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Resilience from betrayal

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Hi newbie here under some very challenging circumstances and this year really is not being kind in fact it’s been outright horrible as my life has been in total free fall. I’m sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel as I always believe that you need to keep positive no matter how hard it gets.

Any way couple of months I left my wife of 15 yrs after being consistently verbally abused almost to the point of dreading to come home and then finally the betrayal with no less than me leaving with the shirt on my back. So Day 2 was sent a message and told that she no longer loved me and that this new person was better in every way and even the kids would grow to love him but that I needed to now collect my stuff immediately to which I said no but I’ll collect some stuff over the weekend. The next thing I find is all my stuff was skipped... hence the shirt on my back! As a result I immediately put a stop to joint bank account in a desperate attempt to stop further issues however I was too late and the overdraft was close to being maxed out of £1400.

Totally unaware of all this prior in a bid to keep the debt down I’d done several transfer balances as she had mentioned she would close some of her cards and we could reduce our debt so took the whole £11,000. Which having researched it I found that it is now my burden alone. Was then contacted by her solicitor and then CSA so now going to have to pay out £700 p/m which I have no choice but that my access to kids would be only a Saturday for a few hours which I do mind. My parents which I’m living with provided me with £2000 in which I paid outright the overdraft using the rest to live until I got paid while I stayed with them.

Month 3 finally I’m about to move into a rented place close by to put my stake in the ground and give me some independence. As nice as it is I’m 40 and can’t live with them! So now in the process of accepting a new job which going through this process had doubts but will be financially better off and I’m genuinely looking forward to it and consider it to be a new start however appreciate that this month coming is going to be a bit financially tough. I’ve not had to pay any board etc but manged to reduce the money loaned from my parents to £1100 however with Debt payments £500 and rent and bond £1400 and CSA £700 and paying some off with my parents etc I’ve worked out that I’ll have just over £600 to live.

The question I have is should I buy things for my new rented house and put it on my credit card with then maybe doing a transfer balance and paying it off or try and get by trying to pay things out right with cash without further increasing the debt? The payments are fragmented and I was wondering just regardless just to consolidate into one payment a month?

When I mean I have nothing I mean it and while I know my parents have bought bits and pieces they will not buy me a washing machine or a TV and I want to pay them back as soon as possible as I feel a bit embarrassed. My thinking was 3 high ticket items are needed Washing machine, fridge and TV while the £600 to pay for transport to work ( train ) , food and doing things for the few hours with the kids I have each Saturday.

I’m not materialistic and have no doubt will pay the debt off however I’ve yet to even think of fighting for custody for my kids and divorce etc...But thought that once I move in I can start the fight back and just have to factor in more costs to which I have no idea about.

Goal for the end of the month I’m expecting to reduce the debt down to £14,500 and my parents down to hopefully £800. However my need for high ticket items would increase the debt to £15,200.

Ps I now have a cash flow very simple mind and debt tracker.
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Comments

  • groovy_chick
    groovy_chick Posts: 120 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hi there, I'm so sorry that you have been so royally scr3w3d by your wife - I experienced the same financial treatment, care of my husband, and I am almost there in paying off all the debt he left me with - you will get there:)

    Regarding your high cost items, can you stagger it? Maybe buy the TV now (priority, obviously!), use the laundrette for a couple of months and try freecycle or ebay for a fridge/freezer? You can save for a new fridge next and then finally stop using the laundrette and buy a washing machine?

    Most people on here will, quite rightly, encourage you not to take on any more debt.

    Best wishes

    GC
    Proud to be debt-free 30/6/2020

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 35,242 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Agreed. No more debt.

    Fridges and washing machines can be picked up for free. Work on getting back on an even keel first.
  • Pixie5740
    Pixie5740 Posts: 14,515 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Eighth Anniversary Name Dropper Photogenic
    Try British Heart Foundation for a washing machine, fridge freezer and a tv.
  • dirtycredit
    dirtycredit Posts: 179 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary Debt-free and Proud!
    Go down to the charity shops - the one's that do furniture you can get everything you need for a flat in there and they are so cheap.
    LBM-November 2019 - Total Debt £28,000/PAID!
  • I would definitely look for things second hand or free on free cycle. Our fridge, washing machine were all second hand. My friend got her washing machine off of eBay for £25 near to her and a year on it is still going strong.

    Also l like the idea of prioritising and using a launderette. You prob would only need to do 1 or 2 washes a week

    Good luck with the move!
    DF as at 30/12/16
    Wombling 2025: £87.12
    NSD March: YTD: 35
    Grocery spend challenge March £253.38/£285 £20/£70 Eating out
    GC annual £449.80/£4500
    Eating out budget: £55/£420
    Extra cash earned 2025: £195
  • tlc678910
    tlc678910 Posts: 983 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Combo Breaker
    Hi, sorry to hear of your situation but you sound like you are have an amazing attitude and are getting on with it as best you can.

    Google "mse eBay local deals mapper" to find collection only eBay auctions near you. There are often white goods and teles.

    Join your local "free cycle" group (where people give away goods for free and ask for them). You can post that you are setting up home from scratch and would be grateful for a tele and white goods and anything else that would help. There are lots of people that are happy to give their no longer required items to a good home. My dishwasher from a friend was surplus simply because she had a fitted kitchen with fitted dishwasher. If you replace them in future you can put them back on free cycle.

    Good luck
    Tlc
  • Sorry for your situation and just wanted to wish you luck. Definitely wouldn't increase debt and go to charity or freecycle as others have suggested.
    Best wishes
    It will all be ok in the end - if it's not ok, then it's not the end!
    Saving for Christmas 2019 #27 total £62.00
    Sealed pot challenge 12 #32 total £67.50
    Mortgage paid off.
  • mrsbee17
    mrsbee17 Posts: 60 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    I'd also definately recommend British Heart Foundation for electrical items. Even if you only keep them for a few months or whatever, until you can buy what you want if you're keen to but often or not these are excellent items, we had to do this when we started out. Have a look around Facebook pages in your local area (Buy & Sell / Faceswap, things like that), often people are giving away stuff they don't want / need; it may be something to tide you over until you can replace it.

    Good luck - it sounds like you're going to be better off in the long run and you need to enjoy your life, not resent coming home. Yay you!
    Love Piggy-banking and YNAB!
  • Smodlet
    Smodlet Posts: 6,976 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    So sorry to hear about your situation. All I can add to the advice already on here is police auction sites can also offer some real bargains. Just search for police auctions, there are several sites, some of which have been featured on MSE, e.g. Bumblebee.

    I don't think your wife can legally throw your stuff away, not personal stuff like clothes/laptops. This issue has cropped up on both Judges Judy and Rinder several times and each time the ruling has been either:

    They still have the stuff and they have to allow the owner to collect it or
    They have trashed it, in which case they owe the value of it.

    Best of luck.
  • Georges_Mum
    Georges_Mum Posts: 37 Forumite
    Hang on in there, two years down the line I have finally got sorted.
    Try Facebook - I have sold on there and there are loads of electrical things coming up for sale especially TV's.
    Good luck :j
    Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm...As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.;)
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