Off work sick & afraid to go back

Slek247

Thank you. I’ve been onto the Samaritans and they advised the same thing about joining a union.

My current employer doesn’t have a union as they have their own forum. Unfortunately the head of that forum is my current LM and all issues need to raised through her.

Is it possible for me to join a union even though my current employer doesn’t have one? Sorry if this is a stupid question.

Comms69

Slek247 wrote: »

Thank you. I’ve been onto the Samaritans and they advised the same thing about joining a union.

My current employer doesn’t have a union as they have their own forum. Unfortunately the head of that forum is my current LM and all issues need to raised through her.

Is it possible for me to join a union even though my current employer doesn’t have one? Sorry if this is a stupid question.

Yes, it is. Employers do not have unions ( except for the unions themselves )

Dean000000

Comms69 wrote: »

I thought as much. Trust me, in 5 years time you'll be glad to have been excluded.


These things may seem important now, but I guarantee you the lunches are not worth it. These people aren't worth it.


You don't want to be friends with them.


Unfortunately as a young person, you're ingrained with a desire to be liked by everyone. So when rejected you take it as a personal slight.


Instead thank your stars you can avoid office politics and have 30 minutes peace.

has genuinely hit the nail on the head with that one....


sorry you feel that way though...

TELLIT01

You are either going to have to go back or resign, as you realise. Assuming you need the money, resigning isn't an option until you have another job. When you go back just keep your head down, do your job, and when you leave in the evening leave everything to do with the job behind as well. Avoid office politics at all costs, if people try to drag you into them just stay back.
All very easy to say, and far from easy to do, but that's the most effective way to get through the situation. You line manager unfortunately holds all the cards in this situation.
I have doubts as to how much use a union would be if you joined at this stage. Most won't get involved with situations which started before becoming a member.

TBagpuss

I am not as sure as some of the other commentators that what is happening ism't bullying. There is no right to be socialised with, but if the line manager is inviting everyone else and excluding Slek then they are certainly a poor manager, and given their role it may amount to bullying. Similarly throwing something like keys is not appropriate!

the problem is that unless there are witnesses who are willing to back you up, this may come down to your word against the LM's.

That said, I think the best option for you is to try to find another job.

It might be possible for you to speak again to your LM's manager to explain that while things improved slightly after the previous process, they have deteriorated again. You can if you wish explain that you were concerned about the previous grievance as you felt that the underlying issue wasn't really addressed and has recurred.

in looking for a new job, while I understand there temptation to apply for everything and anything, do make sure that you are tailoring your application for the specific job you are applying for - a smaller number of well prepared applications for jobs you are a strong candidate for may get you better results than a large number of more generic applications.

It may also be worth speaking to your GP, and possibly also making yourself sign up for a regular exercise class, or evening class , or social club - something you need to commit to doing every week so you have something positive away from the office, to help you to have a break from thinking about it / worrying about it. It 's not easy to do as being stressed is exhausting, but it can be very effective as a distraction technique! depending what you chose, it can also mean that you are meeting and spending time with new people, away from work so you don't feel as isolated.

Comms69

TELLIT01 wrote: »

You are either going to have to go back or resign, as you realise. Assuming you need the money, resigning isn't an option until you have another job. When you go back just keep your head down, do your job, and when you leave in the evening leave everything to do with the job behind as well. Avoid office politics at all costs, if people try to drag you into them just stay back.
All very easy to say, and far from easy to do, but that's the most effective way to get through the situation. You line manager unfortunately holds all the cards in this situation.
I have doubts as to how much use a union would be if you joined at this stage. Most won't get involved with situations which started before becoming a member.

Yes it was for suture problems, in general.


They wont assist with this as there is almost nothing actionable anyway

Butterfliesarepretty

Slek247 wrote: »

Hey nicechap,

I’m 23

Hi Slek247 Im 51 and have worked a long time. My advice go with a temp agency for the time being until you have gained enough confidence to take on a new job.

I have always worked fulltime and I worked 17 years at BT, best time of my life at BT and 4 Years at the CSA who were bullies (managers were that is). After leaving there I got a job and lasted a month, the lady training me did not like me (made my life difficult there). I still had a mortgage to pay so started applying again.
Now in 2016 I got a job as purchase ledger clerk at a firm in Bolton, it was mad busy, the work load was tremendous and even though I thought I was doing ok, I didnt realise at the time it was taking its toll mentally. Myself and my husband were looking to move and buy a house outright after paying off my mortgage. One day I drove into the car park at work and started going cold and shaking and sweating and could not get out of the car. Turns out I was having a panic/anxiety attack and I have never ever had one of these. Ive always been a strong person.

I ended up being off sick from June to August and after a few visits to the office and talks they were not going to help me with my workload, so I resigned. I was also getting counselling to deal with my total loss of confidence to get me back to work.
They were totally rude and wrote a letter saying how disappointed they were with me.

