How to suggest it's time to hand over the car keys?

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  • humptydumptybits
    humptydumptybits Posts: 2,992 Forumite
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    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    No, I meant we were becoming concerned about his ability to drive safely. His actual driving skills remained good, but he would become very tired, and would get confused / lost on familiar journeys. MIL realised this so didn't let him drive on his own any more: if she was going out on her own she'd get the bus rather than let him give her a lift or pick her up.

    once he'd failed the DVLA assessment, he never drove again. When he remembers that he's not allowed to drive any more, he's still grumpy about it. Most of the time he forgets. Forgets he doesn't have a car any more and continues to offer MIL lifts.


    Thanks, I couldn't work it out.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,030 Forumite
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    humptydumptybits wrote: »
    Thanks, I couldn't work it out.
    To be fair, I didn't make it clear ... :rotfl:
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • crv1963
    crv1963 Posts: 1,372 Forumite
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    With my Dad it was me that told him, I suggested as he was unwell and tired easily (had prostate cancer + secondaries) that he should stop for a while until he felt better in control. I think it had dawned on him but he didn't like actually having it suggested to him, so out in the open. He then needed me to drive him about which he enjoyed especially the long runs so he could enjoy the scenery. But to the end he told everyone I'd stopped him driving but never sold the car, we disposed of it after his death.

    Likewise my M-I-L refused to give up her car even though she knew she couldn't drive it, it went three years with only about 50 miles a month put on it as my B-I-L took it for a run to keep it from rotting. When she died it was a ten year old car with less than 8k on the clock. My niece now has it. Made a good first car.
    CRV1963- Light bulb moment Sept 15- Planning the great escape- aka retirement!
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    crv1963 wrote: »
    With my Dad it was me that told him

    I had to do this with my Dad - his control of the car was fine - on a track, he would have driven safely - but his response time to things happening around was getting slow to the point of being dangerous.

    Fortunately, we had talked about this a lot regarding a neighbour who had kept driving long after she was safe so it was easier to broach, including the risks of hurting someone and maybe ending up in court. :(

    Having been a safe driver for many, many years, he saw reason and stopped driving. His car was his pride and joy so he kept that and insured it so that older family members (over 50s) could use it to take him and Mum out and about. The insurance policy specifically excluded him as a driver.

    It made a negative impact on their lives and it's something I'm dreading when my time to stop driving comes - losing the independence is really hard, especially when your mobility isn't good.
  • Arthurian
    Arthurian Posts: 798 Forumite
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    You can report someone who you think is not medically fit to drive to the DVLA, and it is (they say) not revealed who reported the driver.
    https://live.email-dvla.service.gov.uk/w2c/en_gb/forms/EFTD%20Enquiry?button=none&decision=I+have+concerns+over+a+person%27s+fitness+to+drive+and+I+wish+to+tell+the+DVLA&lang=en_gb

    "I have concerns over a person's fitness to drive and I wish to tell the DVLA

    DVLA can only investigate where a driver has a medical condition that affects their ability to drive safely. If you have concerns over dangerous or unsafe driving which is not due to a medical condition, you should contact the police.

    Question 1 of 5
    Third Party Details
    Please provide as much detail as possible so that we can locate the correct driver record.

    All 3rd Party Notifications are treated with the strictest confidence and we will never reveal to the licence holder or any other enquiring party where the information came from originally."
  • crv1963
    crv1963 Posts: 1,372 Forumite
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    To add to Arthurian post treating staff have an obligation to discuss with patients if they have a concern that medical conditions or treatment affects someones driving ability.

    I have to document my conversation took place and when I had a heart attack I was clearly told the same day that I had to inform my insurer that I had been advised to not drive for a month. Interestingly the DVLA didn't need informing- unless I drove during that month.
    CRV1963- Light bulb moment Sept 15- Planning the great escape- aka retirement!
  • humptydumptybits
    humptydumptybits Posts: 2,992 Forumite
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    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    To be fair, I didn't make it clear ... :rotfl:


    Shall we call it a draw then :j
  • Browntoa
    Browntoa Posts: 49,302 Forumite
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    A friend of mine went down the DVLA route , their father in law has a whole list of problems and refused to stop driving.

    He got the letter and was unable to get his licence back .
    Ex forum ambassador

    Long term forum member
  • Silvertabby
    Silvertabby Posts: 9,024 Forumite
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    edited 2 December 2018 at 8:19PM
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    My dad was only in his early 60s when I noticed a problem with his driving. Turned out it was his eyesight - he needed glasses for distance/driving, but was wearing a pair of £2.99 over the counter 'readyspex' reading glasses. Apparently, opticians were 'crooks' and £2.99 'was enough to pay for a pair of glasses'.

    After a bit of pursuasion, and threats from Mr S to dismantle his engine until he could pass a sight test, I dragged him to an opticians and bought a proper pair of glasses for him. He then drove safely for a couple of years until, sadly, the big C took him.
  • Techno
    Techno Posts: 1,169 Forumite
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    I wonder if there is a family that share their time between London and Balmoral having a similar conversation with an older driver at the moment? :D:D
    ;) If you think you are too small to make a difference, try getting in bed with a mosquito!
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