Would you tell them if you were me?

My_aim_is_true

Thanks to you all; we really appreciate all the input. You're kind of echoing what we were thinking, that is to tell them that things are pretty tight but without all the drama.
Before we do though, we’re going to see what help there may be from the Uni course in terms of financial support. I hear that when forms go out to the prospective student then there could be some financial questions that would have to be answered. At that point our daughter may discover the depth of our difficulties. I’d like to avoid that if poss.
We need to do this very soon as time’s a-marching on and courses are being selected shortly. I’d also like to sit down to talk to our two well before Christmas.

molesworth

Would your daughter consider taking a year out to save up some money before uni? It wouldn't pay all the bills of course but it might be a help. All my children have taken a year out and benefited from it - they arrive at college much more mature and able to cope - and plenty of people do it, so it's cool. Taking a job while living at home is one way but if your daughter wants an adventure she might consider working the ski season in the Alps. Great for languages too. There are various agencies. One of my daughters did this - she worked as a chambermaid. It was very hard work but she made a lot of money. Unfortunately she spent it all by going to Canada on a student scheme for the summer - jobs there weren't easy to find and she didn't cover her exes. Just a word of warning!

I appreciate that with some science courses taking a year out isn't recommended. Generally it looks good on the CV though. Also there is the possibility of getting sponsorship for the uni course (I haven't checked but I believe companies like BT have schemes). Good luck!

I agree with the consensus that you should give your children some idea of what's going on.

This is my first post - hope I've done everything right.

rprinter

You could turn this round a bit as a valuable piece of life-coaching for your kids.

It will be good for them to know first hand what living beyond your means and on credit can lead to...

I speak from experience as, 20 years ago, when I was 18 and just starting to earn, my parents, as was usual back then, had never borrowed a penny and lived very frugally within their means. Credit became available to me, the 'have things now pay later' mentality took over. I mean, I didn't know any better did I?

20 years later I'm still paying it back!

There's a big lesson here in self control and it's gonna be the main thing I teach my two little 'uns about...

rchddap1

I would be 100% upfront about the situation, particularly with the student, explaining that if you take out too much credit (or debt) this is the mess that you can get yourself into.

Don't worry about the financial bits on the University forms. Depending on how well off or not you are there may be some financial assistance. Besides as a student your 'child' will need to be able to manage their own money properly and this could be one step on the way.

Show your kids that the best policy is to be honest and upfront about things. I know its a bit embarassing to have to admit to your kids that you've gotten yourself in this mess, but if you handle it correctly it could prevent them from getting in the same mess.

Take a deep breath and do the deed that you know needs to be done. The longer you put it off the harder it will be. Do it now.

worried_and_confused

Yes I would tell them. Whilst I can understand your fear of burdening them with worry, it's surprising how resiliant kids are. I wouldn't bother with all the details (no need for a spreadsheet each on their bedroom walls ), but you can explain that a) you've got in to debt
b) you're doing something to make it better.

I don't think they'll think less of you for making a mistake, particularly as you are trying to sort it out to make it better for the whole family in the end, although it won't be easy for a while.

good luck!