Psychologically damaged?

flatulantyounggoat · 7 July 2018 at 1:43PM

I think I need to an outside opinion on how the hell I can face up to a pretty outright embarrassing issue that I literally have no idea how to address. It's wrecking my career and scuttling jobs....

To keep this condensed, I work in a high tech industry. Full of smart, educated people and I'm supposed to be one of them. However, I often appear anything but. In fact, I can seem down right stupid. Normally the trigger of this is when I'm verbally asked to do something by a superior, think bosses execs, MD's, high end colleague etc. When being asked to do even very simple things in my technical niche directly by these individuals, I tend to just lock up. I simply cannot absorb the words they're telling me, it's as if they're talking in a foreign language. The harder I try, the worse it is. My short term memory / ability to retain goes to pot. The down ward spiral is that the worse it gets, I appear more and more mentally subnormal.

It's come to the point where I have to take notes to take in the simplest of instructions. Even when I'm not dealing with someone in the heat of the moment, the affect of the self doubt is causing a massive drop in my efficiency, too. So I have to endlessly re-check work I've done for fear of making very simplistic mistakes. I do this multiple times (even emails) for small issues that expose me as error prone and incompetent. So any 5 minute email becomes a 35 minute email.

This issue has cost me jobs, and each time it's taken a massive knock out of me. I'm tempted to raise this raise this with HR at my current job under the guise of a head injury effecting my ability to listen, but I'm hesitant as I've only recently started and I don't want draw any further attention to myself. I think there's a very high possibility I suffer from an anxiety disorder combined with ADHD.

This is eating me up, and making me loathe myself.

marliepanda · 7 July 2018 at 1:50PM

Firstly I would say if you dont have a head injury which causes this not to lie about it, but to be honest and say you simply struggle to retain verbal instructions and prefer written communication that you can refer to at a later date. There will be a lot of bosses who would love the opportunity to not have to talk to staff directly!

Dont make up a fake injury, there!!!8217;s no need

xapprenticex · 7 July 2018 at 2:19PM

Superiors cause you to have anxiety, pretty normal, ive had people approach me at my desk trembling, just because of my position i assume, and no doubt ive done the same in the past.

i think CBT may help in your case but if you dont tackle it, it wont go away and you cant lie about a head injury for the rest of your life. As its only triggered with certain people under certain conditions, id say forget about the ADHD angle.

Start doing something about it.

coffeehound · 7 July 2018 at 2:31PM

It does sound like you may be suffering from social anxiety or similar. Therapies and/or medication like beta-blockers apparently work for some. Overall though it might be better to look for a job or working environment where you don't feel so stressed. Does your area of expertise lend itself to home working, for example?

motorguy · 7 July 2018 at 3:04PM

flatulantyounggoat wrote: »

I think I need to an outside opinion on how the hell I can face up to a pretty outright embarrassing issue that I literally have no idea how to address. It's wrecking my career and scuttling jobs....

To keep this condensed, I work in a high tech industry. Full of smart, educated people and I'm supposed to be one of them. However, I often appear anything but. In fact, I can seem down right stupid. Normally the trigger of this is when I'm verbally asked to do something by a superior, think bosses execs, MD's, high end colleague etc. When being asked to do even very simple things in my technical niche directly by these individuals, I tend to just lock up. I simply cannot absorb the words they're telling me, it's as if they're talking in a foreign language. The harder I try, the worse it is. My short term memory / ability to retain goes to pot. The down ward spiral is that the worse it gets, I appear more and more mentally subnormal.

It's come to the point where I have to take notes to take in the simplest of instructions. Even when I'm not dealing with someone in the heat of the moment, the affect of the self doubt is causing a massive drop in my efficiency, too. So I have to endlessly re-check work I've done for fear of making very simplistic mistakes. I do this multiple times (even emails) for small issues that expose me as error prone and incompetent. So any 5 minute email becomes a 35 minute email.

This issue has cost me jobs, and each time it's taken a massive knock out of me. I'm tempted to raise this raise this with HR at my current job under the guise of a head injury effecting my ability to listen, but I'm hesitant as I've only recently started and I don't want draw any further attention to myself. I think there's a very high possibility I suffer from an anxiety disorder combined with ADHD.

This is eating me up, and making me loathe myself.

All of those symptoms are certainly signs of stress and could quite possibly depression related.

I would urge you to go see your doctor. I had similar some 10 years ago to the point where i thought i must have a brain tumor. All of what you're describing and it even got to the point where i couldnt "read" what was on a screen. The words were there but i couldnt absorb them. Couldnt remember things, couldnt remember doing things.

It turned out in my case to be depression - fairly typical in men at around 35-45 years old.

I'd get it checked out professionally. Could simply be you need help with stress and anxiety or it may be helped / resolved by medication.

Smodlet · 7 July 2018 at 4:17PM

No practical suggestions but please remember, whatever someone's job title is, they are just a person, same as you. There are those who think they are a higher form of life because they may have a higher salary; they are wrong. For all you know, some at least may be absolutely useless at the things you find easy. They might even be a little intimidated by your superior technical knowledge and come across as abrupt because of that.

Please consider the suggestions made already and try them out. What do you have to lose? Just remember, no-one is confident when they start out; you have to fake it until you make it. We all have to do things which scare us. Believe in yourself and let us know how you get on, OK?

StaffieTerrier · 7 July 2018 at 5:02PM

It's worth speaking to your Dr. There is help available out there.

Do you have a good relationship with your line manager? Would you be able to explain it to them? I manage someone with social anxiety and we've developed coping mechanisms for them to deal with the problems you describe.

shortcrust · 7 July 2018 at 10:50PM

I would see if you can be referred to you local speech and language department (some allow self referral, some via a GP) who’ll be able to assess you to see if you have difficulties processing spoken language. It’s something I would want to rule out before looking at other possible causes and remedies.

Dox · 7 July 2018 at 11:19PM

Have you always had difficulties in processing speech, or is this something which has only recently become an issue? How old are you?

lincroft1710 · 8 July 2018 at 4:21PM

I can understand written instructions more quickly and clearly than verbal ones

Armorica · 8 July 2018 at 4:54PM

Aspergers can coincide with ADHD and drive anxiety

Psychologically damaged?

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