Should I?

pania

hello! and welcome to the boards, welldone for taking such a massive step as posting on here. it shows that you are atleast ready to face up to the situation that you find yourself in so give yourself a good pat on the back.

right, i am going to play devils advocate for which i apologise.

I am in debt, 3 years ago my father and i didn't have a relationship due to my choice of leaving a good career. I lied to my parents about the amount of debt that i was in and pretended that all was fine and dandy. My father eventually managed to find out just how bad the situation was and our relationship deteriorated still further. we have only just this year got back to reasonable talking terms and my being included as part of the family.

When my level of debt was found out my life became unbearable. I was given a loan by my father but every penny i spent was remarked upon and criticised, birthday and christmas presents were met with remarks. I had no financial controla s i was scared of spending money on anything. and i lived away from home!!!! I eventually moved away from my home county to make the break and it is only now that i am starting to become respected as a person by my parents again.

So the moral of the tale. Only you know how your parents will react. if you lie to them and it gets found out will they react much worse than if you are upfront now and tell them?
How much financial control do you think they will exert over you and how will you deal with this? trust me, to buy your mum a present for birthday that you have saved for and have comments thrown at you for it hurts!
If you do not think that you can handle your parents knowing the truth then don't tell them. many will criticise me for this but I would rather my father in particular had never ever known the extent of my debt. we lost our relationship the day he found out.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
P
xxx

judy2357

The car insurance seems a bit high, do you think you could try to bring this down a bit and also maybe you could consider chopping a bit of your grocery bill, I assume you are living alone - its surprising what you can do with eggs minced beef, baked beans, large bag of spuds, pasta, rice & tin tomatoes. Oh I forgot some veg too.

I know this isnt going to solve your immediate problem but every little helps.

You may find that it would not be that much of a surprise to your parents and if any of my children were in this position, I would like to have the opportunity to help even if it was only to cook them a meal now and again even if I couldnt afford to pay off their debts. Good luck!!

Merlot

Pania is right, it could make your relationship far worse than it is now, personally I wouldn't tell them and repay the debts yourself.

Owning a home isn't everything, why are you so determined to do so?

Merlot.x.

dfitps

If I were you I would work really really hard at reducing the debt myself for six months, including budgeting like mad, keeping a detailed spending diary and so on (that you could show parents later). Then even if after those six months the debt isn't down significantly, they'll be able to see you're trying really hard.

Also, if someone wanted to borrow money from me, I don't think I would react well to the idea that they'd borrow money interest free from me while saving up money for themselves. If borrowing money from them would give you left over cash to save then surely you could be using that cash to pay off your debts first, and then if and when you find the right house later on ask for an interest-free loan then for the deposit?

Btw don't count on releasing equity from a house later as who knows if when you've bought a house house prices will even be rising - they might still be dropping, or have gone up and be dropping again.

One thing I think is pretty definite, there's no avoiding the pain barrier of some serious budgeting and sitting down working things out. For instance, work out the interest that will be lost to them if they lend you money - that's cash that they would be giving to you outright (plus any lost bonuses if savings are sitting there maturing somewhere). Show them that you know and appreciate the implications of what you're asking of them, if you do decide to ask for something rather than wait for them to offer.

I sympathise re the coming out thing - I can see how it complicates things. Generally showing how boringly responsible and competent and normal you are may help your parents to keep your debt separate in their minds from their new view of you as their gay son - maybe don't go saying you're in debt because of wild nights out in the village or whatever, even if there's no reason why you shouldn't have done that and a straight son might just as easily have spent his cash on going out! They might even end up seeing helping you sort out cash as a refreshing break from worrying about your love life (which they might well be doing if new to the whole idea). Maybe even say "I'm not asking for your help financially now, but I'd love your support and budget help - I'm going to work bl**dy hard at fixing this, and even if you offer cash I'm going to say no for at least six months while I work at it by myself" - that will impress them more than anything else I should think.

Well done for facing up to all this.

notagoodsituation

I am determined to do so because they want me to - and plus i need my life to have some seurity now..... rather than just feeling like im constantly hanging all the time... x

Merlot

notagoodsituation wrote: »

I am determined to do so because they want me to - and plus i need my life to have some seurity now..... rather than just feeling like im constantly hanging all the time... x

I'm going to say it again "owning a home isn't everything".

Are you due for a pay rise anytime soon? I would consider selling the car and maybe buying one for £1500 less, it would help to reduce your monthly repayments. Your food is a little on the high side, and unless you need the mobile for work, get rid of that too.

You have done a wonderful thing today, you have sought help for your debts and for that I congratulate you, its not an easy thing to face upto, but you have done so.

Are you closer to your mum than your dad? Maybe you could chat to the one you are close too and sound them out regarding debt, don't tell them outright, I know if my son came to me and told me about his debt, I would want to help out, I couldn't repay it for him, but I could offer assistance.

Merlot.x.

notagoodsituation

They only payments on my car are insurance... and it has been subject to some vandalism, some horrible person i didnt give a job too decided to key it all down all sides. Hence huge insurance.

Mobile I don't need for work, but im on a contract and its on the lowest one till the end of the term. it;s only £20 as I have a work phone which i use for everything.....

McKneff

dont ask your parents for money, dont ask them to take out a loan
ask them for advice, let them think about it. if they offer you money
dont take it, let them know that you want to stand on yur own two feet
and take responsibility, if they offer to take out a loan, tell them you want to
think about it. let them think they have done all the brainwork. its all psychology - i know, i was that parent!!!!!!