Devastated - help please

Starrystarrynight1 · 30 January 2018 at 1:23PM

I just wanted to say, OP, what a lovely sister you seem.

dawyldthing · 30 January 2018 at 2:00PM

Id ring up and say you've heard and you are there if they need any help.

Definately visit and possibly take sil out too as she will prob need some her time too to talk about her thoughts and feelings.

Also, and it's prob the last thing they are thinking about, but they could get rapid claim for pip which will hopefully help financially, she might be able to get carers allowance if she works less than 16 hours I think it was but its worth looking into.

Sorry you're all going through it though, you know we're all here

mrsjanebanbury2009 · 30 January 2018 at 2:52PM

I third talking with Macmillan, or with the nurses at whichever hospice are supporting them, they will be very happy to talk to you and remember, they've heard it all before so don't be afraid to say whatever you need/want to to the nurses, they won't be judging you.

Ganga · 30 January 2018 at 3:04PM

mrsjanebanbury2009 wrote: »

I third talking with Macmillan, or with the nurses at whichever hospice are supporting them, they will be very happy to talk to you and remember, they've heard it all before so don't be afraid to say whatever you need/want to to the nurses, they won't be judging you.

I also agree to talk with Macmillan,when my father in law was diagosed with cancer they were a rock, said they would speak to other family members if he was not up for it,they were fantastic right till the end.
I hope you have a lot more time with your sister in law

PeacefulWaters · 30 January 2018 at 7:57PM

I'm currently enjoying taking out over 50 life policies, even though I'm highly unlikely to be here next year. Just one of my coping strategies.

Topcashback
£75 M&S gift card / £50 Argos gift card
Premiums refunded on dying within a year
Decent payout if i get past the year
A financial disaster if I survive for decades
Multiple policies allowed
(Sun Life return 150% of premiums paid on death within two years)

It'll create a bit of work for my executor. But she's aware of my intentions.

Which is a reminder, if your sister in law hasn't already got a will she should get one made quickly. You could offer to ring around solicitors near to her to get a price for making a will, perhaps with a home visit.

Candyapple · 31 January 2018 at 2:19PM

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I'm currently enjoying taking out over 50 life policies, even though I'm highly unlikely to be here next year. Just one of my coping strategies.

Topcashback
£75 M&S gift card / £50 Argos gift card
Premiums refunded on dying within a year
Decent payout if i get past the year
A financial disaster if I survive for decades
Multiple policies allowed
(Sun Life return 150% of premiums paid on death within two years)

It'll create a bit of work for my executor. But she's aware of my intentions.

Which is a reminder, if your sister in law hasn't already got a will she should get one made quickly. You could offer to ring around solicitors near to her to get a price for making a will, perhaps with a home visit.

You will be missed PW

OP - nothing to add that hasn't already been said. My condolences to you and your family in this difficult time.

Would it be possible for you to visit/organise with your other family members a nice meal out somewhere where you can also take lots of pics and have some happy memories before her health deteriorates further? Or offer to pay for a short hotel break for just your brother and his wife so that they can spend some quality time together away from everything?

Primrose · 31 January 2018 at 4:51PM

The thing to do in these circumstances is to try and stop thinking about your own emotions, put yourself in the place of the affected party and think about what might help them.

Emotional support will be needed in spades. Doesn't matter if you cry . Just pick up the phone. Be understanding of each other. Phone and email regularly. Ask what would help them. Even if you are far away, having support in whatever way you can offer it, will help.

Is money likely to be a problem for them with taxis to hospital? . Do they need help getting a fast track Attendance Allowance put in ? Or applying for a Disabled Parking badge for doctor or hospital visits? Do they need help to put an urgent Power of Attorney put in place with an online application? All these practical things may need to be done and if you can go up for a weekend and offer help with some practical stuff I'm sure this would be appreciated.

Ebe_Scrooge · 31 January 2018 at 8:16PM

I just wanted to post an update - mainly by way of thanks to all you lovely people who have helped more than you can ever know.

She's had the results of the biopsy, and it's good news in a way. Apparently she's got about a year left with no treatment, or up to 5 years with some drugs which are not the full-on chemotherapy with all the associated horrible side effects. So that is "good" news compared to what what we feared. Still horrible, obviously, but nonetheless better than we were expecting.

Starrystarrynight1 - I'm a brother

Please don't worry, no offence taken - your post was very positive ! I guess my earlier descriptions of me crying and being in pieces may have led to confusion - believe me, it takes a lot to make me cry - it's one criticism that my wife frequently makes, I never show emotion ! Gender stereotypes aside, I've always been one that doesn't get emotional, and simply looks for logical solutions to problems - unfortunately, logic doesn't come in to this one. As I said initially, I don't frequent this board - I'm far more active on the Motoring and DIY boards, dishing out practical advice, which is something I do know about.

PeacefulWaters - I was shocked at your post. Obviously I don't know you from Adam, other than you being a regular, long-standing and very helpful contributor to this forum. But when you say "even though I'm highly unlikely to be here next year" I was shocked

Please do feel free to send me a PM if you wish - not that I'm sure I can be of any help

So, basically I'm just saying thanks to all of you. I will be visiting my Bro and SIL very shortly, and will be passing on all the incredibly useful information you've given. I'm sorry if I haven't been able to send a specific reply to each of your posts, but please be assured they've all been read and taken on board - and, above all, appreciated hugely. Thanks once again to you all.

Torry_Quine · 31 January 2018 at 9:59PM

I just wanted to say you sound like a lovely brother. I hope that the treatment goes well.

Devastated - help please

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