Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

    • rich81
    • By rich81 8th Oct 16, 7:36 PM
    • 15Posts
    • 15Thanks
    Are you 100% open with your partner?
    • #1
    • 8th Oct 16, 7:36 PM
    Are you 100% open with your partner? 8th Oct 16 at 7:36 PM
    Being totally honest, does your partner/spouse know everything about your debt - full amounts etc, or do you keep it, or at least part of it to yourself?

    If you haven!!!8217;t already, join the forum to reply!
    This Forum tip was included in's weekly email!
    Last edited by Former MSE Jessica; 18-10-2016 at 2:31 PM.
Page 2
    • tori.k
    • By tori.k 9th Oct 16, 5:44 PM
    • 3,178 Posts
    • 7,984 Thanks
    You're on shady ground when you try and make rules to fit every relationship. I agree as a general rule you should be open, but if one partner is a huge worrier it might be better to keep some things secret.
    Originally posted by CrowCrow
    Secrets have a dirty habit of coming out than that just leaves a person feeling betrayed, people usually ask only the question they want the answers too. Natural worriers are the more submissive partner and don't usually ask directly but just look for conformation that everything is going to be alright. if they do then it should always be the truth to not just undermines the whole equality of the partnership.
    Debit to Credit (stage 1) 3652.34 completed 15/10/16
    Debit to Credit (stage 2) 6299.09 completed 25/06/17
    Mortgage Free (stage 3) 140000/ 870
    Save 12k in 2018 #76 3000/6000
    • jonnybeegood
    • By jonnybeegood 9th Oct 16, 11:30 PM
    • 23 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    My wife knows that we have a lot of debt but we don't really discuss it and she doesn't know the exact amounts. It's under control and reducing each month. She has told me that trusts me to sort it and that she knows that talking about it causes stress and worry. In an ideal world we would be all be totally upfront. but in reality not everyone's relationship works like that.
    • lazer-zxr
    • By lazer-zxr 10th Oct 16, 8:38 AM
    • 399 Posts
    • 460 Thanks
    I can't believe this.
    Of course my partner knows. We're a team. all of the debt was created jointly, and we're beating it as a team.
    To be fair, she won't know the exact balance like I do, but that's because I've become a bit of a geek about this whole thing
    • cats2012
    • By cats2012 10th Oct 16, 10:55 AM
    • 1,175 Posts
    • 1,279 Thanks
    We only have joint accounts so 100% open, always have been
    Officially Mrs B as of March 2013
    TTC since Apr 2015, baby B born March 2017
    • enjoyyourshoes
    • By enjoyyourshoes 10th Oct 16, 1:52 PM
    • 1,061 Posts
    • 1,301 Thanks
    I think it helps to be 100% open about financial affairs (debt, savings, future strategy on investments) with the caveat that its between you two exclusively. You can agree common goals and therefore save/invest accordingly, you can be stronger together as apposed to weaker, pulling in different directions separately in ignorance.
    Debt is a symptom, solve the problem.
    • Teacher2
    • By Teacher2 19th Oct 16, 9:41 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 2,571 Thanks
    If you have a partner you can trust then you can be 100% open about financial affairs. Right from the start, 37 years ago now, my other half and I were totally honest about our spending with each other. We got a joint account and have always had joint savings. There is no 'mine and thine' and we don't do revenge spending. However, there is a high degree of mutual candour in our relationship in all areas, not just the money side of things. We are lucky and we work at it!
    • Indout96
    • By Indout96 19th Oct 16, 10:57 AM
    • 1,764 Posts
    • 2,507 Thanks
    Yes and no really, I look after all the money inc both our ISA's (online) its all on a (very large) spreadsheet that tracks everything monthly and yearly and my wife has the password but probably cant remember it as she never looks.
    We even had the bank saying they would have to go back to paper statements as my wife had not logged on internet banking to "check" statements.
    So whilst we are totally open about finances she has total trust that I will get everything right. I don't see this as an age thing as this started when we got married (I was 21) and 33 years later we are still the same.
    We are debt / mortgage free and my wife is now semi retired on private pensions.
    Understeer is when the front of the car hits the wall.
    Oversteer is when the back of the car hits the wall
    BHP is how fast you hit the wall
    Torque is how far you take the wall after you hit it.
    • jaybizzl
    • By jaybizzl 19th Oct 16, 11:59 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 19 Thanks
    It was about 9 month after we started dating - by knowing the situation we could jointly decide what to spend on "stuff"; holidays, days out, gifts etc. rather than pretending I could afford everything when she was (and always is) debt free.
    • lumpyspaceprincess
    • By lumpyspaceprincess 19th Oct 16, 2:14 PM
    • 127 Posts
    • 286 Thanks
    When my now husband & I moved in together he was out of work & didn't qualify for benefit because of my income / lack of contributions due to uni. That was what prompted my LBM, knowing that we would have to manage on my income, and that I needed to get a handle on my finances.

    Once I'd decided on SC and how to proceed, I told him what I owed, and then how I would be paying it back, how the bills would still be okay etc. As the main breadwinner and less anxious of the two of us it was important to me that he understood the level of debt I had / the impact that would have on me, but also that it wasn't end of days stuff and in a few years it'd be over with and we'd be alright.

    I didn't always tell partners, but we never had joint accounts, and tbh I wasn't fully aware of how bad it was back then!
    25k paid off with Stepchange DMP Debt Free 01/09/17
    Saving for a house deposit by '19 Savs @ 200

Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

2,797Posts Today

7,948Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • It's the start of mini MSE's half term. In order to be the best daddy possible, Im stopping work and going off line?

  • RT @shellsince1982: @MartinSLewis thanx to your email I have just saved myself £222 by taking a SIM only deal for £7.50 a month and keeping?

  • Today's Friday twitter poll: An important question, building on yesterday's important discussions: Which is the best bit of the pizza...

  • Follow Martin