Are you 100% open with your partner?

determined_new_ms

I don't tell my partner how much savings I have. I ball park it lower than it is. Apart from this we are completely honest with each other

tori.k

sourcrates wrote: »

Really ? You never met my ex wife did you ?

Through sometimes painful past experiance, the less you tell the little woman the better, they don't "really" want to know, as long as the roofs over there head, and foods on the table, but then maybe my experiance isn't unique, maybe I just picked the wrong woman, or vice versa.

I think honesty and trust must of been on holiday when I got together with my ex wife, I look at people now who post pictures and messages of undying love on social media, only to find, 6 months down the line, she's copped off with his best mate, is this really the person you want to share your most secret financial details with ???

Maybe I'm getting old and cynical, or I might be the only sane one here, but my financial affairs, stay my financial affairs from now on, when your young and stupid, you want to share everything, when your older and wiser, and you've been through a divorce court or two, you realise that's a really bad idea !!

But hell, don't listen to me, make your own mistakes !!

I have husband number one was a very secretive man, but it was obvious things didn't add up, that lack of respect and honesty just leaves you cynical and bitter. Husband number two is a lot smarter his honesty and my own even when it stuff you don't want to hear, means we are always working from the same playbook, especially in a financial matters. maybe im just more practical than most when your young and stupid you want to create this fairytale happy ever after bubble, and when your older and wiser you realise that it's hard work and you only get back what you put in.

bellaboo86

I think it does matter as it does have an effect on both of you. An ex has approx 9k worth of debt. I knew about it and tried to encourage him to pay it off. One of credit cards had a minimum payment of £300 but most of that was interest. This meant we couldn't afford very much as I didn't earn enough to pay for us both. when we used to get invited out as a couple I would say we need to decline the offer. He would then invent some !!!! and bull story about how he was owed money so we could. I know think he just took cash out on his credit card to pay for such things.
I personally wouldn't enter into a relationship again with someone in a lot of debt again as it had a massive impact on my life. I always had to be the one to say we shouldn't be having a takeaway or going on holiday when you owe that much. It was exhausting always trying to be the positive one saying it was only short term and it would soon be better.

weebit

Yes, of course my wife knows. We both have debt and I see this as "our debt", not "my debt" and "her debt". I pay off which ever has the lowest interest first, regardless of if the debt in my name or her name. We don't have any joint accounts though.

AnxiousHomemaker

Yes, 100% x

Alarae

My OH knows I am in debt, the reasons why (wedding, having to rebuy a new wardrobe of clothes due to losing weight, gym etc) and the general ballpark. He doesn't know exact figures but knows close enough.

We have a joint account which we put a set amount into to cover the household, then everything else we make is 'ours'.

He has said he would happily give me money if it got to the point I struggle however I am very financially independent and I am adamant I will get myself out of the mess- i caused it anyway! Plus all my debt is at 0% so no immediate worry.

He uses his money to do up our house and he doesn't ask me for anything as he knows I can't afford to do so at the moment. That is his way of helping both of us.

CrowCrow

tori.k wrote: »

It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.

You're on shady ground when you try and make rules to fit every relationship. I agree as a general rule you should be open, but if one partner is a huge worrier it might be better to keep some things secret.

katy_ann

I'm now debt free but when I was in debt I was 100% honest with him, I know he has a small amount of debt but I'm not 100% of the value. I also have a savings ISA for when I start my maternity leave which I've been putting into since I found out I was pregnant, he know's about the account and that I have enough to see me through the month's I'm not working but he doesn't know the total value of the account.

DD265

I'm 100% open but not proactively.

Like, I know the exact balance on each of my credit cards right now, my fiance doesn't. He knows I have debt and he knows roughly how much but he doesn't know the exact figure. He's not bothered; it's my debt and he knows I'm sorting it out. If he asked me right now, I'd show him and we both know it so that's fine.

I don't think I could keep it from him to be honest, I think trying to be secretive would just eat me up inside and increase my worry over it tenfold.

tori.k

CrowCrow wrote: »

You're on shady ground when you try and make rules to fit every relationship. I agree as a general rule you should be open, but if one partner is a huge worrier it might be better to keep some things secret.

Secrets have a dirty habit of coming out than that just leaves a person feeling betrayed, people usually ask only the question they want the answers too. Natural worriers are the more submissive partner and don't usually ask directly but just look for conformation that everything is going to be alright. if they do then it should always be the truth to not just undermines the whole equality of the partnership.