My father has been confronting my neighbours without me knowing

SuperPikachu

If you have been there years and don't make any effort to socialise with these neighbours then why do you suddenly mind that your father said something to them about mess they made?

And if you were actually worried then just go and talk to them.

Cat123456

Legal action has been taken before with previous neighbours as he rubbish has been so bad. I've spoken to my father who told me last night was a one off so I'm just going to leave it.

I explained to him how it wasn't appropriate to approach my neighbours and if I were to do the same with his neighbours he wouldn't be too happy.

Overall I'd like thank you guys for telling me to not worry about it too much

onlyroz

When I found out that my mum relayed every single word of our conversations to my aunt (on whatever topic no matter how serious or trivial or personal) I simply stopped telling her personal things. I’d take a similar approach with your dad and be more cautious about what you say to him.

As for your slobby neighbours, the people to air your grievances with are the freeholders or management company.

HighamKneeDee

Well done dad!

Marvel1

Cat123456 wrote: »

when I tried to find out who and how many times he had approached them he got angry and left.

If he is happy to confront random people then he is big enough to discuss this with you instead of walking out, I suggest trying again. Also say how you feel about this and were venting.

moneyistooshorttomention

Re the "venting" and I'm guessing that's what OP was doing in hindsight.

But some of us don't really understand the concept of "venting" and maybe OP's father is one of them.

The exact same comment of "It's wrong/they're wrong/I want it stopped" may be a vent when said by one person, but a statement of fact & request for Action when said by another person.

It certainly took me years to realise a lot of people are just venting - rather than serious statement/"I want action" when they say something.

So it does take people who vent a long time to realise my complaint, for instance, is a serious request for Action. In return - I've had to learn that people who say they want something/are unhappy about something aren't necessarily requesting Action (as I would be if I used the exact same words).

That is the thing to realise - some people are complaining. But others of us are putting notes in our diaries for a week later saying "Has there been Action on it yet?" and following-up.

It's two different mindsets basically and I'm guessing that maybe women tend to have more of a "venting" mindset and men more of a "It's a request for Action" mindset. Not necessarily so - as I'm a woman and I do "requests for Action" mindset - so there are exceptions to that.

Comms69

need_an_answer wrote: »

Let's hope you are never lucky/unlucky enough to be in the position of owning one where as a leaseholder you have had to pay for others laziness concerning rubbish removal/dumped items etc.

I'm sorry I would never reward someone with tea cake or whatever when they see fit to let the contents of where they live spill out into a communal area which should be kept clear.

How would that happen exactly? I just said I would never do it.


I accidentally apply for a mortgage for a flat and accidentally sign contract, accidentally move in.....

AylesburyDuck

Cat123456 wrote: »

I very recently found out my father has been confronting my neighbours about issues I have with them behind my back and I am mortified!

I found out about this very recently and honestly don't know what to do. I thought my neighbours were just antisocial, but fear this has added to them not approaching me. We all have issues with our neighbours and with mine it's mostly that they leave rubbish etc in the communal area of the flats. Obviously we complain about these things to friends family etc, but that's as far as it goes.

I only found out because as we were heading towards my property he confronted 2 of my neighbours about rubbish being left around. I tried to end the conversation/change the tone and he just spoke over me. When inside my house I politely said I wish he hadn't of done that as I feel it undermines me with my neighbours and also looks like I'm asking someone else to fight my battles which isn't appropriate as I've lived here for a number of years. He then told me he had approached my neighbours before about issues I've told him about. Obviously I had no idea about any of this and when I tried to find out who and how many times he had approached them he got angry and left.

I'm in rented accommodation and fear that my neighbours may have complained about this, but also I don't know how often this has happened. I'm embarrassed because what must my neighbours think and hurt that my father's been going behind my back.

Any suggestions on what to do with the neighbours? Also wondering how I can speak to my father about this so he understands it's not ok and so I can get an idea of how often this has happened/what has been said?

Cat123456 wrote: »

Legal action has been taken before with previous neighbours as he rubbish has been so bad. I've spoken to my father who told me last night was a one off so I'm just going to leave it.

I explained to him how it wasn't appropriate to approach my neighbours and if I were to do the same with his neighbours he wouldn't be too happy.

Overall I'd like thank you guys for telling me to not worry about it too much

You've contradicted yourself there, which one is it? Is your Dad now trying to dodge the bullet!
Lets hope he doesnt involve himself in matters that dont concern him any more, however as he's been going behind your back for awhile i doubt it very much he sounds very over protective.

Tygermoth

Many years ago now I had to be moved to a flat in a very very rough area - and i mean ROUGH. My mother, who has never been helpful in her life suddenly decided that she was going to assist me in moving in on the day.

I was staggering back from the van with a box when i came around a corner to her giving my brand new neighbours a very big piece of her mind about them living like pigs and to pull their trousers up because their underwear was showing.

I. was. horrified.

Her in her twin set and pearls, them in their gang clothes and hoodies.

Apparently they we very rude to her - so she swanned off home - her nose in the air with a 'I told them' attitude and left me in the flat knowing that the dudes outside, who were in the process of setting fire to someone's car and having a massive fist fight with another gang of lads, she had right royaly peed off - and they knew where i lived!

To this day, in her mind it was helpful and the right thing to do and she won't be told otherwise.

(in the end i was in that flat for some time and the only actually bother i had with the neighbours on the bottom floor adored my cat and would feed her milk - which badly upset her tum.... but they still did it anyway because they loved her and she loved milk lol)

the raids, knifings, riots, car fires, defecating in the stairwells were all par for the course. I believe the building no longer stands after a 14 year old serial arsonist managed to burn the whole place down (after barricading the single stairwell) luckily no one was hurt.