Do you gift your grandchildren when one daughter has no children?

PrettyKittyKat · 15 June 2018 at 12:43AM

We have quite a large family. Once the next generation came along, which was actually great grandchildren in our case, it was agreed that once someone has children then the the adult stops receiving a gift and the children start receiving instead. This had been discussed a little previously to this my Mum is one of 5 and only 1 sibling has no children. She would always buy for all her nieces and nephews each birthday and christmas so my Mum and other Auntie would always buy her a gift and reaffirm she should not buy them as she had no children to buy for so she got the gift instead. It works for our family, although all may not agree. It was just becoming umanageable with the amount of family members and the cost!

As it happens for the last two years we actually moved to a secret santa as the grandchildren are all of adult age now and were buying for each other so the numbers and costs were getting silly again! We;ve really enjoyed secret santa which is for adults only, everyone that wants to still buys the children (which is now 5 great grandchildren).

gettingtheresometime · 15 June 2018 at 12:02PM

My sister has 3 children whereas I have one.

Each grandchild is given the same amount for Christmas & Birthdays. Each daughter & SIL is also given the same amount.

This question did come up when mum was writing her will as she was wondering what to do if one daughter died before her. In the end she decided the fairest solution was to share that daughter's share between the relevant grandchildren so in my sister's case her share would be shared between her children whilst mine would go to my son.

PippyLS · 7 July 2018 at 6:32PM

Hi, from myself, also large close knit family. 5 other siblings have children, me and hubby don't. Birthdays every grandchild gets whatever for their birthday and as focus is in the GC it does not come into play in mind.
Christmas when the whole family is together, my mum hands cash to each child ( not spouse) for the couple, then a lesser amount to each grandchild.
My and hubby get same as the grandchildren for our cats ( we have 2). I think it's because mom and dad don't want us to feel left out. We appreciate the gesture and usually ends in our holiday pot !!!55357;!!!56832;

Kynthia · 11 July 2018 at 6:44PM

Standard gifts are individual (birthday/christmas/graduation/etc), so it doesn't matter how many children. I personally think parents should leave their wealth equally to their children, not grandchildren, and then it's up to the children whether they pass on any to their children either as a gift or through a dead of variation with the will.

The trickier part is deciding how to treat large gifts and regular financial help. So more than standards presents but less than redistributing their wealth including before their wealth. Is it done per person, by need, or per child's household? It can be argued any of those ways, even different ones at different times so there isn't one right answer. Finding out if your children have strong views one way or another is a start but at the end of the day even your children don't have the right to say how you spend your money. So it may be a balance between what you feel is fair and what you feel will cause the least resentment.

newatc · 11 July 2018 at 10:34PM

I give my grandchildren birthday and Xmas money along with my 3 children, I must admit I have never given it a thought about giving my one child who has no children extra to compensate. Arguably those with children need more though that plays no part in my gift policy. I have never heard or detected any resentment.
Eventually our estate will be divided between our three children.

JWM · 16 July 2018 at 1:21PM

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Basically they make sure both households get the same and don't treat me differently for not having bred.

Bred??

Don't animals breed whilst human beings have families?

Red-Squirrel_2 · 17 July 2018 at 1:45PM

PrettyKittyKat wrote: »

We have quite a large family. Once the next generation came along, which was actually great grandchildren in our case, it was agreed that once someone has children then the the adult stops receiving a gift and the children start receiving instead. This had been discussed a little previously to this my Mum is one of 5 and only 1 sibling has no children. She would always buy for all her nieces and nephews each birthday and christmas so my Mum and other Auntie would always buy her a gift and reaffirm she should not buy them as she had no children to buy for so she got the gift instead. It works for our family, although all may not agree. It was just becoming umanageable with the amount of family members and the cost!

As a child free auntie, I would hate that. I would feel totally patronised as though I was still considered to be on the level of the children, or not quite an adult because I hadn’t wanted children.

I just think keep it simple. Treat your adult children as you’ve always treated them, and view the new grandchildren just as they are, as new family members in their own right not extensions of their parents.

If some adjusting needs to be done for financial reasons, just keep it proportional.

Red-Squirrel_2 · 17 July 2018 at 1:46PM

JWM wrote: »

Bred??

Don't animals breed whilst human beings have families?

Humans are animals. Breed, reproduce, procreate, start a family, it all means the same thing

Robots · 23 July 2018 at 10:49AM

I can't imagine giving one of my children more because they didn't have any kids! When you think about it, the grandchildren are separate people - the child doesn't gain when you give to the grandchild. It's a bit like when parents give other siblings a gift when it's the other siblings' birthday.

Seems simple to me, but appreciate every family is different.

ska_lover · 12 August 2018 at 7:58PM

Gifting to adult kids should be equal amounts into each household . Nevertheless if one of them has more kids than the other siblings. Just my thoughts but it does seem like penalising for not having kids

My MIL spends fortunes on my SIL, holidays, etc....to be fair its not just money its time, spending most weekends there. But always claims poverty / too busy with the siblings who do not have kids

Do you gift your grandchildren when one daughter has no children?

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