Psychologically damaged?

Brynsam

Armorica wrote: »

Aspergers can coincide with ADHD and drive anxiety

Where's the evidence OP has either? Speculative 'diagnoses' based on so little information may not be the most helpful approach.

silverwhistle

lincroft1710 wrote: »

I can understand written instructions more quickly and clearly than verbal ones

There's also the point that the people giving verbal instructions may not be as clear as when they have to formulate it in writing, when they are likely to take more care and even re-read before sending.


If you have anxiety you are unlikely to query any lack of clarity, and I'm willing to bet we have all been at both ends of this process of giving and receiving unclear instructions. Bear that in mind, and it might help a little bit.

lincroft1710

silverwhistle wrote: »

There's also the point that the people giving verbal instructions may not be as clear as when they have to formulate it in writing, when they are likely to take more care and even re-read before sending.


If you have anxiety you are unlikely to query any lack of clarity, and I'm willing to bet we have all been at both ends of this process of giving and receiving unclear instructions. Bear that in mind, and it might help a little bit.

I don't know if your second paragraph is intended for me or the OP. If me I have no anxiety and first noticed that verbal instructions were less easy to follow was well over 40 years ago

shortcrust

I think for everyone without reading difficulties a complex instruction is going to be easier to follow from text than from speech. Speech is ephemeral, text persists. You can read at your own pace, you don't have to focus on remembering lots of information, and you can re-read (and re-read and re-read...). It sounds like the OP's experience goes beyond that.

I'm a speech and language therapist (I work with kids rather than adults) and I'll repeat my advice to get a referral to your local adult service. They'll be able to see whether you do have a problem with language processing and look at where the breakdown is (e.g. verbal memory, attention, processing speed, difficulties when instructions are given out of sequence). They'll give advice on things that you and others can do to help, and probably a report that you can show employers. If there isn't a problem with language processing then it's time to think about other factors such as anxiety or stress.

Armorica

Brynsam wrote: »

Where's the evidence OP has either? Speculative 'diagnoses' based on so little information may not be the most helpful approach.

Anxiety is pretty obvious from the post.

Aspergers is simply one of a number of possible diagnoses - it's not a speculative one, merely a possible one. (Bearing in mind the OP already feels ADHD is likely)

The OP may want to consider reading a book on aspergers and seeing if it fits. In particular things that would fit with aspergers would include
- OP claims smart, educated, high tech
- Poor short term memory
- Difficultly with quick processing of verbal information

(I couldnt spot anything in the original post that really suggests ADHD, and anxiety can be a symptom where aspergers in the root cause)

The situation the OP describes is a common career path for individuals with aspergers.

For the avoidance of doubt, I amm not saying it IS. I am saying it MIGHT be, and is just ONE of MANY possibilities.

flatulantyounggoat

Thanks for the informative, non critical responses...just to clarify, early 30's. First realized I had this complex during my first serious office job (3 years ago) and it goes back to a position where I had a negative experience with one particular boss. When she sat next to me, mind went to pot. Ultimately I consistently projected very badly and was asked to leave. She wasnt a bad person, but when I had her nearby things could get very tense and my brain seized up. It's particularly bad when I feel like I'm being judged or there's any sceptasim against me. I must emphasize this. Being judged and scrutinized in the work place is total normal I just seem to handle it extremely badly. I'm obsessively paranoid about seeming incompetent especially in front of seniority. To those below me I'm just a normal guy and visa versa.

It's interesting anxiety about medical problems was mentioned. I've had bouts some extreme of finding things wrong with myself and convincing myself I have a terminal illness.

Night sweats back in the winter - leukemia. Always corosponded with nightmares. Ended getting blood tests and was normal. Back pain numbness after a gym injury. Metastatic lung cancer. Weight loss - undiagnosed cancer. Years back I had obsessive concerns that my moles were melomas. The list goes on, seriously. I know it's irrational too. Every time I feel my back, head etc anywhere on me really I find a bump or something....it's pathetic and insults those who are genuinely illl. I apologise to them sincerely.

I have looked up Asperger's extensively, and I just can't quite line up myself against it. I do have a family member with genuinely diagnosed ADHD, however. We've always had similar struggles at school, too. If you met me on the street I'd seem like a completely normal guy.

Just hope I can recover my confidence a bit this week, feels like a big feigning act on my behalf. I'll try and get to my GP, though with the state of the NhS and lack of mental health resources I think I might be shafted on that one.

Smodlet

I bet many of us have had... People whose job title implied they were somehow our superiors who made us feel like that, Mr. Goat. I still find I cannot type when someone, anyone including my lovely OH, is breathing down my neck. For some reason the message from the brain cell to the fingers goes haywire. The rest of the time, I am fine. It's just a thing.

Some people actually enjoy being watched while they work but I think they tend to be the kind of people who enjoy being the centre of attention in any situation. That is so not me.

There have been some great suggestions on here, I think, especially from someone who is a speech and language therapist. Please just remember you are every bit as good as anyone else, no matter who they think they are and you would not be employed if you were not considered valuable to the business.

Perhaps you could try this: Hold your head up, look 'em straight in the eye and say something like, "Would you like to put that in an email for me? It will save time in the long run as I won't have to keep disturbing you to check what you said. I can't really be expected to remember all that unless it is written down; could you?"

Edit as you think fit and remember you are no longer in the same space as that woman who made you feel inadequate... You do know no-one can do that to you without your permission, right? HTH and have faith in you.

Elinore

Many years ago i was absolutely convinced i was an idiot at work and they were going to find me out. I obsessed, i thought i was ill, not unsimilar to what you mentioned.

I became clumsy because i was overthinking everything that made me seem more of a dolt. I just couldn't process anything as my brain was full of the noise from my self doubt, agonising second guessing and negative thoughts - there was no space for anything else.

I went to see a good friend of mine who was in the clinical field and she basically told me i was suffering from imposter syndrome, i was depressed and stressed.

I left the job a few days later - took some time out, did some mindfulness courses and CBT retrained, I am happy and productive in a different field entirely. I still get a stress reaction if similar circumstances come up , but it is rare now i have some distance and clarity i acknowledge it and work through it.

Though your circumstances are not quite the same I just thought i would let you know that getting help may change things for the better.

*just to clarify i wasn't an idiot at all. My work was exemplary - i just couldn't see it at the time. Slowly millimeter by millimeter my stressy, master manipulator, work shy, but at the same time a micromanaging boss just managed to stoke the flames of some deep flaw in me. It lit my brain up with negative energy like it was buzzing neon sign bright with anxious energy and made me utterly consume myself with gnawing self doubt.

Smodlet

Elinore wrote: »

i wasn't an idiot at all. My work was exemplary - i just couldn't see it at the time. Slowly millimeter by millimeter my stressy, master manipulator, work shy, but at the same time a micromanaging boss just managed to stoke the flames of some deep flaw in me. It lit my brain up with negative energy like it was buzzing neon sign bright with anxious energy and made me utterly consume myself with gnawing self doubt.

My experience exactly and, the more bullies there are all telling you the same BS, that you are no good, the more you believe it. It can indeed get to the point where, if someone praises your work you flat out don't believe them. You think they have an agenda.

Had I only known then what I know now... Where's my T.A.R.D.I.S.?

Sir_Robin

I have had the same problems and even now still cannot talk to the boss without freezing up and acting like an idiot. For me I think it was a cocktail of stress, imposter syndrome and anxiety.

Cut down on the Coffee, take up intense cardio-based exercise, vitamin d and omega 3 supplements, improve your diet. Those will help with the anxiety it is all stemming from this.