Best Time To Go BR

SaneMoment · 12 December 2008 at 8:42PM

Hi

Gosh thanks for such a lovley welcome...I have spent today putting all our paperwork in order and shredding the excess...2 black bin bags full:eek: :eek:
Im slowly working my way through a SOA just confirming the amounts outstanding,frightening total am just wondering where on earth we spent that amount, and what on

Have noted all your advice and have taken on board the one re NTC this was one of the reasons why I was twittering around leaving our BR decision till later in the tax year.

Could someone confirm that your BR does not appear in the newspapers as from Jan 2009? I think I read this somewhere but am not sure if this is actually the law or just a proposal in law to be decided on.

Whats making it more difficult is that some of the debtors have sold on some of the debts to other Debt Collection Agencies, will sort it out though.

We have no assetts to protect, we rent from the local authority and have a car on HP which we will probably lose, to be honest I will be glad if it goes, its a damn expensive money draining thing..OHs pride and joy and an absolute money pit, Im learning to drive but the bus will do me for the time being.

This Christmas is going to be low key and cheap:santa2: :xmastree: and if OH does not take on board how bad our finances are I can see seperation being the order of the day for 2009, Im fed up of bieng afraid to answer the door/phone and open letters its soul destroying, demeaning and corrosive to just having an ordinary everyday life.

Once again many thanks will post the SOA from hell in the morning any advice would be most helpful.

Sadie:o

hanvic · 12 December 2008 at 10:09PM

:easter_ba

hi

isnt it a relief when you finally start to get things sorted

good luck

hanvic

DON79 · 12 December 2008 at 10:40PM

SaneMoment wrote: »

Im fed up of bieng afraid to answer the door/phone and open letters its soul destroying, demeaning and corrosive to just having an ordinary everyday life

Hi, have you seriously considered getting your phone numbered changed if the calls are really upsetting you? It was the same for me, the calls really upset me and along with that came the letters. But I changed my number, just told the phone company was getting silent and harassing calls. Now it is so much better as we get no calls from creditors and I don't have to be afraid to answer the phone now.

get your soa up here tomorrow and some lovely people will tweak it about a bit and tell you what to increase to reduce your surplus income.

well done for coming on here, it will really help you get things sorted and for me, it really restored my sanity as I was in a pretty desperate emotional state.

dalip · 12 December 2008 at 10:56PM

There is a proposal which is supposed to come into force about feb/march time. BUT it is not to stop ALL notices in the paper. It will be discretionary so looks like the majority of you will still have it in your local rag!

Are your debts all joint?. The reason i ask is you mentioned the fact that your OH may not admit to your finances being bad.

My OH tried to ignore his, so only i went bc,he is now on a DMP:rolleyes: . What i a trying to say is there is no reason why you alone can not go bc if a lot of your debt is in your name and your OH still has his head in the sand;) .Dx

SaneMoment · 13 December 2008 at 1:41AM

Hello again...

Have rung a couple of the debt charities, CCCS recommended a IVA had an awful tussle of words with the lady on the end of the phone infact I was quite rude sometimes so we agreed to disagree..I want to go BR but one debt charity said ooh no dear you will end up with an IPO and most likley a BRO to be perfectley frank I dont care whats thrown at us just as long as we can have some kind of fresh start.
OH is getting bolshy and narkey so hes had the ultimatum we sort out out finances together or you can take your debts and clear off and I will sort myself out alone which I honestley think will happen, cause deep down I dont care anymore. im sick of doing overtime and streching the pennies to no avail whilst he swans around in his car and new clothes whilst Im penny pinching and making ends meet.
He lent his daughter by first marriage two hundred pounds yesterday to get her kids some new clothes:mad: :mad: :mad: thats money I have worked hard for to have some kind of cheap/decent C:mad: hristmas so thats his pressie up the swannie he can get an IOU of his daughter!!!!:rolleyes:

