Dating with no money?

Fireflyaway

I did internet dating years ago ( it's how I met my husband!) And never went for food. I wouldn't want to spend money being with someone you really might not enjoy being with and it's hard to talk properly when you are eating. I
I'd much rather go for a walk or coffee and I'd be more attracted to someone living within their means than spending to impress but actually being in debt. I hate showing off of trying to keep up.

Karonher

There is always the chance that the woman who has blocked the OP is a bit suspicious and worried that they may be expected to pay for everything. They are also at an age - assuming they are only a few years younger/same age as the OP - when they want to do things they enjoy rather than what they consider making do. They may have been more than happy to pay their way when it came to going for a meal.

If they are looking to meet someone they will be serious about and settle down with, they may be put off by the idea of having to wait however long it will be before they can start thinking of a house/family. If they want a few more years of fun before settling down, a walk on the beach may not cut it.

I would always pay half and not expect the man to pay everything, but I would also want to know we could do what we wanted and not be limited to a coffee or something cheap/free. Cheap days out can be fun, but not when they are forced on you and are all that is available for the time being.

Soundgirlrocks

bytheseas wrote: »

Splitting the bill? I know it's 2018 and all that and I have been out of the dating game for 6 years. But does this really happen? I honestly can't recall a moment in my life where a woman has ever offered to split the bill or pay. Certainly not in the first few dates anyway. I'm only 31 too, it's not like I'm in the woman at home man at work generation haha.

My friends and I are veterans of dating in London (even just going for a drink can cost £20:eek:)

General agreement of what we like is a bloke that offers to pay BUT we would then counter offer to split the bill or buy the next drink. Weird possibly but that seems to be the norm in our group. If the offer isn't there then it does seem to ring alarm bells, and if they start itemising "I had this you had that" then its a run for the hills!

That said personally if someone was up front at the start and said they were watching the pennies "can we do XYZ" that would be great and wouldn't put me off.

determined_new_ms

I agree with everyone on the meal front - personally when I was dating I liked to keep the first date fairly short. I remember once being taken for a meal and realising very quickly that I had nothing in common with the person, there was no spark so conversation was hard to keep going. However the other person obviously didn't share my concerns. At that point I made the decision short dates of an hour or so for the first date.

Personally I've never been very materialistic so if I was intrigued enough to want to get to know someone more (after the initial meeting) I would be happy with creative/low cost dates - well actually as that's my thing I'd personally like it! I guess the people who like you, and feel you spark enough interest won't be bothered by that. The ones who have a different outlook aren't for you anyway so there's nothing really lost there except time wasted finding out someone's not for you.

Depending on your age if you're older you may struggle with people who you do hit it off with but aren't financially strained and have the money & desire to do things that cost. And if you're younger, well in my experience fun in my younger years was more expensive! But I guess that's life, sometimes it's a case of the right person at the wrong time.

Sncjw

Well looks like you had an escape there. Clearly she was after your money or being greedy.

Couple quid for a coffee is perfect for meeting up. Maybe try save a tenner or so just in case you end up staying for a couple more. Maybe she won!!!8217;t mind paying for her own.

I!!!8217;m single and have been for 8 years sad I know but I find it difficult to meet people as I!!!8217;m very hard of hearing so I go on internet dating sometimes but I also think pekple are joking when they say they like me due to what happened at school. I just don!!!8217;t believe it

You don!!!8217;t need to tell her your full financial details just could tell her this is a tough month when you meet up. Don!!!8217;t say your cash strapped when arranging meet up just say you would rather go for a coffee to get to know each other. If your comfortable with her then you can decide on the next date and say your in a tough time atm but would like to see her again.

Sncjw

Or you could take some money for coffee then get water the next round as I know cafe Nero offer water well my local does

John-K_3

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

My friends and I are veterans of dating in London (even just going for a drink can cost £20:eek:)

General agreement of what we like is a bloke that offers to pay BUT we would then counter offer to split the bill or buy the next drink. Weird possibly but that seems to be the norm in our group. If the offer isn't there then it does seem to ring alarm bells, and if they start itemising "I had this you had that" then its a run for the hills!

This sounds fair enough, but may I ask, do you expect equality in other areas of life, such as oromotions at work?

We seem to be in a strange between-times period at the moment, where women (as a group, so ai’m generalising) demand equality (or better) at work, but still assume that, as above, men should treat them as better than equals in financial matters.

It’s common for women to expect men to offer to pay, but seems far less common for women to think that it could be them who offers first.

bytheseas

John-K wrote: »

This sounds fair enough, but may I ask, do you expect equality in other areas of life, such as oromotions at work?

We seem to be in a strange between-times period at the moment, where women (as a group, so ai’m generalising) demand equality (or better) at work, but still assume that, as above, men should treat them as better than equals in financial matters.

It’s common for women to expect men to offer to pay, but seems far less common for women to think that it could be them who offers first.

Now now, lets keep this on topic.
I can see that taking this thread down a very dark path of gender equality arguments.

Now lets all grab some hot chocolate and watch the Red Pill :beer:...

Soundgirlrocks

John-K wrote: »

This sounds fair enough, but may I ask, do you expect equality in other areas of life, such as oromotions at work?

We seem to be in a strange between-times period at the moment, where women (as a group, so ai!!!8217;m generalising) demand equality (or better) at work, but still assume that, as above, men should treat them as better than equals in financial matters.

It!!!8217;s common for women to expect men to offer to pay, but seems far less common for women to think that it could be them who offers first.

Ignoring the chip on your shoulder you appear to have (how dare women demand to be treated equally!) and the recent study showing the extent pay gap highlighting the chronic undervaluing of female dominated industries. No where did I say I expected to be treated better than equal in financial matters.

If I'm meeting someone for a drink and I arrive first I will send a quick text saying I'm there and what would they like, so yes I do! I also often send the first message on dating apps.

I would never dream of just buying myself a drink, I would consider it rude.

Its more about a nod to old fashioned manners, and a general attitude towards money. I wouldn't suggest diner on a first date either but as I said my friends and I would always counter offer to split the bill and expect to.

Interestingly over on the relationship board couples that operate a "this is my money and that's yours" approach often get shot down as not really being in it together. There is probably an element when dating of assessing someone's attitude towards money and how they handle that first interaction.

John-K_3

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

Ignoring the chip on your shoulder you appear to have (how dare women demand to be treated equally!) and the recent study showing the extent pay gap highlighting the chronic undervaluing of female dominated industries. No where did I say I expected to be treated better than equal in financial matters.
.

Wow, you certainly managed to get the wrong end of the stick there.

I!!!8217;m very much in favour of equality, in all areas, including work. I just wonder sometimes at women who claim that they are too, but who still assume that the man should make the first offer to pay, or the first move, or should hold a door open for them. I find it strange, inconsistent, and probably damaging to other women by reinforcing out of date gender stereotypes.