Do you gift your grandchildren when one daughter has no children?

Sligo_Smokey · 10 June 2018 at 1:34PM

Hi All,
until now we have only given cash gifts to our children but now that all our cherished grandchildren are nearly teenagers, we are wondering if we should include them.

Problem is, one daughter and her husband have no children. She said she is quite happy for us to give gifts to our grandchildren but we still feel a little uncomfortable.

We are a very close-knit family. I would welcome your ideas and explanations, please. :j

Thank you,

grandad sligo

cyantist · 11 June 2018 at 12:00PM

Cash gifts for what? And about how much are we talking about?

I don't really understand why you'd feel uncomfortable giving a gift to your grandchildren.

sheepy21 · 14 June 2018 at 12:20AM

How can it in any way be an issue to give your grandchildren gifts? Bizarre tbh, you can't treat them as less because for some reason one of your children didn't have a child :think:

Tom99 · 14 June 2018 at 2:48AM

I contribute to my grandchildren's JISA each year but my will is still shared equally between children with nothing extra for grandchildren.

So I suppose £100's is ok and maybe a few £1000's but when it gets to £100,000 more thought is required.

onomatopoeia99 · 14 June 2018 at 12:15PM

My parents have two children. My brother has children of his own, I do not. Of course the grandchildren get birthday and Christmas presents. I do not get bonus presents on these occasions due to not having my own children for them to give presents to.

If you mean other gifts, then if my parents give a non birthday / christmas financial gift they will give to me and my brother, with my brother's said to be intended for the grandchildren. Their wills state an amount (whatever the content of a specific account that has been growing for over 30 years is) split, half divided between the grandchildren and half to me, outside of the main bulk of the estate which will be split equally between my brother and me.

Basically they make sure both households get the same and don't treat me differently for not having bred. My brother is happy with this, he doesn't expect preferential treatment for his family because he has children.

TBagpuss · 14 June 2018 at 1:38PM

Its your money, so it is up to you how you use it. I don't think giving gifts to grandchildren is unreasonable.

However, if you would feel uncomfortable giving gifts to you grandchildren because it would mean you were giving more to one child's family than another, or if you are thinking of large gifts in your will, you could simply adjust how the amounts are split.

e.g. if one child has 2 children of their own, you could chose to give £250 to each grandchild, £500 to their parent, and £1,000 to the childless daughter.

hazyjo · 14 June 2018 at 5:18PM

I'll give you an honest answer from my POV - some may not get it, call me a brat, or shoot me down.

My sis has 3 kids. I have none. My mum is very generous which is why I feel like a spoilt brat for feeling the way I do.

I now feel like I'm one of five. All gifts of money get split evenly between my 18 year old nieces and 22 year old nephew and me and my sis. Yes, I DO feel upset about it, and can't help but feel penalised for not having kids. My sis' family are getting 4/5ths of everything. Don't get me wrong, it's not the money, I'd rather she blew the lot. It's just down to an emotional reaction that I can't change.

My mum thinks of the kids as her own. She does way more for them than their own dad does (and even my sis to some extent). It's like they have two mums. She's there all the time and goes along to everything they ever do.

She bought all of them nearly-new cars when they passed their tests. My own car is over 10 years old. Not that I expect her to buy me one, same as I don't expect her to buy my nieces/nephew one, but c'est la vie. She got me and my sis cars (30 years ago when we passed tests) so maybe she just thinks it's her duty. Most of my friends are buying their kids old cars.

Most friends agree with me. One thinks I'm being sensitive, but then her and her sis both have 3 kids each and she's expecting anything to go straight to her kids.

Anyway, just my view. A friend at work has said when her parents go, they are leaving her and her brother even amounts and 10% to each grandchild. Seemed fair to me.

Not really looking for others' views on this - not here for myself - just trying to give the OP some insight as to how I feel, although I'm guessing they're not talking about an even split.

I know part of my niggle is that I wanted kids and didn't have them. If I'd known my mum was going to pay for just about everything for them, look after them for nothing, take them absolutely everywhere they wanted to go and pick them up, and I'd not have to worry about money, I'd have just gone ahead and had one on my own.

oystercatcher · 14 June 2018 at 6:31PM

Surely each grandchild is a separate person to be loved, treated and gifted in their own right, equally. Why should one child effectively get more just because they haven't had children and another child have to divide what they have by two or three to give to their children?

I have no idea how my parents have written their will and it is their decision but a 50% split between their two children then passed down would then mean their wealth passes to one grandchild as half their estate and to three as one sixth each how is this fair ? Why is the one grandchild worth more than the other three?

elsien · 14 June 2018 at 6:38PM

I'm the childfree sibling in this scenario.

Parents are fair about giving myself and siblings similar amounts. If they then want to gift money to the grandkids as well I'm fine with that. It's their money, they can do what they want with it and the kids have holidays/university costs/cars etc to pay for. TBH I'd be more suprised if they didn't than if they did. It's really not an issue.

cyantist · 14 June 2018 at 8:45PM

oystercatcher wrote: »

Surely each grandchild is a separate person to be loved, treated and gifted in their own right, equally. Why should one child effectively get more just because they haven't had children and another child have to divide what they have by two or three to give to their children?

I have no idea how my parents have written their will and it is their decision but a 50% split between their two children then passed down would then mean their wealth passes to one grandchild as half their estate and to three as one sixth each how is this fair ? Why is the one grandchild worth more than the other three?

For gifts I completely agree with the first part. I would find it ludicrous if my parents were to spend 3 times as much on my daughter as her cousins simply because she is our only child.

However when it comes to wills it's a lot more complicated and you are assuming that wealth will be passed on to the grandchildren. It doesn't have to be. And what happens if say 10% of the estate is left to each grandchild and then another grandchild or two are born and get nothing.

My parents have 4 grandchildren (currently). Should they write their will to leave me 25% and my sister 75% so that when (and if) it's eventually passed on all grandchildren would end up with the same proportion of the estate?

Spendless · 14 June 2018 at 10:40PM

It's different in my family so some of the previous answers would not apply but mine have always given more to their children than their Grandchildren. To me that makes sense, because the kids own parents should be seeing to their own children.

Eg if parents give £50 to each of their kids at birthday/christmas then they would give £20 to each grandchild. It wouldn't matter how many grandchildren they were or how they were divided up. Each grandchild would receive the same as another grandchild, but less than the grown up children would. There will sometimes be the odd exception to this. Later this year I don't expect to receive the same amount of money from my parents as a birthday gift as my son did at the beginning of the year because it was his 18th and he received more for that reason. When he passes his driving test, I don't expect my parents to buy him a car, that would be down to us to do so, in the same way my parents helped both me and sis buy their first ones

It would be the same way with a will, which would name the children but not the grandchildren.

Do you gift your grandchildren when one daughter has no children?

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