Shared equity, mortgage, kids and divorce!
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stressedoutdad
Posts: 6 Forumite
Hi.
This is my first post here and looking for some advice on my current situation.
I have been separated from my wife of 5 years for nearly a year. We have two children under the age of 5.
We live in Scotland and have a mortgage with a 15% shared equity (£36k to be paid back by October 2022) that was through the house builder. The house is in negative equity.
At the moment I am currently living with my parents again while paying half of the mortgage of the home the ex and children are living in, half of car, child maintenance calculated through gov website and half of the children's nursery fees and also half all classes they attend.
I earn roughly £30k a year and my ex works 4 days a week at a big finance firm. I have said I will not fight for the house, car etc but as long as I see my kids I will be happy.
We have both been to solicitors to start divorce proceedings and she proposes that I pay half of shared equity that's due, contribute to mortgage (even once my name is off the mortgage), pay part of the car (even after it has been transferred to her name).
What I am really asking is....... what happens if she sells the house? Do I get a share of the money that I have paid towards paying off shared equity when she sells? I don't have to pay for car etc once its in her name?
I currently would be left with £490 a month after paying for these things and wouldn't be able to afford a place of my own, all the bills and try and keep a car on the road (live in a rural area and car is only transport).
Any advice would be welcome.
Thanks
stressed out dad
This is my first post here and looking for some advice on my current situation.
I have been separated from my wife of 5 years for nearly a year. We have two children under the age of 5.
We live in Scotland and have a mortgage with a 15% shared equity (£36k to be paid back by October 2022) that was through the house builder. The house is in negative equity.
At the moment I am currently living with my parents again while paying half of the mortgage of the home the ex and children are living in, half of car, child maintenance calculated through gov website and half of the children's nursery fees and also half all classes they attend.
I earn roughly £30k a year and my ex works 4 days a week at a big finance firm. I have said I will not fight for the house, car etc but as long as I see my kids I will be happy.
We have both been to solicitors to start divorce proceedings and she proposes that I pay half of shared equity that's due, contribute to mortgage (even once my name is off the mortgage), pay part of the car (even after it has been transferred to her name).
What I am really asking is....... what happens if she sells the house? Do I get a share of the money that I have paid towards paying off shared equity when she sells? I don't have to pay for car etc once its in her name?
I currently would be left with £490 a month after paying for these things and wouldn't be able to afford a place of my own, all the bills and try and keep a car on the road (live in a rural area and car is only transport).
Any advice would be welcome.
Thanks
stressed out dad
0
Comments
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Think you're being too nice, you have a solicitor use him/her0
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what did they suggest in the hour and a half you were with them? is there no-one you could borrow some money off to speak to a solicitor again?
it is going to cost you a lot more long term if you don't seek the legal advice now,0 -
You need to get a list of your 'demands' (I am not sure what word to used here) to your wife's solicitor.
Work out what you consider to be fair, re the house / car / children and work from there.Breast Cancer Now 2022 100 miles October 100 / 100milesSun, Sea
2024 7/28 lbs to go.0 -
From my point of view (I'm probably too far the other way but it's in anger that I personally think you're being taken for a ride and society never gives a second thought at the destitute ex-husbands following divorce.)stressedoutdad wrote: »At the moment I am currently living with my parents again while paying half of the mortgage of the home the ex and children are living in
a) Why are you paying half the mortgage if you don't live there? Sell the house, and split the deficit (as I believe you said it's in negative equity) - if she doesn't want to sell, stop paying and let her deal with it. Please see point 'c' before knee jerk reaction.stressedoutdad wrote: »half of car
b) Half of a car you have no access to? Why! Stop paying for this also - she can use public transport like everyone else...stressedoutdad wrote: »child maintenance calculated through gov website
c) How has this been calculated, do you have the kids at all? People typically pay towards rent & stuff OR child maintenance, not both? Just what is the child maintenance for?stressedoutdad wrote: »half of the children's nursery fees and also half all classes they attend
d) Not to repeat the above but I also question the morality of her 'technically' having the kids full time yet in reality they're in nursery and she's working... and you're paying towards the nursery fees - all not considered for maintenance payments.
Sorry but I just don't see how it's fair to be billed for everything as if you were living there despite having to find alternative accommodation AND to boot topping it all up with child maintenance?
No wonder you don't have two pennies to rub together!Know what you don't0 -
what did they suggest in the hour and a half you were with them? is there no-one you could borrow some money off to speak to a solicitor again?
it is going to cost you a lot more long term if you don't seek the legal advice now,
Meeting was mainly to do with seeing the kids and having a set out plan for having the kids. I will have the kids every second weekend (1 weekend Friday night only and the next weekend I have them fri and sat night) She got a letter and then wanted to do this without solicitors. But she went to her solicitor and talked only about finances.
