Single Dad needing advice....

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  • Oakdene
    Oakdene Posts: 2,560 Forumite
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    Blondetotty wrote: »
    Gosh I really feel for you. I had an incredibly good relationship with my Dad when I was younger too and he was cool about going out and buying my tampons or towels and I could discuss a lot with him but at the end of the day if it was female related I'd prefer mum. If she hasn't got that good a relationship I'd echo what a previous poster said and ask does she have a close relationship with any aunts etc first?

    We have an increidble relationship normally, like your Dad I go out & buy the sanitary products etc. I am an only child so she doesn't have any Aunts on my side (actually my ex wife only has a bother) so she doesn't have any Aunts.
    Blondetotty wrote: »
    If not, have you thought about maybe taking her shopping, hitting all the usual teenage shops and having a fun day out and also gently steering her into Debenhams or M&S and getting her measured during that trip? If it's part of a day out with her Dad maybe it wouldn't be as mortifying as a direct mission to get her measured and fitted. I know if my Dad had taken me straight to get measured up I'd have died but on one of those days out with him and knowing I'd be headed to BK afterwards it wouldn't have been such a bother. Kinda bribery and distraction but I know it would have worked for me!

    This could be a good idea, we tend to do shopping & days out when my son is with us so it's kind of not easy to do then... Perhaps this could be done after school one evening & then we go for a bit of food as you suggest.

    Blondetotty wrote: »
    It could also be more than just simply bra sizing. A friends teenage daughter is now living as her son (fortunately he has very accepting parents) so just be aware it might be more than simply developing quicker than her friends. I've no idea how you'd start this conversation though. My friends, now son, just came out with it one day out of the blue after having had a girlie day out with his mum. I'm still finding it difficult to remember to say he, not she so imagine how difficult it was for him to bring it up with his parents.
    Good luck

    This is something I spent a lot of time thinking about last night as I tossed & turned & could be possibly something I could speak to the school about in a delicate kind of way. I did even go to the extreme & wonder whether she was trying to be more of a boy to fit in with her Mum... When I dropped my son off at his Mum's she gave him a big hug & kiss & didn'f offer anything to my daughter.
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.
  • standyby
    standyby Posts: 3 Newbie
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    As a transguy I know a thing or two about breast binding - although I'm in no way implying your child might be transgender, their reason for wanting to bind sounds completely valid to me. Can I suggest though that you arm yourself with information by googling 'FTM safe binding', using bandages isn't safe and can cause injury.

    Sports bras give the appearance of a flatter chest than regular bras will and there are also minimiser bras. As others have said, getting measured and wearing the correct size will help, stores like M&S have someone who can measure and advise.

    I should also mention that there are specially designed chest binders available, but these aren't cheap and probably not necessary in this case, however reputable companies would be Underworks, GC2B and Spectrum Outfitters.
  • standyby
    standyby Posts: 3 Newbie
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    Oakdene wrote: »
    This is something I spent a lot of time thinking about last night as I tossed & turned & could be possibly something I could speak to the school about in a delicate kind of way. I did even go to the extreme & wonder whether she was trying to be more of a boy to fit in with her Mum... When I dropped my son off at his Mum's she gave him a big hug & kiss & didn'f offer anything to my daughter.

    Feel free to message me if you want, but general advice would be that this is something they should be allowed space to work out in their own time. The best thing you could do is to speak positively about LGBT people and issues around them so they know you are aware and accepting. And assurance that you love and support them in any circumstances, is never a bad thing for a child to hear.
  • Oakdene
    Oakdene Posts: 2,560 Forumite
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    standyby wrote: »
    Feel free to message me if you want, but general advice would be that this is something they should be allowed space to work out in their own time. The best thing you could do is to speak positively about LGBT people and issues around them so they know you are aware and accepting. And assurance that you love and support them in any circumstances, is never a bad thing for a child to hear.

    Thank you for the offer, I am (or I would like to think I am) very laid back as a person & I do have a fair few friends who are LGBT so there is no issue there for me.

    I did ask my daughter if she felt more attracted to girls than boys & whilst she said no I wasn't 100% convinced however I did reassure her that I didn't care who she felt attracted to as long as she was happy.
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.
  • lika_86
    lika_86 Posts: 1,772 Forumite
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    Is it possible that she is being picked on by boys over it? At that age I remember immature boys picking up on the first girls to wear proper bras and twanging (or worse) trying to undo bra straps.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,094 Community Admin
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    so we sat & spoke for a while & I tried to probe by asking different questions but the only thing she said was it was because she feels more developed than her friends.

    Is she more developed than her friends? I'm just wondering if she is exploring her sexuality and using that as an excuse?

    Either way, this is something she needs to do by herself.
  • Oakdene
    Oakdene Posts: 2,560 Forumite
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    lika_86 wrote: »
    Is it possible that she is being picked on by boys over it? At that age I remember immature boys picking up on the first girls to wear proper bras and twanging (or worse) trying to undo bra straps.

    I didn't ask this (must admit I didn't think of this specifically) but I did ask if there was any bullying & she said there wasn't though I will ask her if there is an issue with twanging or people trying to undo...
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.
  • Gavin83
    Gavin83 Posts: 8,751 Forumite
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    Blondetotty wrote: »
    It could also be more than just simply bra sizing. A friends teenage daughter is now living as her son (fortunately he has very accepting parents) so just be aware it might be more than simply developing quicker than her friends. I've no idea how you'd start this conversation though. My friends, now son, just came out with it one day out of the blue after having had a girlie day out with his mum. I'm still finding it difficult to remember to say he, not she so imagine how difficult it was for him to bring it up with his parents.

    I have to be honest this was my first thought too, maybe because like you I know someone this has happened to recently.

    Does she make any other attempts to look more 'boyish' such as in what she chooses to wear?

    If this is the case I don't think there is anything else you can do. She'll discuss it when shes ready, all you can really do is be there, listen and make it clear it won't be a problem.
  • Oakdene
    Oakdene Posts: 2,560 Forumite
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    Judi wrote: »
    Is she more developed than her friends? I'm just wondering if she is exploring her sexuality and using that as an excuse?

    Either way, this is something she needs to do by herself.

    I would say, when I've seen her normal circle of friends, that she is more developed than her friends but as you say she may well be exploring her sexuality which is something I have no issue with at all.
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.
  • Oakdene
    Oakdene Posts: 2,560 Forumite
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    Gavin83 wrote: »
    I have to be honest this was my first thought too, maybe because like you I know someone this has happened to recently.

    Does she make any other attempts to look more 'boyish' such as in what she chooses to wear?

    If this is the case I don't think there is anything else you can do. She'll discuss it when shes ready, all you can really do is be there, listen and make it clear it won't be a problem.

    She dressed in shorts/jeans/leggings with normal girls tops. She isn't a girly girl in the sense of she plies her face with makeup...
    Dwy galon, un dyhead,
    Dwy dafod ond un iaith,
    Dwy raff yn cydio’n ddolen,
    Dau enaid ond un taith.
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