Stressed Out Mummy of 6 year old Boy

LKRDN_Morgan

I'd take away ALL his treats and activities until he learns his behaviour is unacceptable. Simple as.

PeacefulWaters

Improve diet.

Significantly reduce good behaviour treats. Maintain exceptional behaviour treats.

gettingtheresometime

The only advice I'd give is be consistent.


If you tell him that X will happen if he does Y, then if he does Y then X has to happen.


I would agree with Pinkshoes though - if you expect good behaviour as the base line then treats should only be for behaviour exceeding that base line.


Just remember though - the easiest job in the world is parenting someone's child

trailingspouse

Some of these behaviour management techniques are so complicated!! A treat, no treats, treats taken away but then given back if you're good. For goodness sake.

Have you tried just being plain old cross with him? It's more immediate than the other methods, and I think this is what he needs. Make eye contact, shout if it makes you feel better (and from the sound of your original post, I think it will), tell him in no uncertain terms what he did wrong, and make him apologise - to you, and to his teacher (in person, not by letter). He's plenty old enough to know how he should be behaving, and if you don't sort it now it will only get worse.

And I disagree with posters who say he shouldn't be punished for things that he's done in school as he won't remember. He's not a puppy. He'll know.

Until his behaviour shows significant improvement, I would be sending him off to school every morning with a dire warning ringing in his ears about what will happen if he doesn't behave. And I would be going to the teacher every night (not waiting for them to come to you) to hear from them how he's been. And then I would deal with him accordingly. It will show him that you and the teacher are a team and that he has nowhere to hide. Be consistent.

If he's bright, he'll learn this particular lesson very quickly, and life will be easier for all of you - you, him, his teacher, and the other kids in his class.

Mojisola

trailingspouse wrote: »

Some of these behaviour management techniques are so complicated!! A treat, no treats, treats taken away but then given back if you're good. For goodness sake.

Have you tried just being plain old cross with him?

I must admit that I couldn't have coped with these complicated systems. We did what our parents did - expected a certain level of behaviour as normal.

What on earth do kids do when they are getting little presents every week just because they've behaved like a decent human being should behave?

rpc

Mojisola wrote: »

What on earth do kids do when they are getting little presents every week just because they've behaved like a decent human being should behave?

If they are a difficult child, that level of behaviour is a fair target and should merit reward. Done right, positive reinforcement is far more effective than punishment.

What you must do, is to move the goalposts a little once a standard is reached. Once some behaviours improve, you set the next target. Done right, it can be very effective. Done wrong, it creates a confused child or a spoilt brat.

Fireflyaway

Forgot to ask, what is his diet like and does he get enough sleep? My nephew was really hyper and naughty at school, i think because his diet was rubbish - processed food and fizzy drinks. He went to bed really late too. Little kids can get very irritable if they are tired and can act hyper or rude rather than sleepy. My nephew was fine at weekends when he could lay in or lounge about, it was just school when required to concentrate etc. Just a thought x

maman

I'll be interested in the answer to what time out actually looks like.

I'd do away with treats as rewards for the time being. What I'd suggest is praise every time you catch him being good. Go over the top to start with and pick on anything you can find like being polite or friendly or tidy or punctual or helpful or doing his reading or anything that's a normal expectation for a child of his age. Then when he misbehaves ignore it as much as possible or say you're cross and disappointed and want the other boy back. Then when behaviour is good start praising all over again.

What can happen is children crave attention and will play up for any attention even if they're getting it from being told off.

MandM90

Hi StressedMummy,

Sorry you're feeling like this. I can't say I have any good advice for you, but what struck me was the plentiful activities and treats. There's a book a read when DD was small called Simplicity Parenting and I'd thoroughly recommend it. We decided to make our house more slow and calm and it seems to have been beneficial for all (not everyone will be so extreme - we got rid of our telly!).

SparklesJD

Fireflyaway wrote: »

My child was naughty in year 1 too. I think it was a combination of having to start 'real learning' and the fact he didn't like the teacher. She was very bossy and he responded better to the quieter more nurturing teachers. Does your son have many friends in class and what are they like? I know some boys find it fun to be naughty or rude for attention or to make other kids laugh then it becomes habit.
After year 1 my child was fine and thankfully has been ever since. I'd just reiterate that good manners are required all the time and you are going to be very disappointed if you hear he has behaved badly and there will be consequences such as removing a privilege. Rewarding behaviour that is ordinarily expected can desensitize kids. They can become used to rewards all the time and as we know as adults you don't get praise for simply following the rules.
Mostly Remember you are not alone. Many many parents experience this sort of thing and often its just a blip that passes.

I was about to say the same. My now year 2 boy had a great teacher, thankfully, but we had lots of problems last year.

He was a summer baby and others in his class seemed to mature quicker and be able to cope with the increased work and behavioural expectations than him. It seems to have settled down now, but it was a nightmare!