My solicitor suggested I pay half mortgage until my name is removed and pay home insurance. Child maintenance covers nursery etc but at £100 a day for 2 kids that's never enough.0 -
a) Why are you paying half the mortgage if you don't live there? Sell the house, and split the deficit (as I believe you said it's in negative equity) - if she doesn't want to sell, stop paying and let her deal with it. Please see point 'c' before knee jerk reaction.
Because its joint in our names and I am obliged to pay half until I am removed from the mortgage according to my solicitor.
b) Half of a car you have no access to? Why! Stop paying for this also - she can use public transport like everyone else...
This will be transferred over to her name (finance included)
c) How has this been calculated, do you have the kids at all? People typically pay towards rent & stuff OR child maintenance, not both? Just what is the child maintenance for?
I collect kids from nursery twice a week every week, feed, bath and get them ready for bed at their home. Every second weekend they will stay with me on a Friday night and then the next weekend I have them its Friday and Saturday night.
d) Not to repeat the above but I also question the morality of her 'technically' having the kids full time yet in reality they're in nursery and she's working... and you're paying towards the nursery fees - all not considered for maintenance payments.
Sorry but I just don't see how it's fair to be billed for everything as if you were living there despite having to find alternative accommodation AND to boot topping it all up with child maintenance?
No wonder you don't have two pennies to rub together![/QUOTE]
Thank you so much for your advice. Coming onto here is actually making me see that I am being too generous and in long term will be worse off.0 -
From my point of view (I'm probably too far the other way but it's in anger that I personally think you're being taken for a ride and society never gives a second thought at the destitute ex-husbands following divorce.)
a) Why are you paying half the mortgage if you don't live there? Sell the house, and split the deficit (as I believe you said it's in negative equity) - if she doesn't want to sell, stop paying and let her deal with it. Please see point 'c' before knee jerk reaction.
b) Half of a car you have no access to? Why! Stop paying for this also - she can use public transport like everyone else...
c) How has this been calculated, do you have the kids at all? People typically pay towards rent & stuff OR child maintenance, not both? Just what is the child maintenance for?
d) Not to repeat the above but I also question the morality of her 'technically' having the kids full time yet in reality they're in nursery and she's working... and you're paying towards the nursery fees - all not considered for maintenance payments.
Sorry but I just don't see how it's fair to be billed for everything as if you were living there despite having to find alternative accommodation AND to boot topping it all up with child maintenance?
No wonder you don't have two pennies to rub together!
Thanks. Sorry I did reply to your post. Still trying to get a hang of this.0 -
Here's what you MUST pay - Maintenance.stressedoutdad wrote: »a) Why are you paying half the mortgage if you don't live there? Sell the house, and split the deficit (as I believe you said it's in negative equity) - if she doesn't want to sell, stop paying and let her deal with it. Please see point 'c' before knee jerk reaction.
Because its joint in our names and I am obliged to pay half until I am removed from the mortgage according to my solicitor. - No you're not. Joint means you each are liable for 100%; split that how you choose
b) Half of a car you have no access to? Why! Stop paying for this also - she can use public transport like everyone else...
This will be transferred over to her name (finance included) - So why hasn't it?
c) How has this been calculated, do you have the kids at all? People typically pay towards rent & stuff OR child maintenance, not both? Just what is the child maintenance for?
I collect kids from nursery twice a week every week, feed, bath and get them ready for bed at their home. Every second weekend they will stay with me on a Friday night and then the next weekend I have them its Friday and Saturday night. - Happy with that? It sounds like she's not able to provide mid week care for them from nursery to home; why aren't you staying in the home and her moving out?
d) Not to repeat the above but I also question the morality of her 'technically' having the kids full time yet in reality they're in nursery and she's working... and you're paying towards the nursery fees - all not considered for maintenance payments.
Sorry but I just don't see how it's fair to be billed for everything as if you were living there despite having to find alternative accommodation AND to boot topping it all up with child maintenance?
No wonder you don't have two pennies to rub together!
Thank you so much for your advice. Coming onto here is actually making me see that I am being too generous and in long term will be worse off.
The rest is voluntary.0 -
My advice -
Calculate what child maintanance is due on the gov website considering your earnings and the access time (hate that phrase) you have. Consider getting a shared custody arrangement whereby you have the kids 50% of the time so you don't have to pay that anyway. If not, use the website to calculate.
If you are still paying the mortgage, consider moving back in. All advice points for men to never leave the family home anyway because it puts you in such a weak position. Anyway, that ship has sailed so I would not contribute to the mortgage anymore and force a sale if possible to split all assets before you get another 10 years down the road and your finances are tangled up even further. Sell the home, pay of the remainder and both buy somewhere new.
If you can, find the money to pay off the deficit and remove yourself from the mortgage, then stop paying it. It sounds as if your soon to be ex-wife is quite happy in said house at the moment so she's in no rush to have anything settled, especially as you are still paying for her to live.0
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