In september and still feeling scared and unsure and not in a role, we had a date for moving house and my husband suggested I do temping but part time to help myself. I secured a 12 month role in a college temping in finance 5 hours a day five days a week. Loved it. Then after that kept applying for temping jobs hoping to lead to permanent. I had three temp jobs after that that I enjoyed and now finally I have been in a lovely firm in finance ledger working 3 full days a week part time in nearby town.

I am back to me because I believed I could cope with life again.
So my advice is get other people to look at your cv. Apply to temp agencies and keep applying as much as you can each day, I promise you will get something soon.

Dont go back to work, try and get some free counselling to improve your mood and do something relaxing to calm you.

Slek247

Butterfliesarepretty wrote: »

Hi Slek247 Im 51 and have worked a long time. My advice go with a temp agency for the time being until you have gained enough confidence to take on a new job.

I have always worked fulltime and I worked 17 years at BT, best time of my life at BT and 4 Years at the CSA who were bullies (managers were that is). After leaving there I got a job and lasted a month, the lady training me did not like me (made my life difficult there). I still had a mortgage to pay so started applying again.
Now in 2016 I got a job as purchase ledger clerk at a firm in Bolton, it was mad busy, the work load was tremendous and even though I thought I was doing ok, I didnt realise at the time it was taking its toll mentally. Myself and my husband were looking to move and buy a house outright after paying off my mortgage. One day I drove into the car park at work and started going cold and shaking and sweating and could not get out of the car. Turns out I was having a panic/anxiety attack and I have never ever had one of these. Ive always been a strong person.

I ended up being off sick from June to August and after a few visits to the office and talks they were not going to help me with my workload, so I resigned. I was also getting counselling to deal with my total loss of confidence to get me back to work.
They were totally rude and wrote a letter saying how disappointed they were with me.

In september and still feeling scared and unsure and not in a role, we had a date for moving house and my husband suggested I do temping but part time to help myself. I secured a 12 month role in a college temping in finance 5 hours a day five days a week. Loved it. Then after that kept applying for temping jobs hoping to lead to permanent. I had three temp jobs after that that I enjoyed and now finally I have been in a lovely firm in finance ledger working 3 full days a week part time in nearby town.

I am back to me because I believed I could cope with life again.
So my advice is get other people to look at your cv. Apply to temp agencies and keep applying as much as you can each day, I promise you will get something soon.

Dont go back to work, try and get some free counselling to improve your mood and do something relaxing to calm you.

Thank you so much for this. I'm really sorry you had to go through all of that. I am thinking temping is the way forward until I get something permanent along the way. When going for temp interviews; what's your advice when they ask me why I'm looking to leave my current perm job?

Thank you again x

Slek247

TBagpuss wrote: »

I am not as sure as some of the other commentators that what is happening ism't bullying. There is no right to be socialised with, but if the line manager is inviting everyone else and excluding Slek then they are certainly a poor manager, and given their role it may amount to bullying. Similarly throwing something like keys is not appropriate!

the problem is that unless there are witnesses who are willing to back you up, this may come down to your word against the LM's. I had 5 witnesses, all of whom had witnessed an instance of bullying/mistreatment. I was allowed to read the witness statements (as this facilitated my appeal), but none of this seemed to matter. I was and still am so frustrated. The witness accounts basically didn't count for anything. HR were able to come up with excuses for them all

That said, I think the best option for you is to try to find another job.

It might be possible for you to speak again to your LM's manager to explain that while things improved slightly after the previous process, they have deteriorated again. You can if you wish explain that you were concerned about the previous grievance as you felt that the underlying issue wasn't really addressed and has recurred.The LM's manager happens to be the director of the company who has brushed my problems under the carpet before, people have advised me that it's not in his agenda i.e. he has other things to worry about

in looking for a new job, while I understand there temptation to apply for everything and anything, do make sure that you are tailoring your application for the specific job you are applying for - a smaller number of well prepared applications for jobs you are a strong candidate for may get you better results than a large number of more generic applications.

It may also be worth speaking to your GP, and possibly also making yourself sign up for a regular exercise class, or evening class , or social club - something you need to commit to doing every week so you have something positive away from the office, to help you to have a break from thinking about it / worrying about it. It 's not easy to do as being stressed is exhausting, but it can be very effective as a distraction technique! depending what you chose, it can also mean that you are meeting and spending time with new people, away from work so you don't feel as isolated.

Thanks so much for this. I agree about the class thing, but I have a degree which I'm also studying in the evenings so I don't want to put myself under anymore pressure. You've been a fab help, thank you. I'm working on editing my CV at the min in the hope it'll at least get me a phone interview.

DCFC79

As for the question about "Why are you wanting to leave your current permanent position ? "


You want something more flexible


More answers will get posted.