Marrying Mr Wrong

lavandergirl_2

Just found this article at The Times and just want to share it here at MSE. It has hit a nerve at most people who read it. With people asking advice for love and relationship, this article might be of help.


http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/the_way_we_live/article4166499.ece

January20

First mistake: marrying somebody who doesn't like your friends. For me it would sound like a personal attack because my friends mean so much to me and friends are the people you have left when a relationship goes bad.

What did this person have to heal about? She never loved her husband! It's not like it was a great passion and he cheated on her repeatedly!

As a single woman though I do understand some of her feelings. In our society it is still regarded as weird if you are on your own. There is a pressure to get married and have children, have a "normal" life and people don't understand when you are not doing that! On Loose Women a few week ago they had a so called "professional" person who incensed me by saying that women who say they are happy single are lying! what kind of message does that send? That's what makes people marry mr or mrs wrong.

Incidentally, how can you have 4 children with someone you don't love?

aimee21j

Interesting article. Thanks OP. Jane Green is my favourite writer.

galvanizersbaby

January20 wrote: »

Incidentally, how can you have 4 children with someone you don't love?

Love and passion are two different things - it is easy to make babies without passion on a woman's part and the pressures on women to have children and marry to conform are very real - I could relate to the story.

Dee123_2

Ouch @ those comments left on the webpage.

I think it's a well written article by a good writer which unravels and describes how SHE has made sense of her wasted years. Easy to relate to but I suspect the truth might be slightly different if her husband had a say.

Hopefully, she is truly as happy as she says with her new man but I wouldn't be surprised if she writes another novel soon about the illusion/delusion she was under concerning this one.

January20

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Love and passion are two different things - it is easy to make babies without passion on a woman's part and the pressures on women to have children and marry to conform are very real - I could relate to the story.

I am a woman!

I believe that passion doesn't remain in a long term relationships so you can't rely solely on that.

I would never have a child with somebody I didn't love ( I can't understand how people do) and Jane Green actually said she didn't love her husband. She even sounded lukewarm when she talked about beeing attracted to her.

I have to say, I felt little sympathy for her reading this article! And you are 100% correct on the pressures put on women - which is franking shocking in this day and age!

SugarSpun

I have no sympathy for her. She went into a marriage dishonestly.

It's one thing when marriages break down over time, but to go into one knowing you don't think it's a good idea is asking for trouble.

My sympathies are all with her husband. I wonder if he gets to see his kids, and if he had the sense to get a pre-nup?

lavandergirl_2

Some parts of it are a bit superfluous - Claridges, investment banker - but if we take that away this reminds me of Bridges of Madison County.

pantsdr

I just don't understand in this day and age how women in their late twenties can assign themselves a married-by-date, 1st baby by date etc. If JG were as independent as she so claimed to be in her twenties then surely she would have had the sense to not fall in love with materialism and marry for money as she did.

cheap_charlie

Wow...why put that out in public? She comes across as self absorbed and shows little concern for her children - this is their father she is discussing in great depth.

Shallow, vacuous woman.

Puzzledbubbles

Wow,

Well, i think ive got to say thank you to Lavandergirl.

OH and i have been having a very rough time of it.

To cut a long story short we cant have children (found out 2 months after we were married due to him being ill) and steadily of the last 18 months, we have had a total of 6 close friends and family have children. And on the weekend we were told of another 2 family members (both 17, single and very immature) who are pregnant.

Add worries about work etc, both feeling a bit lost in differnt surroundings and a huge family argument (ending with both of our lives being threatend and the police being called in) I have been looking at our relationship a lot (and i know he has too) and we have both been trying to think if maybe, somewhere the "friend" of mine who hated him was right.

But, reading that has proven something to me, i could never feel that way about my husband, the day we were married i was so happy, i am still happy and i love him dearly.

She says you need passion, admiration and respect and i think Jane is right, you do, but you also need communication, without that we would be up the spout.

I think its brave and honest and although i dont agree with her views, i kinda respect them and hope that she was as honest in person with her husband at the time as she was in print