Dating with no money?

bytheseas · 9 April 2018 at 7:23PM

Well. Been living on my own for around a year now and been using dating apps a fair bit recently.
I was just thinking if it happens we can always go for a walk along the beach or a dog walk somewhere. Maybe even waste a few 2ps in the arcades.

Now I've got the the point of asking a girl out and she just instantly replied with "Where would we go" to which I suggested the beach like above. She then said it would be nice to go for food... blah blah.

Anyways... I can't even afford to pay for me to go out for dinner at the moment. Never mind pay for someone else.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How do we date without money!?

Should I just wait until my finances are in a better position? Should I tell them I'm skint? (Doesn't sound like a good plan to me)

P.S I know this is probably in the wrong place but nowhere seemed to fit...

lookstraightahead · 9 April 2018 at 7:35PM

How about a coffee? Choose a time that isn!!!8217;t around a meal time.

PasturesNew · 9 April 2018 at 7:37PM

Tell her you're skint and all you can manage is a picnic.... is she's still interested you can move forward on that.

You'll lose some by being open/honest, but you'll gain some too - and you'll not waste any money trying to impress one by scraping together money for food one night when they dump you for not being able to afford it every week....

Honesty means you attract/keep the right sort of people - and dissuade/alienate the wrong type.

Trying to dodge it and gloss over it, with things like coffee, is only putting off the inevitable ... and wasting your time and money along the way.

buythedip · 9 April 2018 at 8:51PM

Big walk with the dog and picnic sounds pretty decent to me. Could you borrow body boards and wetsuits from a mate assuming you are on the coast? How about bike hire followed by chips? Being active should make any lulls in conversation easier!

LexieLou · 9 April 2018 at 11:39PM

You know what, I'm skint too and a coffee is perfect. I dated a guy last year who was as skint as me, lost his job due to his money issues. He never knew how much debt I am in. We had nights in, made dinner, nothing fancy, home made chicken pie and chips, some nights a movie on the tele, walks, we have dogs so they got walked frequently.
Internet dating is this...you meet for half hour tops the first time. If they want to go for a meal the first time, chances are they are money greedy and you don't need that. EG if you met someone in a bar and chatted, would you say to them within 5 mins of meeting them 'lets do dinner?'. No, you would ask them for a drink or coffee.

Don't let your debt hold you back from living. When you meet the right person, they don't care about your past, or your present, they will want to help you make your present and future the best it can be.

HustleGang · 9 April 2018 at 11:54PM

This is something I've struggled with recently. I'm only a few months away from becoming debt free but bot having anything spare has been holding me back.

I think the above post about eliminating time wasters is a good one, if someone is genuinely interested in you being in dent shouldn't matter

MalMonroe · 10 April 2018 at 12:14AM

Just be honest. As a girl (or woman, as I say) I can tell you that there's nothing worse than men who lie, either outright or by omission. I don't understand why you feel you have to pay for her, either. I'd be quite offended by that, if it was our first meeting. Go for a coffee and then tell her you're in a difficult financial position right now. If she doesn't get it, she's not for you. When I was younger I used to go on dates and we'd go for walks, to parks, museums, etc. then have a coffee somewhere. It's not difficult to find somewhere to go. But lying, no that'd finish me off!

Poppy1984 · 10 April 2018 at 12:15AM

Dating in the early stages you're just getting to know someone. I'd also suggest a coffee or drink for a first date, like others have said half hour/ hour is enough time to decide if you like each enough to go on another date. The second date of a walk along the beach sounds lovely. From my point of view I internet dated and wouldnt have gone for a walk on a first date (safety reasons) I'd happily go for a drink/cuppa though and if I felt comfortable then a walk along the beach on the second date I'd definitely like the idea of. After that you can work up to after a few dates depending on how things go inviting them round and making them dinner (cheaper than a meal out)

There will be people that don't want to date that way but then there's no point in you getting into a relationship with someone like that because you aren't going to be able to live like that.

Im in debt and my partner knows, we have lovely times together and they don't cost much money. If he had been someone who could only enjoy expensive nights out, trips away etc our relationship wouldn't survive.

Good luck there will be plenty of people who would be relieved to be dating someone who doesn't want to spend £50/£100 on an evening out!

John-K_3 · 10 April 2018 at 7:10AM

People (women in particular) will quite often want the first date to be somewhere public, with others around, and a restaurant is relatively standard for that.

That doesn!!!8217;t have to mean a Michelin starred place, though, a cafe in a park would probably do, or an ice cream shop down by the sea.

If you literally have nothing, though, not even a couple of pounds for a coffee, then to be honest I think that you may struggle. People are not only scouting out a future spouse, they want to have a bit of fun, and that tends to mean a bit of expense.

Tell people that you are a bit cash strappped, and suggest something at the reasonable end, but despite the positive thoughts above, I do think you will struggle a bit if you literally say that you haven!!!8217;t even got enough for a cup of tea.

Ilona · 10 April 2018 at 8:39AM

I don't date, because I don't want to, but if I did I wouldn't be looking for someone with oodles of money to lavish on me. Money doesn't impress me one bit. I would be looking for someone with a friendly personality, a sense of humour, someone with interesting conversations. I also value honesty.

A first date is just about making contact, testing the waters, getting to know a bit about someone, so a coffee or a walk is fine.

Ilona

itchyfeet123 · 10 April 2018 at 10:43AM

Well, what do you do for fun on your own? There are plenty of cheap/free entertainment options. If you frame it as "these are the things I like to do" then you're more likely to meet someone who wants to spend time doing those things. Likewise, as you cast your net, look for people who mention those things as their own interests/hobbies. On the flip side, there's not much point in reaching out to people who mention hobbies or interests that aren't in your budget. Sure, you don't have to do everything together, but some overlapping interests are necessary.

And as others have said, you don't need to budget for two; it's pretty standard to either split the bill or alternate paying (if there's more than one encounter).

Dating with no money?

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