finances might be a little tighter...

Slapps · 2 February 2007 at 2:43PM

if we all did as the saying goes" can't afford to have a baby yet" then no1 would ever get round to it. life is short enough, go 4 it and i hope you have a lovely ickle family
tc xxxxx

Aoife's_mum · 2 February 2007 at 2:46PM

I also think you shouldn't wait - it would be awful to wait til you are financially ready and then not be able to have children. I am sure you would regret that more than being really skint for a few years.

Here's a few bits of advice:

Do a proper budget, so you can see whether you will be able to cope, where you can cut back - I am sure people here can help to do that - some things may well come down (e.g. food bills if you do more home made food) but some will probably go up (heating bills when you are at home more)

look at what you will get in terms of benefits, maternity leave.

Think about whether you can reschedule your mortgage, perhaps go interest free for a couple of years?

Use freecycle, NCT sales etc to get baby stuff, especially the expensive big stuff like prams.

Sure there's loads more, but hopefully others will remember what I've forgotten!

skylight · 2 February 2007 at 2:49PM

Well, can you REALLY manage on just one salary??? Can you really pay the mortgage and basic bills and food on one income??

There are options - re-mortgaging later on, food bills are usually the biggest reduction in cost (get to Old-Style for help!). But if you think you are struggling now, you need to address why you are struggling. You are struggling becuase you are over-spending (simple as!) and you need to address this issue first. Then save like crazy!

Bear in mind that you will also get child benefit and child tax credit (if earning under certain amount). try https://www.entitledto.co.uk and put in your figures for last years earnings and pretend you have a newborn with one salary. It wont be exactly accurate based on guestimates but will give you an idea.

ChasingButterflies · 2 February 2007 at 3:00PM

It is fantastic that you are trying to ensure that you are on a good financial footing before starting a family - we were surprised when we found out we were expecting out first... we were very lucky to have no mortgage/rent and the bills covered however our disposable income was tiny... we really did struggle.

Children can be expensive - but if you shop around for the things you need there can make savings on the essentials.

The moments they gave you - they are priceless. I am so in awe of my kids from the first time you feel them kick, to when you hold them, first steps, first tooth, first tantrum (lol mine are red-heads!) and the first time they write their name - I really could go on (sorry!)

I don't know anyone who has enough money - there are always jobs that need to be done, things that you will want to do or places you will want to go. You will always find a way to spend what you have whether you have children or not!

I know it is not what you want to hear but sometimes you may struggle life is like that - you will get through it though. You are on the best forum for saving the pennies/pounds!

This is one decision that should be made by you both - I think you need to set aside some time (maybe prepare a meal) and talk to one another, we can all offer our opinions here but really we are not the people who will be up feeding baby at 3am or trying to make the food buget go a bit further!

Good luck to you both with whatever decison you make.

thriftmummy · 2 February 2007 at 3:08PM

Although I do agree with people saying there is never the right financial time to have a baby, I sometimes wish we had been in a better position before our son came along. I went back to work when he was 6 months old because we could not manage on one wage. We have a small mortgage and live a modest lifestyle and there wasn't really anyway we could have 'downsized' our lifestyle. I had no choice - I had to work. So depending on how much time you want to stay at home then it's really best to make financial plans for your drop in income.

Having one child myself I often find myself wondering how other people afford to have more. Things arn't always what they seem. Someone may look like they are managing things financially when behind closed doors they are in mountains of debt. Luckily we are not in that situation.

Practically though, babies and toddlers don't really cost you all that much money really. The biggest cost is loss of income. After that it's milk and nappies, but if you breastfed and used cloth nappies it's a really good way to keep costs down. Our son is 2 years old and we have bought practically everything he has needed second hand and off ebay. I later sell it on when I've finished with it and get most of my money back. So as far as things that they need, the cost is quite small. Also you don't spend half as much as you used to on going out, clothes etc.

If you really want a family, being the age that you are if I were you I wouldn't wait. Having gone through IVF to have my son I wouldn't wish the pain of being childless on anyone - you need to follow your heart. At the end of the day you'll never regret having them.

pollyanna24 · 2 February 2007 at 3:54PM

I'm in a similar boat to you (albeit we're only 25), but another option might be (although I can't say I would like it) is for you to work and for your OH to look after the baby as you are on a higher wage.

vixarooni · 2 February 2007 at 4:45PM

£47 grand coming into the family each year, i would have thought you would have been fine!

overlykeensaver · 2 February 2007 at 4:47PM

One way of seeing if you can manage on one salary is to take the plunge and try it for a month. Then you will really see where your money is going! If you can do it, then you could even save the other income for when the baby arrives. Or perhaps save half of it....you can see where I am going anyway!

We had a baby in May and I was very surprised that we are still managing on one income. We fixed our mortgage payments for five years, we reduced our SKY package, checked for the best deals for insurance, electricity etc, there are so many ways you can save a little here and there. - and this has got to be the best place to find them!

To be honest, apart from buying a cot and a pram, there is no need to spend a lot of money in the first year. I got clothes from ebay (especially sleepsuits) including a beautiful winter coat for £5 and a snowsuit for £6. Everyone always comments on how lovely they are - babies look gorgeous in anything so you don't have to spend very much on clothes at all. Also, ignore all the things you are told you must have - ie there is no need to have a top and tail bath (just use any old pot of water and make sure you remember to clean the "tail" last!)

Sorry to ramble on a bit - hope this is useful!

liney · 2 February 2007 at 5:49PM

Depends... Who earns the 30k and who will be returing to work. Realistically you cannot pay out £850 per month mortgage on £17K. I think that is about £1100 net, right?

If for example, Dad earns £30k, mom should be fine to be a SAHM i would have thought. However if Dad earns £17k, mom will need to work as well to pay the mortgage.

It's all about choice. How do you want your child to be cared for? SAHM, PT SAHM, nursery full time?

Starting a family...

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