My mum is homeless.. advice needed

Determined_diva · 14 October 2018 at 10:50AM

Thanks for the advice.

I know I haven't got the heart to ask for the key back, so I am going to go down the route of changing the locks (and make an excuse why - goodness knows what) and give her all the advice on where to go for help.

Rents and home shares are around £700pm sharing and £1.1k for a whole flat.

Tigsteroonie · 14 October 2018 at 10:56AM

Make sure she doesn't know where your car has gone (get it towed to a different location if need be).

I would ask her to return the keys and explain why, if she doesn't, then go down the line of changing the locks. However as you mention she's changed her correspondence address to yours, watch out for her calling a locksmith to regain access, using that correspondence as proof of residency.

-taff · 14 October 2018 at 11:04AM

In ight of you newest post, I would change the locks without asking for the key back. If she is using your house without you knowing or her telling you, then you don't need to forewarn her, as if she was doing it above board, you'd know about it.
Definitely 'return to sender' or 'not known at this address' for her mail.
Might also be an idea to check your credit reports for any new credit that might have sprung up in your name.....just in case.

Working_Mum · 14 October 2018 at 11:21AM

You are in a difficult position.

Take back control - give your mum her post back and advise any more will be popped in the post marked "return to sender"

Change your locks - remember she isn't aware you have twigged she is using your place as a bolt hole. Act all surprised if she flags it with you want tell her straight if she asks for a key again.

Read up on "emotional detachment with love" and continue to be kind and loving but not enabling of her behaviour.

You are doing a lot of things really well with your life, taking responsibility and should keep the focus on yourself and your life.

Debtnomoreplease · 14 October 2018 at 11:36AM

How awful for you and a terrible position to be in, but I really think you've done all you can to help your mum. She clearly has no intentions of helping herself and just to keep sponging off you-if you let her. You are absolutely grafting all the hours you can to pay your debts off and to make a better life for yourself, so well done! You can't keep supporting her or she'll just continue to drag you down. I know it's hard as she's your mum, but she should be the one supporting/helping and encouraging you. Personally, I would write her a letter and give her some information (if you can find some) leaflets/websites/ phone numbers etc of place to go for help. If you aren't careful this could effect your relationship with your new partner and that's really unfair now you have found someone you are happy with-it's time for you to be happy now! You have done more than enough to help her, nothing will work until she helps herself!

Return all the mail that's in her name, as my friend was questioned about someone living at her flat (her sister stayed the odd night) and it was a lot of unneeded stress for her, as she had to prove she didn't live there. Get the mail re-directing as soon as possible.

I hope you managed to sort something out and your mum snaps out of the not working mind set. Sadly, it's reality we have to work to keep a roof over our heads, so she is no different to anyone else. No wonder you are frustrated because she actually in an amazing position to be able to pick up lots of extra hours per week...some people are crying out for the extra work/hours etc.

Good luck

LadyDee · 14 October 2018 at 12:07PM

Concerning Council Tax - whatever you do, get her mail stopped. This will be one thing the Council will latch onto to prove that she's living with you, along with the keys - got that lock changed immediately. You will be open to allegations of fraud and doubtless it is against your tenancy agreement to have another person living with you.

Determined_diva · 14 October 2018 at 12:11PM

Thankyou! It is currently on my friends drive so she has no idea where it is, when I take it in for the MOT at the end of the month I will then figure out where to "hide" it.

I am actually behind with my car repayments (£485 behind) and the car loan people want me to pay the full amount (£4.5k) or return the vehicle (which is currently undriveable as the electric display on the dashboard is knackered)

Do I just return it and pay back the shortfall of what they sell it to (as technically it is faulty) or work with them to get the payments back to where they need to be, get it fixed in my own time and continue to hide the car?

Thanks for the advice
DDx

Fen1 · 14 October 2018 at 12:11PM

You are doing well with your life and should be proud of yourself. You are a kind-hearted person, but you are being used and abused. Yes, it is abuse.

I would second everything everyone else has said. I really emphasize -taff's point about checking your credit record. A friend had her credit ruined by a family member secretly taking out a credit card in her name. My friend knew nothing about this card until she tried to get a mortgage, then all hell broke loose.

Check your records at intervals. There may be nothing now, but something could well turn up in the future.

badmemory · 14 October 2018 at 8:59PM

Entering your property without your permission/knowledge is what abusive ex's do, not what close family members do, well should be if they have any respect for you. As you are renting then just change the barrel of the lock - you can change it back if you need to vacate.

Is your car immobilised? If she finds it she may decide to drive it!

As Fen1 said take care to watch the CRAs. She has had access to your property & presumably access to all you paperwork incl even any pension paperwork. As soon as you deny her access change all your passwords.

Unfortunately, someone who is prepared to do 1 underhand thing & she has done at least 2, is unlikely to feel any issue with doing another. I know this is your mother & it must be very hard to do , but try looking at her through someone else's eyes. You have bent over backwards to understand/excuse her behaviour but what would you say to a friend who was telling you this about their mother?

Determined_diva · 14 October 2018 at 10:03PM

Hi all

Sorry I should have said the flat was council owned but I now own it (bought just under 2 years ago)

My mum is homeless.. advice needed

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