Dating with no money?

Soundgirlrocks

John-K wrote: »

I!!!8217;m very much in favour of equality, in all areas, including work. I just wonder sometimes at women who claim that they are too, but who still assume that the man should make the first offer to pay, or the first move, or should hold a door open for them. I find it strange, inconsistent, and probably damaging to other women by reinforcing out of date gender stereotypes.

I didn't say we assume I said its something we like. And as I said I do often send the first message, buy the first drink etc which you seem to be ignoring. Equality doesn't negate good manners (on either side)

When you are dating you are out to impress a potential partner, you are looking at their personality, appearance, shared experiences, all the things that attract people to each other. Its a different environment to the workplace and people do behave differently. We make 100's of micro decisions based on that behaviour. When a man offers to pay I think for myself and my friends its a sign that they will have a more open attitude with money than a "this is mine that's yours" which is desirable. And when we counter offer to split the bill we hopefully show don't expect to be carried financially.

CavendishWobble

Soooo.....back to the original post...!

Bytheseas - As a 20 something guy in the city whose been on his fair share of dates i do get where you are coming from, dating can be expensive even if you are fine financially and being honest the large majority of females do expect you to foot the bill to have a chance of a second date.

For a first date, i do look for cheaper options because you can gauge pretty quickly if you both 'click' or not. Iv taken first dates to expensive dinners before only to find we have nothing in common. Some 'cheaper' options iv done previously are -

- Walk around a scenic park or place & offer to get them a coffee or drink whilst we walk round
- Any museums or art places with free entry then a coffee or drinks after (if you 'click')
- Buying a reasonable bottle of wine, bringing some glasses and drink it together at a park / beach
- Free comedy clubs but again buying them a drink to enjoy the performance with (plus change for the collection at the end!)
- Hiring some bikes and cycling around green areas / beaches etc
- Crazy golf (there are some reasonable priced ones outside in my seafront towns)

Good luck and hope this helps

Bertles

From what I've seen in other money saving / debt free groups, there are a lot of people out there trying to find someone with the same financial goals.

Maybe you could be upfront about it on your dating profile. Explain that at the moment you are working on being debt free for a better future etc. That way you won't waste time with those who aren't on the same page as you.

Maybe write down some light hearted choices for cheap / free dates and say they can pick one.

pennystretcher

Be honest from the start and like the other ones have said, maybe you had a lucky escape.

Picnics and walks on a beach are good with me. If you have to take someone out for a meal, using an offer is OK with me, maybe someone who looks for a sugar daddy will disagree with me....

Personally I'd take turns with dates, you pay this one, I'll pay the next. But then that's just my opinion...

pennystretcher

CavendishWobble wrote: »

- Walk around a scenic park or place & offer to get them a coffee or drink whilst we walk round
- Any museums or art places with free entry then a coffee or drinks after (if you 'click')
- Buying a reasonable bottle of wine, bringing some glasses and drink it together at a park / beach
- Free comedy clubs but again buying them a drink to enjoy the performance with (plus change for the collection at the end!)

The points above tick the box with me. (Re reasonable bottle of vino, depends the taste. I like my £6 prosecco from Lidl and £4+ pinot grigio - always Italian from Venice for around £5 a bottle does the trick for me..) If someone said that we could go for a wee walk in a park and turned up with a picnic basket/bag with blanket, bottle of wine and maybe some olives and cheese&crackers, I'd be all over the moon. (And olives can be the ones from a jar, as long as you put them in a container that doesn't show where they come from and cheese is already cut into cubes and crackers are in a non-branded container) So you can buy the cheapest, but just hide the price by putting in a nice looking lunch box/plastic container.. (Most people can't tell where you got it from unless you show them the label.) It's the thought that counts. Not the money spent on the food.

Ps For white wine and if you are having a picnic on a sunny day, put some ice cubes in a thermos so you can add them to the glasses to keep the wine cold.

ali-t

Definitely cheap or free for a first date but I don!!!8217;t want to have to change my lifestyle too much to accommodate someone who can!!!8217;t afford it. If a persons profile has lots in it about enjoying meals out, holidays, hobbies etc and every date is walking the dogs (love dogs so that is always a good option just not all the time) then I would start wondering when and with who they do all this stuff or is it lies to lure in a prospective partner.

maisie_cat

My first date with my husband was a walk followed by chips and coffee in a pub, we still talk about how nice it was 16 years later. We were both pretty skint at the time and never did do the lots of expensive dates thing.

[Deleted User]

One of the first times I met my now husband was going round to his, he made me beans on toast and we played old video games on his consoles. It was a lovely time just me and him. I agree about the first date needing to be public thought - Why not just be honest, say you are skint and suggest a nice bike ride / walk or if you have a local park that has activities they may be cheap enough or free cinema tickets in the freebies thread on here?

[Deleted User]

you can get free condoms from family planning

bytheseas

Well...

I've just had a first date which cost a total of £2.60. 2 cups of coffee at the beach.
It was lovely. So yeah, last one was obviously the wrong type of person for me haha.

Grins