School refusing

atrixblue.-MFR-. · 11 February 2018 at 4:31PM

As the title says.

Following on from the Uniform saga, I thought this would need its dedicated thread.

Daughter is ADHD-ASD.

She's started to actively refuse to attend school again, in her eyes school are reneging on arrangements put in place again, she has lost all trust in them and all respect for them.

Cant say I blame her, its a common theme, Such as this for E.G

Daughter hasn't attended Welsh since primary yr 2 she would wonder off in class and not pay attention to it because she never understood Welsh or why she needs it its the same with French although teacher allows her to get on with her homework in class rather than trying to pressure her to engage especially after last time when it almost came to her ripping the whole classroom apart teacher managed to get a male teacher to restrain AND remove her.

School said she did not need to attend welsh or French no longer they would Dis-apply her so long as I got medical evidence so when they had a estyn inspection they could have a nice neat little reason to putting this in place.

I asked GP, GP said they cannot provide this under the guidelines from the local health board its not permissible for them to get involved in this aspect. Same for her psychiatrist consultant, Consultant stated its for ED psych to assess this in agreement with school based on her current medical diagnosis and assessments and risk assessment.

I reported back with this to the deputy head, who stated that ED Psych slots were thin on the ground but her would put daughters name forward for assessment and to leave it with him (I put the situation back in his court so to speak).

I wrote to the school to confirm all the above and get her IEP One page profile and risk assessments and the school now states that I was to write to head of school and LEA with medical evidence to disapply daughter from welsh and that these conversations didn't take place putting it back to me to now sort through. So yes I understand school say one thing and then renege on it when it suits them, they move the goal posts quite often and say things quite differently to what was said in the meetings afterwards.

After the school uniform saga we made an agreement with school that on the basis of her wearing school colours no jegging no leggings or jeans she could wear zip pockets trousers. I asked school to E-mail alert all her teachers this was agreed so there was no questioning her when she was in class about it and sending her to isolation. He says he did this, but the last class of the day teacher put her in isolation and said that she didn't have no E-mail Daughter asked her to double check teacher refused to do so. Daughter went to over to deputy head to explain this and then he said it was for ONE DAY ONLY, this was not what was agreed. Then Daughter walked into a pole in school on way out and hit two teeth loose, Unfortunately daughters a violent person when hurt, and best course is to let her ride it out and calm down so daughter walked into the tutors room where it was empty put head in hands and screamed the place down in frustration and pain, another teacher came in and gave her a stern talking to about her screaming, teacher told her it was pathetic for her age, and to get out of the tutors room and stand against the heads corridor for yet another talking to!. Daughter had enough by this point and just walked out of school instead.

Now were back to square 1. School refusing. and I'm back to pleading and begging on hands and knees with LEA to provide home tutoring on the phone or in their offices in the morning. Yay

.

Whilst this is more of a rant, I would appreciate some advise on what else I can do! have I missed a step here somewhere.

Someone pass me the gin!!!

Spendless · 11 February 2018 at 6:58PM

I'm really sorry to hear and afraid I have no words of advice for you.

We are going through similar things at my youngest's school, where something trivial that should be sorted quickly can escalate out of all control.

atrixblue.-MFR-. · 11 February 2018 at 9:46PM

Spendless wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear and afraid I have no words of advice for you.

We are going through similar things at my youngest's school, where something trivial that should be sorted quickly can escalate out of all control.

yes ive been there, The words of advice I could offer you here is that in the mind of my daughter it was/is a huge deal, So to counter this, I would get headmaster to sit and explain that it isn't bad at all, and praise where it was due. If it came form either me or mum, we weren't believed and it went worse way worse.

Kim_13 · 11 February 2018 at 9:57PM

If they agree to anything else, I would ask for it in writing. You can then give it to your daughter to have it at hand in case she is questioned as to why she is not doing/wearing xyz.

silvercar · 11 February 2018 at 11:28PM

Daughter hasn't attended Welsh since primary yr 2 she would wonder off in class and not pay attention to it because she never understood Welsh or why she needs it its the same with French

Where has she picked up that she doesn't need Welsh (or French). It sounds to me that she has picked up this message outside school, possibly at home , and is now acting on it.

Diamandis · 12 February 2018 at 3:52AM

silvercar wrote: »

Where has she picked up that she doesn't need Welsh (or French). It sounds to me that she has picked up this message outside school, possibly at home , and is now acting on it.

This is the bit that confused me too. You learn loads of stuff at school that isn't useful in the rea world but you still need to go to the classes.

[Deleted User] · 12 February 2018 at 4:47AM

I am SO sorry this has happened. Yep with two children with ASD.., been there too - a little situation escalates out of control and sometimes against hard one agreements with schools as to how something could be dealt with.

