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Help... I feel like my head is about to explode :(

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Comments

  • mark5
    mark5 Posts: 1,365 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    cjdavies wrote: »
    Hour current partner sounds too clingy.


    He's probably got issues from his last relationship and like the op jumped head first into the current one.
  • Sarastro
    Sarastro Posts: 400 Forumite
    Hey,
    I'm impressed by your cool response to some harsh (but well meant) comments.
    Be kind to yourself. As one post said, to not be affected by 'what might have been' is unrealistic. That grief needs somewhere to go - and your new BF might not be the best place for that.
    It's okay to find someone you feel powerfully about whilst you are still grieving for a previous relationship. But, it's complex to work out how you feel! Give yourself time. Give yourself space, if that's what you want. If your new BF values you, he will understand, because he will see that you're thinking long-term, not short-term. Above all be kind to yourself.
    Debt 1/1/17 - Credit Cards £17,280.23; overdrafts £3,777.24
    Debt 5/1/18 - Credit Cards £3,188; overdrafts £0
  • cr1mson
    cr1mson Posts: 935 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Rubbish at quoting but your comment about being 'careful and clear' with your new boyfriend raises red flags to me. Whilst I don't give no thought to what I say to my husband and probably gave more thought to it in the initial stages of our relationship I never felt I had to be careful and clear. If you can't be you in a relationship what is the point?

    I think you have two different issues here one is your current relationship and one is the feelings about your ex. Even if you know deep in your heart of hearts that cancelling the wedding was the right thing you are still entitled to be upset. You are allowed to 'grieve' for how you expected your life to be. The wedding date is obviously going to be a focus for this.

    Good luck.
  • chiefie
    chiefie Posts: 406 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Posts
    Take time out to be with yourself - after a period it will come to you. You may risk losing him though so be prepared
  • Tempus01
    Tempus01 Posts: 57 Forumite
    cr1mson wrote: »
    Rubbish at quoting but your comment about being 'careful and clear' with your new boyfriend raises red flags to me. Whilst I don't give no thought to what I say to my husband and probably gave more thought to it in the initial stages of our relationship I never felt I had to be careful and clear. If you can't be you in a relationship what is the point?

    I think you have two different issues here one is your current relationship and one is the feelings about your ex. Even if you know deep in your heart of hearts that cancelling the wedding was the right thing you are still entitled to be upset. You are allowed to 'grieve' for how you expected your life to be. The wedding date is obviously going to be a focus for this.

    Good luck.

    Me saying I am clear and careful was in response to someone who said that perhaps I'm not being clear with my BF. By clear and careful I mean that I'm not beating around the bush and when I need my space I'm straight with him and tell him.

    I think you're very much right in what you have said about the wedding. I think I am grieving it. I know that that's ok. There are a lot of dates coming up that we shared so I am trying my best to keep a clear head and get through them. Not as easy as I first thought
    22.08.2017 start of my journey :)
    Loan = £6200.00/£466.01 Barclays Card = £1631.36/ 1968.00 Tesco Credit Card = £3500/3236 NatWest Credit Card = £1422.34/ £1534 Littlewoods account = £104 / £40.60
  • Tempus01
    Tempus01 Posts: 57 Forumite
    edited 19 September 2018 at 5:28PM
    Sarastro wrote: »
    Hey,
    I'm impressed by your cool response to some harsh (but well meant) comments.
    Be kind to yourself. As one post said, to not be affected by 'what might have been' is unrealistic. That grief needs somewhere to go - and your new BF might not be the best place for that.
    It's okay to find someone you feel powerfully about whilst you are still grieving for a previous relationship. But, it's complex to work out how you feel! Give yourself time. Give yourself space, if that's what you want. If your new BF values you, he will understand, because he will see that you're thinking long-term, not short-term. Above all be kind to yourself.

    Thank you for your kind words!
    22.08.2017 start of my journey :)
    Loan = £6200.00/£466.01 Barclays Card = £1631.36/ 1968.00 Tesco Credit Card = £3500/3236 NatWest Credit Card = £1422.34/ £1534 Littlewoods account = £104 / £40.60
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