Off work sick & afraid to go back

Comms69 · 11 February 2019 at 3:10PM

Slek247 wrote: »

Hey nicechap,

As described to Comms69, I’ve not done anything wrong and would be the first to admit if I have. I went to HR because I was advised to by another LM in the department and because the bullying was random - I didn’t give any reason to be treated the way I was/am currently treated.

In terms of the social activities, I should have clarified but these are during working hours. For eg I’m left on my own during breaks & lunches. I can get on with my day no bother on my own but the feeling of exclusion comes from my LM inviting all of the other girls from the department to breaks/lunches except me, I’m the only one who isn’t asked but I’ve not done anything wrong for this to happen.

Thanks for your advice.

Can I ask you how old you are?

At the minute I'm guessing early to mid twenties

Slek247 · 11 February 2019 at 3:14PM

Hey nicechap,

I’m 23

nicechap · 11 February 2019 at 3:15PM

Slek247 wrote: »

Hey nicechap,

As described to Comms69, I’ve not done anything wrong and would be the first to admit if I have. I went to HR because I was advised to by another LM in the department and because the bullying was random - I didn’t give any reason to be treated the way I was/am currently treated.

In terms of the social activities, I should have clarified but these are during working hours. For eg I’m left on my own during breaks & lunches. I can get on with my day no bother on my own but the feeling of exclusion comes from my LM inviting all of the other girls from the department to breaks/lunches except me, I’m the only one who isn’t asked but I’ve not done anything wrong for this to happen.

Thanks for your advice.

From their perspective you've done lots wrong. Raised a grievance that wasn't upheld (so possibly vexatious), and refused to sign a mediation agreement (making you seem like a prima donna) and moaning about not being socialised with - there's no obligation for others to socialise with you, at work or outside.

Everyone so far has advised you to get a new job - no one so far has suggested to stay and fight (which will in all liklihood make you feel worse). Ultimately its your choice.

I'm out.

Comms69 · 11 February 2019 at 3:18PM

Slek247 wrote: »

Hey nicechap,

I’m 23

I thought as much. Trust me, in 5 years time you'll be glad to have been excluded.

These things may seem important now, but I guarantee you the lunches are not worth it. These people aren't worth it.

You don't want to be friends with them.

Unfortunately as a young person, you're ingrained with a desire to be liked by everyone. So when rejected you take it as a personal slight.

Instead thank your stars you can avoid office politics and have 30 minutes peace.

MovingForwards · 11 February 2019 at 3:20PM

You have reached the point where you need to make a decision - stay or go.

You are doing the right thing applying for jobs, they are not always the quickest in responding, if at all.

What is your next move? Can you build up a bit of cash and then temp while looking for a new role? Can you revamp your CV? Go for fixed term contract roles?

If you want to stay then you will need to try and build bridges.

Slek247 · 11 February 2019 at 3:23PM

Hey nicechap,

I appealed the outcome of the grievance (mediation) which the cab advised I had every right to do. And they didn’t uphold my appeal, so of course I refused to sign the document. Why should I agree to work with someone on a daily basis who treats me like the way I’ve been treated for the past year? I wasn’t a drama queen about it at all, I think anyone in my position would do the same thing. I’m also unsure what relevance my age has to this.

And I haven’t moaned about not being socialised with, I’ve just raised how I felt secluded because of how all other people in the dpt are asked on a daily basis and I’m the only one not asked - I don’t think it’s unreasonable to raise this at all.

All in all, thank you for your input.

I have been looking for other jobs for the past 12 months, I’m just looking for some reassurance and advice on what to do about having to go back and face this all again after being off sick but thank you again.

trailingspouse · 11 February 2019 at 3:25PM

I totally sympathise with the feeling of being excluded. I was in a team of three many years ago - age wise we were all different - young, middle (me) and older, but the other two seemed to be joined at the hip. Whenever I walked into the room they would stop talking, my cheery 'Morning!'s were met with total silence, nothing I said found favour (even if I was in fact agreeing with them!!), and they would make 'team' decisions without bothering to tell me let alone discuss them with me. All very difficult, and not something I'd suffered before - and I've not had it since either.

My only choice seemed to just be to keep my head down, do my job, try very hard to not let it get to me, and move on from there as quickly as I could.

Slek247 · 11 February 2019 at 3:26PM

Thank you Comms69, I really appreciate you taking your time to respond.

Comms69 · 11 February 2019 at 3:34PM

Slek247 wrote: »

Thank you Comms69, I really appreciate you taking your time to respond.

No problem.

This is what you need to do:

1: join a union. HR are there to protect your employer FROM you.
2: Go in, do the job, leave.
3: Keep your head down for 2-3 months and then find a new employer. Your reference will atleast be ok - at the minute it would be very easy to give a reference which would, in effect, make you unemployable.

Slek247 · 11 February 2019 at 3:36PM

Thanks so much trailingspouse.

I’m sorry to hear you went through that; it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one this has happened to.

I’ve applied for jobs the past 2 weeks I’ve been unwell & also the past 12 months. I feel stuck in a rut. I’ve been applying for anything and everything but not hearing back. It’s very frustrating.

Off work sick & afraid to go back

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free