I have experienced 6 schools. Only 1 was half way ASD friendly, 1 is doing all it can to make school accessible to my youngest boy. The rest of them were nightmares.

OK I hope you have been able to congratulate your daughter on being so resourcesful, inspite of being so stressed. No one understands how difficult that is. She continued to try and find ways to deal with the situation.

I never understand how 'vulnerable' children are expected to deal with situations of discrimination and broken agreements when adults couldn't.

My son has had lots of problems with languages too. I tend to think that when school is already stressful, trying to translate in your head as you have to, and force your brain to do what it doesn't normally do (work in another language), is extremely difficult for a child with ASD tenancies. With my son, who has real problems writing, he has been allowed to use a laptop so its taken one struggle out of the picture (he's in senior school now). Suddenly he can do Spanish, answering the set work in the given time, whereas he couldn't before. I don't know if the same could help your daughter. I do realise schools are very very unwilling to allow laptop access as to them, writing is all. But now we have finally been given some leeway, his abilities are finally showing. I always said forcing him to write things manually was a major block to learning for him. And his school is finally seeing that! But this is the first time I have been able to successfully negotiate this.

I had to get quite firm with my son's GP. He was very reluctant to write a letter saying he had school anxiety to enable him to miss the last 3 weeks of year 6 which he was refusing to attend (deep down they think its just a child putting it on even as a GP). I don't know if it will help if you point out to the GP that you need your child to access the rest of school, missing Languages is better than no school.

And, I am afraid, it might be time to consider moving your child to another school with more what they call parochial support. this is what has made the difference to my son. He's finally at a mainstream school that is prepared to understand ASD, and make school accessible for him. I am no longer fighting to have the simplest aspects of ASD understood. I am no longer viewed with disbelief. You can ask around. In my case a social worker was able to tell me of two schools that were good with ASD, with good parochial support. I have seen my son's school deal with some very difficult circumstances with children with special needs. However, they do have stringent isolation rules which could be a problem for us too. But they have changed my son's experience of school in a radical way. Mostly due to the SENCO finally being what a SENCO should be, knowledgeable and flexible. He is finally able to be the intelligent young man he has always been who is doing well in school. Still problems, but solvable.

GwylimT · 12 February 2018 at 8:57AM

When did she last meet with Autism Outreach?

When did she last see her Ped?

Languages are commonly very difficult for those with ASD.

You mention a one page profile and IEP, so I assume she does not have an EHCP?

Tabbytabitha · 12 February 2018 at 9:05AM

Diamandis wrote: »

This is the bit that confused me too. You learn loads of stuff at school that isn't useful in the rea world but you still need to go to the classes.

Perhaps you do but languages are useful - particularly if it's the language of the country where you live.

silvercar · 12 February 2018 at 9:33AM

Diamandis wrote: »

This is the bit that confused me too. You learn loads of stuff at school that isn't useful in the rea world but you still need to go to the classes.

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Perhaps you do but languages are useful - particularly if it's the language of the country where you live.

As an English speaker who grew up in South Wales, I can tell you that very few people speak solely welsh in South Wales and only a small percentage have welsh as their first language. Often those children are educated in Welsh speaking schools. There is often a general feeling that learning Welsh, made compulsory in schools, is a 'waste' compared to foreign languages. But this is an attitude that is picked up - from family or friends.

If you already have a pupil with special needs, who feeds off these comments, with the potential to be a refuser, these situations can get worse. The problem is that the attitude is reinforced from outside school and then carries more weight in the mind.

I don't want to divert the discussion on to the value of learning Welsh, merely saying that for someone to pick out Welsh as a lesson to avoid, they are receiving a message from somewhere to validate their opinion.

seven-day-weekend · 12 February 2018 at 9:34AM

My son is now 38 and has mild Asperger's Syndrome. He too found foreign languages inpenetrable, he used to cry if he had to do any speaking in class.

We asked the teacher if he could not sit his GCSE, it was obvious he was going to fail and we did not think he should be humiliated by having to speak in front of the class (which was part of the assessment).

A compromise was reached whereby he took the exam, but only had to speak to the teacher, not the whole class, he was OK with that.

And yes, he did fail.

Years later when he was in his late 20s, we lived in Spain and he came to visit us with his partner. They went out on their own and I told them that if they ordered food or drink they would have to do it in Spanish as no-one spoke English. I wrote a few things down for him and told him how to pronounce them, he went off and spoke Spanish with no problem.

I think the problem with French at school was that, at that time, was he didn't realise it was a Foreign Language, that people in France actually spoke, and couldn't get it into his head. My husband said he had the same problem at school, and when he was told to say 'oui' instead of 'yes', didn't understand why he couldn't just say yes.

Maybe the OP's child has a similar block.

School refusing

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