Not sure where to post this: re kinship care

thorsoak

I do not wish to hi-jack Teabag's thread, however I would like to address Chooser's comments upon Teabag's life choices/benefits.

Chooser - lives can change in 30 minutes - and that 30 minutes can impact even 30 years forward. 30 years ago yesterday, I had a lovely life...devoted OH, who was a lecturer at a university, I had a lovely job, we were converting two old (mortgage free) cottages into a comfortable home large enough for our four children, aged 4 to 14, no money worries - paying for the work on the cottages each month from our good salaries. We looked forward to a comfortable life in the future.

30 years ago today, my OH was involved in a relatively minor accident - however he suddenly collapsed as he was helping the other person involved and actually "died" for five minutes. That five minutes left him with brain damage, and his life - and the lives of the rest of the family changed forever.

Yes, we got him back - but six months later, when he eventually got home to us, life was turned on its head. After a year, no nice salary cheques, work on the house had to stop. Another year later, OH was granted disability allowance - but nowhere near his salary level of course. Fortunately, my salary was high enough to get a mortgage, but life was never again as we had envisaged it. I considered that the extra 20 years we had together such a bonus even though I sometimes complained that I had only ever wanted four children, noth the fifth one that he sometimes became!


Life can change in a heartbeat so please do not judge others by your life.

ThinkPink

I would definitely look on Facebook marketplace and places like sphock and eBay for cheap bundles of clothes and other bits for the little one. I sell bundles on there and find I don't actually get much for what is in each bundle- you can definitely get a lot for your money.

What about speaking with CAB, just wondered if they be able to help and recommend some charities etc that may be able to help you.

Nicki

I think you are doing a tremendous thing Teabag at great personal cost.

Have you tried speaking to the baby’s Health Visitor and enquiring at local Children’s Centres? Both might know of local resources which could be available to you

babyblade41

What about the father of this child, is there no financial support coming from him at all ??

Just having a glance over your previous history then I am not sure considering your daughters problems how the new born would not have been on the at risk register ..I suppose different areas would have different guidelines.

It seems that there are multiple complex issues going on within the house which I m surprised that SS are happy to leave the child within.

I am coming from a purely un emotional side and in no way am I being detrimental

You state you now have a loss of 800.00 in payments down to being switched to UC and there does appear to be people within the family claiming carers allowance when they themselves need care which makes me wonder it's some of those benefits have been removed

You will get the CB but that will take time to filter through, I know when my Grand son went to live with his Dad and step Mum it took months and with 3 other children in the HH it was a struggle but they muddled through

None of the financial problems will be quick to come to fruition and depending on your SW would have gone through the process .

You also have to think of the long term best future for the child(again taking emotion out of the equation)
If as you say your MS progresses quickly then how on earth are you going to take care of another little one when there are only benefits to rely on and very limited practice care .

All supposition from my part but main concern is the long term welfare the child and as for his mother then she must deal with whatever demons she has to deal with and set proper boundaries at all times

Just a practical solution , charity shops, free cycle

teabag29

The baby was on child protection, they gave her a chance with it on the condition she moved back to my house for me to supervise and help her, unfortunately she couldn’t manage in most areas and I had to be honest with the social worker for my grandsons sake. They have left him in my care until the final hearing, the SW wants me to have him long term but as you have mentioned I’m worried about the life I can give him. My half sister who is in a better position in life has put forward to be assessed (my dd doesn’t know this yet) if this works out it means he will have a better life and I’ll still be able to be part of it. The child’s father blocked my DD after he found out she was pregnant, he was self employed earning very little, he wants nothing to do with baby.

As for the carers side in my household I look after my sons learning needs and meltdowns that side of things and my partner looks after the physical side of things both with my son and myself (eg carrying shopping, lifting son out of bath).

I have left a message with the health visitor to contact me and I’ve been looking on eBay (thanks for that suggestion some good bundles on there at reasonable prices). Dd has said she will ring Child benefits this week to end her claim, not sure if that will make a difference or not. I’ve opened up a junior ISA for little man and set up 5 pound a week to go in its all I can manage but it all adds up.

What is a baby bank and who would I get in touch with to be referred to one of these? Thanks for all the advice ladies very much appreciated

Mojisola

On the practical side of things, if you have a HomeStart group near you, it would be worth contacting them.

With all the problems you are dealing with, any extra help will make life easier.

https://www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start

Nicki

You are very gracious and tolerant Teabag

This is clearly a very difficult and sensitive time - the baby is only a few months old so this must all be very raw and upsetting. I’m not sure I’d cope as well as you have with people trawling through your previous posting history to offer their two pennorth on your entire situation rather than confining themselves to answering the very straightforward question you asked in your first post.

It’s amazing really when you think about it, that SW need degrees and these situations take so long to resolve with so many professionals involved at every stage of the way when any old Tom !!!! or Harry can come up with all the answers in a few seconds flat without meeting or speaking to anyone involved and deliver their judgment in the bluntest terms possible...

unforeseen

Wouldn't CB be ruled out on the grounds that OP appears to already be claiming for 3 children.

sheramber

Special circumstances
https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claiming-benefits-for-2-or-more-children#special-circumstances

Savvy_Sue

Google baby bank plus your area / city / town / county and see what comes up - widen if necessary! Quite a few come up when I do it without an area.