How often do you see your family?

amandacat · 25 January 2020 at 9:06PM

It’s just me and my husband now at home. We have parents who live 15 miles away. Other parents are the other side of the country.

I realised we probably only see the parents nearby about every 6-8 weeks. Time just seems to fly by and with working all week and spending the weekend doing jobs around the house, life feels so busy. They will come and visit every few weeks on a weekend or we will go to them, I’m sure if we lived in the same town it’d be more regular.

Sometimes I just feel like a bad person for not visiting more regularly. Particularly as they are both retired.

Just wondered how often other people see family/parents?

elsien · 25 January 2020 at 9:13PM

One parent, never.
The other parent most days as they dogsit while I am at work.
If they lived further away probably only every few weeks, like you, for exactly the same reasons.

74jax · 25 January 2020 at 9:17PM

I phone my mam a couple of times a week. Last saw her early December and the time before that was May.

My daughter I speak to daily, in text, messenger or voice and see her 1 - 2 times a week.

Speak to brother around 3 times a week and see him maybe 4 times a year.

HampshireH · 26 January 2020 at 11:26AM

Parents generally weekly & hear from them on WhatsApp throughout the week

My OH parents live closer and we see them when we make the effort on special occasions. Never hear from them otherwise.

maman · 26 January 2020 at 2:12PM

amandacat wrote: »

It’s just me and my husband now at home. We have parents who live 15 miles away. Other parents are the other side of the country.

I realised we probably only see the parents nearby about every 6-8 weeks. Time just seems to fly by and with working all week and spending the weekend doing jobs around the house, life feels so busy. They will come and visit every few weeks on a weekend or we will go to them, I’m sure if we lived in the same town it’d be more regular.

Sometimes I just feel like a bad person for not visiting more regularly. Particularly as they are both retired.

Just wondered how often other people see family/parents?

Unless 'retired' is shorthand for old and frail and needing help then I wouldn't worry about that.

There are just two of us at home now. DDs are grown up with homes and families of their own. I appreciate that both DDs are very busy. One lives a mile away, the other about 30.

The local one communicates often by WhatsApp and we see her on average every two weeks when she'll pop round for a coffee. The other one we see rarely, maybe 6 times a year. That's because any free time she has she uses to support her MIL and SIL's great grandmother. It can hurt a bit sometimes (that she constantly puts SIL's side of the family first) but I think because she knows we're active and busy ourselves that we don't 'need' her so she leaves us to it. All is perfectly friendly and amicable when we do meet up.

kingfisherblue · 26 January 2020 at 2:22PM

I see my mum at least four times a week, and speak to her 2-4 times a day, but she is elderly and needs some help. I live in the next street, and I don't have paid employment as I care full time for my severely disabled son. My dad passed away a number of years ago. My sister lives firty minutes away and we rarely see her, although we do text and ring sometimes.

I'm divorced, so have no legal ties to my FiL, but see him briefly about once a week.

I see my daughter, who lives a mile away, about four times a week. We are both Girlguiding volunteers in the same unit, so we always see each other there. I also look after my grandchildren some days, so we see each other then, although it can be very brief at times. We communicate via text, phone, or WhatsApp in between. My boys still live at home, so I see them every day.

Families are very different, and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. You have to find what suits you and your parents.

Drawingaline · 26 January 2020 at 6:09PM

See my parents every few weeks or so, they live close by, so if needs be it can be more often. It tends to peak and trough.

In laws is 3 1/2 hr drive away. We go three times a year, mil tries to get to us 3-4times,but the past few years have een taken up with her mothers decline ue to dementia. She passed away last summer so hoping to see more of her again. Fil rarely comes with her, he is older than her and very much a 'home bird'.

See my sister a couple of times a week. Brother maybe twice a year, he lives in the same town! We were never close, and as a single 36yr old we have not a lot in common.

Husband is an only child.

I only use to see both sets of grandparents three times a year or so. I try and see cousins aunts etc from both sides at least once a year. Mum's side tend to do a big meet up in the summer

PrettyKittyKat · 26 January 2020 at 10:33PM

Once a month - they live 100 miles away. Typically this is me travelling back to see them/other friends/other family.

If they only lived 15 miles away I would see them alot more I must admit - probably weekly.

However it is all personal and up to you. Do you want to see them more? Dothey want to see you more? If the worst happened tomorrow would you regret not seeing them more?

If you DID want to see them more regularly could you make it part of your routine. For example some people I know always go to their parents on a set night for dinner

GingerSaurus · 26 January 2020 at 10:55PM

I’m on maternity leave at the moment and spend a lot of time with my mum during the week. I usually see her 3-4 times a week and my dad will be home maybe once a week when I’m there. When I was working full time I’d see them every week or two.

My husband’s mum and dad live 350 miles away and they’re not close. Before we had the baby we would sometimes not see them for up to 2 years, now it’ll probably be a few times a year.

Some people would say I spend too much time with my mum, others would say we should make more of an effort with the in laws. Whatever works for you and your family is right.

boliston · 26 January 2020 at 11:28PM

Usually see my mum about once a month and my dad every 2 weeks - he has alzheimers (in his 90's now) so is reliant on having regular visitors - I usually see my sisters about once per month as they normally stay at my mum's when they visit

pickledonionspaceraider · 27 January 2020 at 1:31PM

I think that speaking to, whats-app and video calling are all just as valuable as seeing family face to face these days.

For us, One side of the family, never. The other side of the family, every 6-8 weeks (45 miles away).

The thing is, we often hear folk say 'We don't have time' etc, but if we really wanted to, we would make time.

I recently learned the concept of 'making time' when I wanted to devote more time to a particular thing.

It just depends what is more important to you personally. After all, actions speak louder than words.

Something often has to give...and more often it is the thing we take for granted will always be there, but we have time for social media and bingeing box sets on Netflix

I just think if you want to visit more often, work a way to do it, knock something unnecessary on the head, and just do it...but it doesn't always have to be face to face contact

How often do you see your family?

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