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Relationship/financial inequality/house ownership
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Perhaps it would be easier to comment if we knew why yiur fianc! was heavily in debt prior to yiur living together. Was it because of university education or something similar or because he is poor at money management or gambling, etc which could be a habit that crops up again in the future? That might help decide how trusting you are about how you move forward.
I would be tempted to keep everything in your own name until all his debts are paid off, even if that means remortgaging in your own name. That would protect you if there were any sudden default on his debts.
And I certainly wouldnt get married until his debts were cleared either. He may (with a certain amount of right on his side I admit) feel wronged by such an action if he's a decent chap but that is the reality of the case and his best way of getting to the point where you put everything in
joint names is when is his financial slate is wiped clean. Then you can start from base camp both having the same financial status, get married and put the mortgage in joint names.
Yiu have already contributed heavily to the house purchase. This is the reality. He is still deeply in debt. This is also the reality. I think he needs to accept the fact, unpleasant though it feels if he trusts you to do the right thing when the time comes.
In any case, he,s living rent free while he gets an accelerated chance to pay off his debts. This is still a win for him so he shouldn't feel too aggrieved even if his pride is hurt.0 -
Well I don't really want to post any emotional responses at his stage but would like to say that I don't think he's money-grabbing etc etc. He is a 'what's mine is yours' person and does not quibble about being generous to others himself.
I realise I have neglected to mention that his grandfather gifted him £5000 to buy furniture with for us and that has been really helpful to us so it's not all this one-way street.
I don't want o knock your fianc! but truthfully considering what he's bringing to the party (debt) and what you're bringing (thousands of pounds of savings/gifts from family) then it's easy to have that attitude.
This should all work out in the longer term when perhaps you'll have time off work to have children and he'll have to pay a greater share of family expenses but, at he moment, I'd be cautious.
Incidentally, does your father/grandfather have a view? I know if I gave my children a large amount of money I's want them to act responsibly with it.0 -
Traditionally, finances were merged at marriage and not before - I agree with the posters above that your grandfather might not like you giving away half his gift before this (and might be prompted to say this if you think it would be easier to have him to blame). I think I also agree - marriage does still mean something.But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,Had the whole of their cash in his care.
Lewis Carroll0 -
Well I don't really want to post any emotional responses at his stage but would like to say that I don't think he's money-grabbing etc etc. He is a 'what's mine is yours' person and does not quibble about being generous to others himself.
I realise I have neglected to mention that his grandfather gifted him £5000 to buy furniture with for us and that has been really helpful to us so it's not all this one-way street.
£5000 isn't a lot of money. He's a 'what mine is yours' but if you ever separate, that'll change. I wouldn't be getting married to be honest, and I certainly wouldn't be remortgaging in both names.0 -
As soon as you're married, he'll be entitled to 50%. If you are happy, I'd do nothing as when you get married you'll undo all of this anyway. Pre-nups don't work in the UK btw.0
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andydownes123 wrote: »As soon as you're married, he'll be entitled to 50%. If you are happy, I'd do nothing as when you get married you'll undo all of this anyway. Pre-nups don't work in the UK btw.
Are you sure on that ?
I was always under the impression that if the marriage proved to be a short one (under 5 years?) then the starting point was where they were before the marriage.0 -
If it was me I'd wait until he became debt free, then take out the house the equity you have put in and then you are both starting from scratch with an equal contribution.
It is so hard as adults with differing finances as one party puts in more and then has to deal with the guilt of the other party saying , you don't trust me, its not fair I want / need 50& or we aren't equal, but the sad reality is no matter how close you are now relationships do change over time and if you ever split up could you stomach losing your capital to someone who hasn't contributed as much.
Whether he likes it or not his debt is a valid discussion because it illustrates he isn't good with money and if that can't be resolved I'm not sure I'd tie my finances up with someone like that.
Good luck its never easy but the only person who Is going to protect you is really only you.0 -
gettingtheresometime wrote: »Are you sure on that ?
I was always under the impression that if the marriage proved to be a short one (under 5 years?) then the starting point was where they were before the marriage.
My impression is that in most cases the case starts from 50/50.0 -
gettingtheresometime wrote: »Are you sure on that ?
I was always under the impression that if the marriage proved to be a short one (under 5 years?) then the starting point was where they were before the marriage.
You are right, other poster is wrong.
Judges can take into account time spent cohabiting or if there are children, but a short marriage the starting point is to return them to their previous positions.0 -
onwards&upwards wrote: »You are right, other poster is wrong.
Judges can take into account time spent cohabiting or if there are children, but a short marriage the starting point is to return them to their previous positions.
Knowing what I know and seeing others go through the process, I just wouldn't bank on returning to the starting point. A lot of the above hinges on good solicitors and a judge ina good mood!0
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