My father has been confronting my neighbours without me knowing

Cat123456 · 23 January 2018 at 3:51PM

I very recently found out my father has been confronting my neighbours about issues I have with them behind my back and I am mortified!

I found out about this very recently and honestly don't know what to do. I thought my neighbours were just antisocial, but fear this has added to them not approaching me. We all have issues with our neighbours and with mine it's mostly that they leave rubbish etc in the communal area of the flats. Obviously we complain about these things to friends family etc, but that's as far as it goes.

I only found out because as we were heading towards my property he confronted 2 of my neighbours about rubbish being left around. I tried to end the conversation/change the tone and he just spoke over me. When inside my house I politely said I wish he hadn't of done that as I feel it undermines me with my neighbours and also looks like I'm asking someone else to fight my battles which isn't appropriate as I've lived here for a number of years. He then told me he had approached my neighbours before about issues I've told him about. Obviously I had no idea about any of this and when I tried to find out who and how many times he had approached them he got angry and left.

I'm in rented accommodation and fear that my neighbours may have complained about this, but also I don't know how often this has happened. I'm embarrassed because what must my neighbours think and hurt that my father's been going behind my back.

Any suggestions on what to do with the neighbours? Also wondering how I can speak to my father about this so he understands it's not ok and so I can get an idea of how often this has happened/what has been said?

Comms69 · 23 January 2018 at 3:57PM

It's unlikely anything will happen with your tenancy.

I would suggest cakes and apologies all round for your neighbours though...

Cat123456 · 23 January 2018 at 4:01PM

As I don't know what's been said and to who I feel approaching them without any idea of what's happened may make the situation worse

need_an_answer · 23 January 2018 at 4:04PM

Don't say anything that you don't want someone to repeat on your behalf!

Perhaps your father thought he was doing you a favour,therefore if you don't want him to intervene or make comment to your neighbours don't bring the subject up with him.

If rubbish is an issue where you live then either contact your LL to ask if the situation may be addressed by the management company or if you have access to them why not go down the official channels of ensuring everyone has a nice place to live.

FWIW I would go via the management company and your LL actually why should you apologise to the neighbours with tea and cake etc when actually they should be putting their rubbish in a designated area

how much rubbish are we talking about?

suejb2 · 23 January 2018 at 4:06PM

Cat123456 wrote: »

As I don't know what's been said and to who I feel approaching them without any idea of what's happened may make the situation worse

Than as Comms suggests cake and apologies to ALL neighbours.

need_an_answer · 23 January 2018 at 4:21PM

suejb2 wrote: »

Than as Comms suggests cake and apologies to ALL neighbours.

I get the bit about apologising to the neighbours about how potentially the Father has spoken to them, however why he felt the need to speak to them clearly needs to be addressed
(it isn't acceptable to just leave items in communal areas whether that is rubbish or other items,those areas need to be clear as part of the health and safety of the building together with the fire risk and evacuation needs).

That is why at the moment I wouldn't be offering tea and cake all round.
Why would you offer a tea and cake apology if it truly was something that you've had a moan to your friends and family about.

Surely it's about getting the neighbours to recognise that they live in a building with others and communal areas are not for abandoning rubbish.
Ultimately it may require the management company to clear the areas if it is bad at additional expense to leaseholders.

Comms69 · 23 January 2018 at 4:23PM

Cat123456 wrote: »

As I don't know what's been said and to who I feel approaching them without any idea of what's happened may make the situation worse

Ok just ignore them then. Who cares about the neighbours anyway....

It's a simple: hiya, realised my dad may hve been causing some problems, so here's a peace of cake (pun intended)

warehouse · 23 January 2018 at 4:26PM

Take a leaf out of your fathers book and be more assertive about neighbours who are lazy. Please don't concern yourself about how they think of you or your father. He may have gone about it like a bull in a china shop but he obviously cares. Take him a cake, not the lazy neighbours.

Comms69 · 23 January 2018 at 4:27PM

need_an_answer wrote: »

I get the bit about apologising to the neighbours about how potentially the Father has spoken to them, however why he felt the need to speak to them clearly needs to be addressed
(it isn't acceptable to just leave items in communal areas whether that is rubbish or other items,those areas need to be clear as part of the health and safety of the building together with the fire risk and evacuation needs). - 1: you assume that, you actually have no idea. and 2: it's for the freeholder/management company to sort out, not number 14s dad!

That is why at the moment I wouldn't be offering tea and cake all round.
Why would you offer a tea and cake apology if it truly was something that you've had a moan to your friends and family about. - because the OP asked how to make the situation better. By all means knock on the door of each and tell them to go fornicate with a tree if you want, but it's not going to keep the peace.

Surely it's about getting the neighbours to recognise that they live in a building with others and communal areas are not for abandoning rubbish.
Ultimately it may require the management company to clear the areas if it is bad at additional expense to leaseholders.

- this is why I don't rent in flats (either privately or via leasehold!)

maman · 23 January 2018 at 4:41PM

I certainly wouldn't go down the tea and cake route. They can hardly complain to landlord that they were asked not to clutter up the communal areas.

It doesn't sound like your dad was rude, offensive or aggressive (which I would apologise for) just speaking the truth. You've obviously decided to say nothing to keep the peace. That's your choice so better not have a quiet moan to your dad as he took it seriously.

need_an_answer · 23 January 2018 at 4:45PM

Comms69 wrote: »

- this is why I don't rent in flats (either privately or via leasehold!)

Let's hope you are never lucky/unlucky enough to be in the position of owning one where as a leaseholder you have had to pay for others laziness concerning rubbish removal/dumped items etc.

I'm sorry I would never reward someone with tea cake or whatever when they see fit to let the contents of where they live spill out into a communal area which should be kept clear.

My father has been confronting my neighbours without me knowing

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