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Stressed Out Mummy of 6 year old Boy
StressedMummy_2
Posts: 1 Newbie
Hi,
I am sat here in tears after my Son has played up again at School. He is a 6.5 year old bright little boy. He can be incredibly caring and loving but he can also give backchat and have a lot of attitude. It is one thing at home where we obviously deal with it by giving time out or rewarding him with treats when he is good. The issue is that it is happening a lot in School. He is in Year 1 and the whole year has been full of ups but mostly downs. He can more than cope with the work but there is always a comment about "his behaviour". His Dad and I are at our wits end. He has so many activities he does, so many treats when he is good and we have a long chat and give him time out when he has played up. Today he has been rude to a teacher. I dread walking over to School every day to find out how he has been. I just cannot go on like this. It is making me so sad and ill. Any advice for a very tired and stressed out Mummy, would be so helpful.
Thank-You
I am sat here in tears after my Son has played up again at School. He is a 6.5 year old bright little boy. He can be incredibly caring and loving but he can also give backchat and have a lot of attitude. It is one thing at home where we obviously deal with it by giving time out or rewarding him with treats when he is good. The issue is that it is happening a lot in School. He is in Year 1 and the whole year has been full of ups but mostly downs. He can more than cope with the work but there is always a comment about "his behaviour". His Dad and I are at our wits end. He has so many activities he does, so many treats when he is good and we have a long chat and give him time out when he has played up. Today he has been rude to a teacher. I dread walking over to School every day to find out how he has been. I just cannot go on like this. It is making me so sad and ill. Any advice for a very tired and stressed out Mummy, would be so helpful.
Thank-You
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Comments
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What do school do about it in terms of discipline? And how do you plan on following up? Does he care when he is punished? Does time out mean that he's actually disincentivised from bad behaviour again? What does time out actually involve? Just time out from doing something? If we misbehaved then things we enjoyed would be removed for a long enough period that we would learn that the consequences of misbehaving meant life was not as pleasant for us.0
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Try cutting out additives from his diet, you will be surprised at the change in his behaviour.
As a minimum cut out these;
tartrazine (E102)
quinoline yellow (E104)
sunset yellow (E110)
carmosine (E122)
ponceau 4R (E124)
allura red (E129)
sodium benzoate (E211)
Studies show that kids who eat a diet free of these additives can be much healthier, more evenly behaved and can concentrate better.0 -
StressedMummy wrote: »He can more than cope with the work but there is always a comment about "his behaviour".
Is he bored with the level of work they are giving him?
Very bright kids can get frustrated if they aren't stretched intellectually and start playing up as a result.0 -
Perhaps there are just too many treats, too many activities and he is playing up at school as he expects those but doesn't get them
And, at 6, there is little to no point in having a punishment at home for something that occurred at school
What do the school say?0 -
Do you use incentives that he can earn? A marble jar or reward chart that when full gives him a special treat - a day out somewhere or something like that? Marble/sticker for good behaviour, one or two removed for unacceptable behaviour.
I would also personally insist upon him writing a letter of apology to the teacher in the above given circumstance.
You may also find removing a toy/activity along with time out will help. Some children are just not bothered by a time out, but if they start losing pleasurable activities then it can make a difference.
If you haven't already I would arrange to meet with your child's teacher and discuss how you are managing his behaviour at home and find out how they are dealing with it in school. In my child's school for example, a child that has behaved unacceptably will not be allowed out at playtime or they will have to walk around with the dinner lady. My year 2 child has problems with anxiety and via the class teacher they arranged some sessions with the school senco which have helped greatly.
Hopefully you can work with the school to come up with some strategies that will work. I can imagine it must be very stressful for you, hope you manage to get something sorted.0 -
I have a 6 year old, and rewards are for exceptionally good behaviour only.
"Being good" is a standard expectation at all times - no hitting/violence, no being rude, using good manners, being polite and helping when possible.
I make it very clear what is expected of him, and what will happen if he doesn't follow these basic requirements, whether at school or at home.
Perhaps rewards could be based on both school AND at home e.g. if he manages a full week following your guidlines, then he can pick a treat from the supermarket, or an activity (within reason!) of his choice? You then need to adapt this, so if he "slips up" early in the week, this can then be redeemed with exceptional behaviour for the rest of the week.
Make sure he is being challenged enough at school.Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0 -
My grandson has a star chart with various headings on it covering different behaviours. He gets a star when he earns it and after so many stars he gets a reward. I think it is presently five stars.
E. G one column is for getting dressed in the morning without any fuss.
You can decide what behaviours you want to included and how many stars he needs to earn before a reward. My grandsons reward is to pick a sweet from a sweetie tin but the reward could be a toy or trip out or whatever you decide. A larger reward would require earning more stars than a small reward
So he has something to aim for over a period of time.0 -
My child was naughty in year 1 too. I think it was a combination of having to start 'real learning' and the fact he didn't like the teacher. She was very bossy and he responded better to the quieter more nurturing teachers. Does your son have many friends in class and what are they like? I know some boys find it fun to be naughty or rude for attention or to make other kids laugh then it becomes habit.
After year 1 my child was fine and thankfully has been ever since. I'd just reiterate that good manners are required all the time and you are going to be very disappointed if you hear he has behaved badly and there will be consequences such as removing a privilege. Rewarding behaviour that is ordinarily expected can desensitize kids. They can become used to rewards all the time and as we know as adults you don't get praise for simply following the rules.
Mostly Remember you are not alone. Many many parents experience this sort of thing and often its just a blip that passes.0 -
My six-year-old receives up to £2 pocket money each week. This is earned in 5p increments, 30p per day Mon-Fri and 25p Sat-Sun.
We made a chart with squares for each 5p - see it here - http://imgur.com/a/NoBME
Each day we can sit down and talk about behaviour, and hopefully put ticks in the boxes.
You could modify the chart according to what you want to reinforce as good behaviour. 'Sunshine' is the schools reward system, so if he remains in their good books it's reflected in the chart.
He loves getting the money each Saturday, and sometimes saves up for something or spends it in the pound shop or on small toys. It also means he's very good at maths as he gets practice at adding up to 200.0 -
Hi
What have school said about it ?
Is he on his own with this behaviour or is he part of a group that are egging each other on ?
Is it naughtiness or is it exuberant behaviour from a child that struggles to sit still / quietly when they're supposed to ?
What sort of activities is he doing & is the bad behaviour showing itself there ? Personally I'm wary of saying you can't do x if you misbehave if x is giving them exercise & burning off some energy !
I'd be wary about punishing at home for something that happened during the day as he'll not remember what the punishment is for and will just feel it's unfair. If he misbehaves at school the the school should punish him. However you could agree with a teacher that they'll let you know how he's behaved and what the consequence will be at home if she gives a good / bad report at the end of each week. It then gives the teacher something to remind the child about if they see behaviour slipping.
You do need to try and work with the school understand when & why he's misbehaving and agree a joined up approach.
Also as a previous poster has said bored children often act up. Are they stretching him enough ?
Jen0
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