my other half walked out on me and my three year old help!

tinkerbell1978

hi what do i need to do can anyone help please??
i have contacted tax credits and they are sending me a form as housing benefit and informed the council tax office and changed all the bills into my name which has all been straight forward but when i spoke to the tax credit office they told me to inform the social security who are they what do i need to do?? also what to i do about maintence from the ex do we sort that out between us or who do i involve?? also i said about a solicitor to sort out the visiting etc he went mad saying there is no need for that and he will see him as and when he can?! but i like to have method and routine in my house

any advice welcome and gratefully recieved

Loopy_Girl

Hey Tinkerbell

sorry to hear about your situation but don't panic (breathe!!). Tomorrow morning, find your local DWP office (in the phone book) and phone and ask to speak to a lone parent advisor and make an appointment to go and see them. They will help you with all your benefit entitlement and do the forms with you and, as a lone parent, they usually fast track the process.

With regards to maintenance - if you are going to claim Income Support (which you are as you are a lone parent) then you must give your child's father name and address etc. They will then pass the details onto the CSA and they will get in touch with your ex about money. As you will be on benefits then you will only be entitled to the first £10.00 of whatever they take (or if he is on benefits they will take £5 and you will get that).

With regards to access, that is up to you. Do you still have a reasonable relationship with him that you could sort out access between you? If so then I would say no need for lawyers but that is only for you to know.

Don't worry. Things will get sorted for you and you will get money. Not been on IS for a long while now but I believe that your IS and CTC combined come to about £120.00 per week and you will also get your council tax benefit and help with your rent.

Good luck x

Donedoingdebt

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

With regards to access, that is up to you. Do you still have a reasonable relationship with him that you could sort out access between you? If so then I would say no need for lawyers but that is only for you to know.

Agree completely.

If your ex wants unlimited access to your (and his) child & there are no other unreasonable circumstances & you feel he'll be a reliable Dad, surely their wishes should be put before your need for method & routine.

The only winners in legal matters such as these are the Lawyers.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but myself & my ex had no formal agreement when we split nearly 10 years ago & it's worked wonders. They've been able to come & go as they please & even though they're now 19 & 16, I still see them as much as any Dad of kids that age would.

Loopy_Girl

How did you get on Tinkerbell?

maryjanethespider

Hey tinkerbelle, i hope it gets sorted soon but please be careful about mentioning solicitors and access, i can remember some quite odd and randoms messages posted by you on another board which you caused quite a bit of concern to other members, mainly for your mental health.

Unfortunatly this may come around to bite you in the bum and may cause concern for your childs welfare.

Tread carefully during this sensetive and tricky time.

maryjanethespider

Another forum in meant not board.

maryjanethespider

Jeesus it was tinkerbelle1983!

Im so sorry for insinuating you were a few letters short of a keyboard, the names looked so similar and both with a young child. Again my appologies

tonerlab

Hi Mary Jane.

Sorry to hear about your situation, my wife walked out on me and my two children last september. The advice you have been given is excellent, but please contact a lawyer. If you receive the child benefit, you will be eligible for Legal Aid and will not have to pay a penny.

Im sure you and your ex have a good relationship in reference to the children, but you need to have a legal footing. If you don't things come around and upset the apple cart when you least need it.

Most solicitors are very sympathetic and can give you advice on other issues you might not have thought about. How about your house, if its dual owned between yourself and your ex, he will eventually want to make a claim for half. Legally lawyers can guarantee (at least 99% of the time) that the house cannot be sold under you by your husband until your children are out of full time education (there are a couple of exceptions to this, this is why you need to talk to a solicitor). Your first consultation will be free (usually around half an hour) and hopefully free after that.

Ask back all those favours that you have done for people in the past, get people helping you, dont turn down family and friends. I hope you get on ok, its hard, I wept tears for a long time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Its hard to believe, but this is where life can begin, not end. LOL X

tonerlab

Sorry, meant to post that reply to tinkerbell. lol x

kelloggs36

tonerlab, it is not true that if a person gets child benefit they will get legal aid. IF she gets income support then that would be true, but child benefit is not means tested, so even royalty get it! Legal aid is means tested.

newnhak

My partner and I have just split up and my friend mentioned 'family mediation' to me. I hadnt heard of it before but basically she used it to help sort out access rights between her and her ex. They're not like a solicitor. I haven't looked yet but she said there are usually a few offering the service in an area - may be a phone call to see how they can help you

HTH