Help... I feel like my head is about to explode :(

Tempus01

Hi

I am literally at my wits end today.


All is good

cheeky-peach

Hi,


So, back in March I split from my husband (we'd been together 5 years, married for 2). I'm seeing someone new now and I have felt in the same boat as you, not necessarily with feeling like our lives revolve around one and other but the feeling constantly stressed, emotional etc.


Maybe you need to take some time out and see how YOU feel? When was the last time you thought about that? Also, have a think about what you want from life - is it your ex? If so, you need to focus on moving on emotionally before committing yourself to someone else. If you aren't emotionally involved with your ex anymore then consider how you can just take each day as it comes. It could well be that you feel that you're missing out by no longer having a wedding to look forward to, but believe me, if it wasn't right, then it wasn't right and one day you will get married and it will be amazing if that's truly what you want to do.


I really do think you both need to spend time apart and together to get yourselves sorted; maybe a holiday would be good?


It does get better - time is a great healer!

Guest101

Moved on too quickly? Both used to relationships which are 'married life', not had much of a single lifestyle?


Obviously it's hard to be sure, but that is what it sounds like.


I wouldn't suggest going back to your ex, whether you still have feelings or not. That just seems cruel.


But equally this new guy may not be the one you really want.

Tempus01

Guest101 wrote: »

Moved on too quickly? Both used to relationships which are 'married life', not had much of a single lifestyle?


Obviously it's hard to be sure, but that is what it sounds like.


I wouldn't suggest going back to your ex, whether you still have feelings or not. That just seems cruel.


But equally this new guy may not be the one you really want.

I am just so overwhelmed with emotion It's horrible

BorisThomson

One step in moving on would be to stop calling him your fiance!

pinkshoes

Sounds like your current relationship is a bit of a rebound thing for both of you, and perhaps a little unhealthy...

Why did you split up with your ex?

Sounds like you perhaps need some time to your self being single and enjoying life!

Guest101

Tempus01 wrote: »

I think we just drifted apart, something went in my head one day and I ended it. We reconciled a couple of weeks later but everything was too raw and we havent spoke since. I didnt jump straight into a relationship with my new BF but I guess considering I had just come out of a long relationship it probably was too soon.

After 7 years? - I mean good that you ended it, but you need time to yourself I think

indiepanda

Tempus01 wrote: »

Perhaps I've moved on too quickly, but not intentionally. It just happened, I wasn't looking. I agree that the both of us have not had a single life, I don't think that's what I want but more time apart would probably be good. It's so hard to tell someone you need time apart. Just recently I have said that I'd like to have a night to myself once a week. So far that's happened twice, the first time he ended up going out and getting smashed and not didn speak to me for the night because he was annoyed. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I guess I have to be straight with him.


I am not considering getting back with my ex, he just keeps popping into my head. It wouldnt be fair on him to even make contact just beacuse I am feeling unsure.


I guess it's a bigger adjustment than I first thought.


I am just so overwhelmed with emotion It's horrible

I know it's not unusual to have thoughts about an ex (took me quite a while to get over mine and we were only together two years and are still on friendly terms). If you are thinking that much about an ex, even if this new guy is the right guy (and what you've said doesn't sound good on that front) it sounds like the timing is way off as you don't even seem to know why you split with your ex really, much less have actually emotionally moved on from him properly.

Better to back off and sort yourself out as a single person than stay in what is sounding like an unhealthy new relationship (it shouldn't result in temper tantrums if you want a bit of time alone!).

Guest101

indiepanda wrote: »

I know it's not unusual to have thoughts about an ex (took me quite a while to get over mine and we were only together two years and are still on friendly terms). If you are thinking that much about an ex, even if this new guy is the right guy (and what you've said doesn't sound good on that front) it sounds like the timing is way off as you don't even seem to know why you split with your ex really, much less have actually emotionally moved on from him properly.

Better to back off and sort yourself out as a single person than stay in what is sounding like an unhealthy new relationship (it shouldn't result in temper tantrums if you want a bit of time alone!).

Nor should the Op be thinking about her ex to be fair!

Robisere

The 'wedding date' is just a date on the calendar now. At least, that's what it should be, but you are turning it into a drama. Reading your OP and your replies to others, I think you have an expectation problem and a dissatisfaction problem.

Expectation is what you began with when you first met your ex, had 7 years together and decided to accept his proposal (if that's how it happened). Dissatisfaction was what followed, when you came to the conclusion that the guy who wanted you to be his wife, was not the man you wnated for a husband. This second bf appears to be a "rinse & repeat" episode, in which your dissatisfaction is showing up again.

Perhaps you need to sit down and have a long talk to yourself: are you ever going to be satisfied with what seems to be fine at first, and what is it that brings on the dissatisfaction?

indiepanda

Guest101 wrote: »

Nor should the Op be thinking about her ex to be fair!

Pretty sure my post also said that if not in exactly those words - e.g. timing off, haven't moved on from ex emotionally. But the temper tantrums weren't about the ex anyway, the OP hadn't mentioned her feelings to him at that point.