Money Moral Dilemma: Should retired parents pay off their daughter's debts?

GrowMoney wrote: »

Her parents need to ask themselves if it is actually their daughters fault that she is in debt. I suspect as in most cases the fault is actually more with the parents although they do not realise it.

The daughter is a single mother with two children. This situation happens. She probably has very little chance of earning a high salary.

Her parents will be living in a house that their generation has enjoyed increasing in value many times. They have lived the last decade or so believing that they are well off and financially stable based on this over inflated price.

The daughter is also a home owner. However she is likely to have had to overstretch herself in order to even get onto the bottom rung of the property ladder. Her mortgage payments will take up the majority of her salary, leaving very little left and the inevitable build up of debts.

Really it is time that the older generation realised that the impossible situation their children find themselves in is largely their fault. That their perceived wealth based on their property price is false and that they need to be passing this capital onto their children now.

An inheritance when their daughter is in her 60's will be of little use to her. If they paid off £50,000 of her mortgage now it would be life changing for her.

If they care about their grandchildren they should help her by paying off some of her mortgage. They shouldn't watch their grandchildren grow up in poverty, whilst rattling around in a huge oversized, overpriced house and spanking vast quantities of money on various overpriced and unnecessary [insert your parents spending here]

GrowMoney

I really disagree with everything that you have said here!
I worked as a debt arrears manager for a very large bank for over 15 years -there are lots of reasons that people get themselves into debt - losing their jobs - hours decreased at work - maternity leave - mortgage ands cost of living increasing, but their parents having a home with a lot of equity is not one of them!!
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY & OWNERSHIP is something that many people need to take a long hard look at!
Yes she is a single parent and that is not easy - but many couples with/without children, old or young are in the same position.
It this lady is struggling with basic bills such as mortgage utilities food etc then it may be better for her to sell the house - perhaps even move in with her parents, pay off her debt and learn to live on a budget for a while.
Alternatively if she wishes to keep the house, then maybe she needs to visit a debt counsellor in order to sort a detailed payment plan and budget that she can stick to.
IMO the main problem these days is that people want it all and they want it now! Nobody forces these people to sign a credit card form, hand it over in shops for non essential items and build up a large debt that they can see increasing with their monthly statement.
She has shown from history that she has not learnt a single lesson from two previous 'bail outs' - indeed she may well think , like yourself, that she has a right to use the EQUITY that her parents have benefited from over the years - this is my opinion is very selfish.
This is not a young girl who has been silly but a grown woman with responsibilities & two children - life may have dealt her a poor hand and left her on her own but that doesnt mean you have a right to spend other peoples money
I have lost count of the number of times that people used to visit me with their soa and had included all manner of non essential items such as - 300 cigarettes a month - luxury gym membership - trombone lessons!! - footbal season tickets with the train season ticket to match - £200 p/m/ for their holiday fund & £30 week for their curry nite!
Then on the same page they plead poverty for their min credit card payments of £50
People need to get real and spend only what they have . not what they want.
IT's not easy, but as all you people know on here, it can be done and you can have fun along the way.

p.s. after completing hundreds of soa's in my career those people driving around in range rover sports, taking luxury holidays and have huge houses are the worst credit offenders out there - so dont try and keep up with them unless you want to end up in the doo-doo!!

I have a friend who was in this position, we advised her not to bail her daughter out. We suggested they buy a sack of spuds and some shopping for her and her 2 kids.
The daughter struggled with her finnaces got help with the Consumer Credit council.
At first she did resent her parents for not bailing her out again.
2 years on she is now thanking them. She said if they had not stopped bailing her out, she would still not be taking resposibility for her finances, she new they would allways bail her out so she carried on the same. Only when they stopped and she realised that no one was going to bail her out did she take responsibility, then sorted it out and taught her self to manage her money. That would not of happend if her parents had carried on.
She now says she is embaressed to admit to people that she could not manage her money and worse that she squandered money from her parents.

My answer would be no d not give them money but be there for them in other ways.

Why is she overspending, what is she overspending on, does the father contribute?

I would help my daughter, as a parent I didnt bring kids into this workd to see them suffer in the future, regardless of whether it is their own greed that got them into that situtation in the first place - maybe the parents didnt educate their daughter enough on finances.

I would sit her down go through all her finances, set out a plan, and see whether she sticks to it for a couple of months, if so I would write off her debts with my retirement, and then make sure she understands thats the last of the golden pot - I would also give her a few home truths about what her life 'could' be like if she does not curb her spending.

GrowMoney wrote: »

I suspect as in most cases the fault is actually more with the parents although they do not realise it.

... Her parents will be living in a house that their generation has enjoyed increasing in value many times. They have lived the last decade or so believing that they are well off and financially stable based on this over inflated price.

The daughter is also a home owner. However she is likely to have had to overstretch herself in order to even get onto the bottom rung of the property ladder. Her mortgage payments will take up the majority of her salary, leaving very little left and the inevitable build up of debts.

An inheritance when their daughter is in her 60's will be of little use to her. If they paid off £50,000 of her mortgage now it would be life changing for her.

Why blame the parents? the daughter has run up big debts THREE times, and has been bailed out twice!


Do you really think starting on the house ladder was easy when the parents set out? Yes, prices were cheaper BUT salaries were lower, mortgages harder to get and you had to have a 10% deposit. I know - I have been there and wished I could have afforded the T-shirt, but the [STRIKE]house[/STRIKE] sorry, flat (houses were too expensive) came first.

The parents would have struggled through the 80s when mortgage interest shot up and up, new buyers went into negative equity etc etc. I know about this too, OH's job moved and we had to sell at a loss.

Why do you think the parents have saved so hard for their retirement? They have learned the hard way that money does not grow on trees and that they need to prepare for their future, which may well include medical needs that the state will not meet. This is what happened to my parents.

Their daughter is 30+ not 13, and needs to take responsibility for her own life. What will she do when she has bled her parents dry? What are her own kids learning about money - that they should expect her to rescue them?