Not sure where to post this: re kinship care

teabag29 · 6 January 2019 at 4:28PM

Hi there I’m looking for advice, my situation is as follows;
I have a partner and 3 children at home. Both my partner and I are on pip, him for learning problems and I have MS. Our son is also on Dla as he has development delay. Both my partner and I have had to give up work over the last few years, he claims carers for me as he helps me with my physical problems and I claim carers for my son (I provide more learning care and calm his meltdowns, my partner does more the physical side). We are also claiming universal credit.

The dilemma: my eldest daughter has mental health issues and has recently had a child (almost 4 months ago). She is unable to look after him and has placed him voluntarily in local Authority care under a section 20. The social worker has kept him living with us under a section 20 agreement (he’s lived here since birth but daughter has now moved out to focus on getting the help she needs) atleast until the final hearing in 6 months but possibly long term under a guardianship depending on our wishes (I’m a little reluctant as I don’t know how my ms will progress and scared incase it progresses 5 years down the line and then I can’t give him the life he deserves).

I love having my grandson here he’s a pleasure to look after but I’m finding I’m spending a small fortune that I don’t have especially now I’ve lost around £800 a month being out on universal credit.

He’s now outgrown his clothes and needs the next size up and his bouncer chair is dangerously too small. He needs a cot and soon a high chair as well as nappies milk etc.

I asked the social worker if we can get any financial help and she said once assessments are completed and I sign a consent form I’ll be given an allowance.
The problem is it’s been 3 weeks already and she’s only just filled out the first assessment form for the kinship team, she said she now hands that to them to look into and if accepted I’ll need a home assessment too (but she’s confident of him staying here it’s just the procedure that they have to do).

What do I I do financially in the meantime? I feel awkward asking the social worker again but little man is going to need things very shortly and I’m already feeling the pinch, he gets through 2 tubs of milk a week and numerous nappies creams bathing products etc

Am I able to claim child benefit or add him to our universal credit claim? or do I have to just wait for months until all these assessments are done so I can get the allowance from the social worker?

Sorry if wrong forum wasn’t sure where to put it

determined_new_ms · 6 January 2019 at 5:07PM

you should contact grandparents plus for advice. Ripley & Hall are a family law solicitors that specialise in kinship care cases. They will often give you a free telephone consultation

SS will try to hang you out to dry. It's a sad that that kinship carers do not get the support their kin children deserve often unless it's fought for. The outcomes for children in kinship care are much better than those in mainstream foster care but unless you have a water tight agreement at court they do not get access to the support to make their lives better.

Get some specialist advice

pollyanna_26 · 6 January 2019 at 5:32PM

I know very little about kinship care but would think until all is signed and sealed you will not be able to access any form of benefits for the child.

The poster above me seems to have more idea on what to do

If you or your husband have support or social workers due to your own ill health it could be worth seeing if they could help with a referral to a food bank or better still a baby bank in your area. The former have baby food and the latter also have clothing . equipment and all the bits and bobs babies need . Your GP could also refer as this will be impacting on your health .

I know of at least one Kinship carer on this board but there will be others on the forums . I'm afraid anything involving SS and other agencies tends to be a long slow process .

TBH It sounds as though you have more than enough to cope with already so I wish you luck .
polly

kingfisherblue · 6 January 2019 at 5:42PM

I can't help wityh the benefits side of things, but have you tried Freecycle or local Facebook freebie groups for the high chair, cot, etc? There are always baby items, including clothing, on our local sites (more on FB than on Freecycle). It would save you some money.

Jemima_FuddleCup · 6 January 2019 at 5:55PM

How old is the eldest daughter? Is she still a child/dependent herself?

teabag29 · 6 January 2019 at 6:23PM

Eldest daughter is 20 but mentally a lot younger with many different diagnosis. She is on high rate pip for her mental health but she won’t help me, she’s very angry with me right now as I’m able to look after her child and she isn’t (although it’s on a voluntary agreement they’ve made it clear if she tries to take him they’ll put an emergency order on to remove him from her so she didn’t have much choice).

theoretica · 6 January 2019 at 7:08PM

This page says that child benefit can be claimed by whoever the child is living with, but not if a fostering allowance is being paid.

https://www.grandparentsplus.org.uk/benefits-for-children
And it can be backdated for up to 3 months https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit/how-to-claim

determined_new_ms · 6 January 2019 at 7:36PM

teabag29 wrote: »

Eldest daughter is 20 but mentally a lot younger with many different diagnosis. She is on high rate pip for her mental health but she won’t help me, she’s very angry with me right now as I’m able to look after her child and she isn’t (although it’s on a voluntary agreement they’ve made it clear if she tries to take him they’ll put an emergency order on to remove him from her so she didn’t have much choice).

the situation will be so raw and painful for you all right now. I am a kinship carer and at the start there was so much hurt and anger. For a lot of people they aren't able to work with the birth parents and heal as a family. I felt incredibly angry that my daughter was letting her lo down, not turning up to contact, not helping financially (we weren't able to get child benefit until the court process as the birth parent has to give up the benefits in order for you to make a claim. This drove me insane with anger and on top of it all we were struggling with finances as suddenly we had to pay £1k a month in childcare costs)

However we were able to work through the difficulties and we are in a good place, contact is regular, we are all sensitive to the fact that this is a painful situation for everyone. But it really does take time

determined_new_ms · 6 January 2019 at 7:39PM

theoretica wrote: »

This page says that child benefit can be claimed by whoever the child is living with, but not if a fostering allowance is being paid.

https://www.grandparentsplus.org.uk/benefits-for-children
And it can be backdated for up to 3 months

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit/how-to-claim

it can't be backdated if a parent is already claiming it. In the end we got the SW to write a letter stating she had lived with us since (date) after that it was processed within a week or so but the months she had been living with us but my dd had been receiving it we didn't. It was still being paid just not being used for it's intended purpose. They won't pay for the one child twice

teabag29 · 6 January 2019 at 7:46PM

determined_new_ms wrote: »

the situation will be so raw and painful for you all right now. I am a kinship carer and at the start there was so much hurt and anger. For a lot of people they aren't able to work with the birth parents and heal as a family. I felt incredibly angry that my daughter was letting her lo down, not turning up to contact, not helping financially (we weren't able to get child benefit until the court process as the birth parent has to give up the benefits in order for you to make a claim. This drove me insane with anger and on top of it all we were struggling with finances as suddenly we had to pay £1k a month in childcare costs)

However we were able to work through the difficulties and we are in a good place, contact is regular, we are all sensitive to the fact that this is a painful situation for everyone. But it really does take time

I can relate to so much of that. Daughter is still claiming CB but not spending it on the baby which obviously angers me and she’s cancelling contact left right and centre.

determined_new_ms · 6 January 2019 at 7:53PM

teabag29 wrote: »

I can relate to so much of that. Daughter is still claiming CB but not spending it on the baby which obviously angers me and she’s cancelling contact left right and centre.

My daughter can be very honest and insightful at times, and there would be moments where she would say it wasn't because she didn't care, or didn't think about her dd, but that it was too painful to end contact. To walk away knowing her dd was staying with us. It was painful for her to see us being the child's parents and her child living the life she wanted (to be back with her mum). It helped me to have some compassion for her to know this. However really firm boundaries need to be in place. I got to the point where I would wait for 15 minutes at arranged contact point and if she didn't turn up I would leave and then she would have to wait until the next session. It all took such a lot of give and take, anger expressed unhealthily until we were able to get to a place where we could talk about conflict in a healthy way. 4 1/2 years down the line things are so much better

Not sure where to post this: re kinship care

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