My lovley sister has offered to sort me out with a deposit on some rented accomm so that he can stew in his own mess, were talking £50.000 most of it in credit cards and binge spending on his two daughters and grandkids in some kind of guilt trip to compensate for leaving there mother,goodness knows I know I sound bitter but I never expected to take on his whole damn family and be in this position, they say love is blind it sure was in my case I must have had multiple cataracts:cool: :cool: .
Sorry for moaning and ranting but enough is enough, we either get this sorted and our future sorted or I go it alone, Ive noticed that some of the more regular posters have split up and gone seperate ways but thats:cool: another story for another day. later this morning I will post my SOA and you can fiddle with my figures and see if theres any savings that can be made, meanwhile I shall go find my calculator and get proactive on this BR journey..

Many thanks
Sadie:o

Merry_Gentry · 13 December 2008 at 1:59AM

Even if you and your husband are doing it together, you go bankrupt alone. My H and I went bankrupt at the same time (very basically, he went BR, according to CCCS the joint debts tipped me over, so we went on the same day), but our experiences of BR are very different. We are no longer together - it was realising the relationship was over that made me/us look at our finances.

Since moving out of the first rented accommodation into a place with just my girls, I have learnt to budget much more carefully, keep tight control over every penny, and am really feeling in control of my life. Ok, things aren't easy - he's not paying child support at the moment while we wait for the CSA to sort it out which is £250 per month that I could really do with :rolleyes: - my car keeps dying, the nil tax code totally screwed me up with housing benefit :mad: etc etc etc.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you are ready to face up to this stuff, then you need to do the best thing for YOU. You have given him the opportunity to go through it together - if he's not listening/not ready to listen, don't let it stop you taking action.

Well worth talking to National Debtline for a second opinion.

Good luck. :grouphug:

SaneMoment · 13 December 2008 at 2:07AM

Thanks Merry G

I appreciate that being in debt causes tremendous strains in relationships especially mine at the mo..I think its still salvageable with some effort but if hes not prepared to talk about it Im going it alone,Im tired of always being the one that doesnt understand the guilt he feels about leaving his wife, he left her long before I met him so why should I be made to feel guilty, his debts were well in place when we met, my wages only seem to go to subsidise his ever open wallet towards his family i feel like an undertanding bank teller nah no way I have a life to lead preferably debt free and if he doesnt want to be part of it and stop being the unpaid taxi driver and financial problem solver he can take up those positions with out his sidekick~~ me Ive got to sort my life out and that begins NOW

Sadie

dalip · 13 December 2008 at 8:41AM

Sadie

I can actually understand where your OH is coming from. I left my first hubby when my kids where little and most of my debt was through trying to make it up to them. Guilt is an awful thing.

That said as merry says you need to do what is right for you. My OH refused to go bc when i did saying he did not have enough debt,the truth of it was he was a coward. Now i have gone through it he keeps saying he should. Instead he is doing a DMP.

You say an IVA was reccomended,why do you have your own property?

Any joints debts?, as even if you go bc your OH would still be liable for them.

As to a BRO those are only usually given out for things like gambling,taking out credit when you knew you were insolvent ect.
As to an IPA ,well cross that bridge when you come to it.

Maybe get your OH to have a browse through this forum,may help him face up to it. Fear of the unknown is an awful thing and thats what scared most of us on here who have already done the deed.

Sort things out as if you alone are going bc and just maybe your OH will see the light. If not as you say you need to do this for yourself.Good luck.Dxx

lisamummytoarchieplusbump · 13 December 2008 at 8:54AM

hi sadie i dont understand how the debt charity have tried putting you off going br by saying you will get a ipo, firstly you will get far more leeway on expenditure with br than with an iva and it will only last 3yrs.

im sorry to hear about you and your husband, i think its most a male ego pride that they are like caveman main provider, so admiting you are in debt is admitting some sort of failier. which is not the case.

why is it women always have to be right but on the few times they are wrong they are gracious in defeat

dalip · 13 December 2008 at 9:02AM

You speak for yourself lisa,not sure i have ever been gracious in defeat:rotfl: especailly where the OH is concerned:D

Best Time To Go BR

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