Please Help!!!

Miss_Ratty

Hi everyone,

I'm sooooo glad I found this place, after reading most other "forums" (or should that be fora?), where you have the usual people with their "well, you shouldn't live beyond your means" etc. comments. I have been in dire financial straits since splitting with my ex partner over a year ago. I followed all of the channels advised by National Debtline and the CCCS etc, and wrote to my creditors explaining my problems, the reasons why they had occurred, and to offer reduced payments and ask for interest to be frozen whilst I got back on my feet. Needless to say I was turned down by three of them, and the forth didn't even acknowledge my letter. So I wrote again and again, and just recieved lots of booklets on "keeping your finances in order" as if to say, this is us trying to say that we've helped, but actually we're not. As well as the threatening letters I received on the consequences of non-payment. Well, until now I have met all my minimum payments. This is because I have had to shuffle them all around on my cards, and it reached crunch point a few weeks ago when I just thought I can't do this anymore.

I called four advisors (including the NDL and CCCS, as well as two recommended by my work), and thier response was all the same. Bankruptcy. This has literally scared the living hell out of me. On reading on here though I can see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. So I have read through all the paperwork, and had to wait an agonising five days to find out if being bankrupt would also cost me my job (I'm police staff). Work have been fab, and confirmed that it won't impact upon me, and have been amazingly supportive. I just feel that there is such a stigma, which is what scares me most. But then I think, rubbish, i'm not the first person, and being in a psychiatric unit carries much more of a stigma (I was in one after the nasty split!) and I told everyone about that.

I'm just really looking for reassurance I guess. I feel lost, wondering when to get all the forms signed off, and worried about what stuff they will take off me. After the split, my ex ran off with pretty much everything I had bought when we set up our home, and I had to go out and buy all these things again. I'm not talking 50" plasmas and that malarky, but I had to buy myself another laptop for work, a tv, microwave etc. as well as put my car (which was his birthday present to me) on my cards. I know maybe what you're thinking (fool/what a scumbag) and that is all correct, and every month when I see my payments coming out, I always think of him somewhere with all the stuff I paid for. I hope my car will be safe (it was £1500), and my laptop as I need them both for work, and to be honest, I don't care what else has to go as long as I can set myself straight. People say "oh how will you live on a basic bank account" etc, and in reality, the last thing I need ever is the ability to spend money I don't have.

I'm really scared about going to court, i'm scared about when the OR asks why I am x amount more in debt since I first highlighted my problems with my creditors. Hopefully they will see from my bank and CC statements that my rent and food has had to go on credit, as well as £1000 for council tax, so its not like I have been going out and buying Jimmy Choos and Armani suits, but still I worry about their reaction. Since last Feb, when everything used to be split down the middle (but my ex had bad credit, so I had to get the cards etc - stupid me), so I have had my payments cut in half. He also got the flat, as I wouldn't have been able to afford it (his parents said they'd help him pay the mortgage), so I had to fork out for a bond on a new place, and well, to cut a long story short, it has just been a downward spiral. I feel guilty that if I go down the BR route (which is my only choice) like its some kind of cop out in a way, and I feel guilty that I borrowed that money, so I should pay every penny back (believe, if I won the lotto tomorrow I would!), but then I look at my credit card statement and I've paid of £200 this month, and been charged £170 interest. Great, for £200 coming out of my account, i'm only paying of £30. And I told them I was having problems after my split and the reasons why, and they upped the limits!!! (needless to say, I didn't use any of them apart from one to get me back on my feet...the others were cut up a long time ago - not that it matters because I managed to dig myself in deeper.

Sorry if I seem like I'm ranting. I'm at a real loose end, facing bankruptcy at 27 and I just feel like I'm so stupid to have let this all happen.

I guess I'm just seeking a bit of reassurance that this isn't the end of everything. Sorry for my ramble!

Dez-Titute

Well Done,MissR and welcome

You got a lot of your chest there hope you feel better.

Going BR is not as scary as you think.You seem to have started to take the advice frrom the debt charities on board and now you need to start planning for BR.

Have you done your Statement of Affairs (income & expenditure) yet, without payments to debts? If you put this up on here then the someone here will be able give further guidance.

Big HUGS

DEz

trulymadlydeeply_indebt!

Hi Miss-Ratty.

Congratulations on your first post - getting started if often the hardest bit.

We've all felt how you do now, believe me, regarding stigma etc., Although your name will go in your local press, it really is a tiny notice so it's very unlikely anyone will see it, rest assured. Another thing to remember is, it's your business, no-one elses, so tell as little people as possible and you've less chance of gossipers having their day at your expense.

It takes a strong person to face facts and accept that things aren't right and then do something about it, so please don't beat yourself up too much. Post any questions/fears here and you'll receive a snippet of people's experiences to make you realise that you're not alone.

Your next step is to contact the Court and find out if you have to make an appointment or is it a drop-in service. Once you have a date, you can then begin work on your forms and start saving your deposit. You can ask the Court to send you the forms if you wish, or alternatively, you can fill them in online and keep saving regularly as you go along.

Chin up - you'll get there.

TMD xx

SuziQ

Don't have any advice as such but just wanted to say Hi,and that BR certainly doesn't have the stigma it used to. If it's the only/best course for you,then as long as you keep your job what does it matter what people think?
As far as I know,your posessions are safe unles really valuable,your car-I think you have to give a good reason and the value will also affect whethe you get to keep it. Look at some of the great BR diaries on here,take the advice from the wonderful guys on here that know everyting you need to know and come on here whenever you need a shoulder.

Best of luck-things can only get better,and you have youth on your side!

Red1708

Hi Miss Ratty and welcome to the forum.

You've made a massive step simply just posting your story here. It took a lot of guts and I hope you've found some sort of relief in writing it all down.

Your story sounds so similar to mine! I was in a disastrous relationship, did a 'flit' in the middle of the night while they were at work and then used credit to start my life again. I was at university at the time and thought that I would get a good job at the end of it and be able to pay everything back. The job didn't happen and before I knew where I was I couldn't juggle my bills any more. Unlike you I buried my head in the sand for at least a year and it just got significantly worse.

Declaring myself BR got rid of my debt but like you I felt a massive sense of guilt. People kept saying to me 'you've got away without paying all that money you should be pleased' but I didn't feel like that. I felt like a failure and felt as though I'd made one of the biggest mess ups possible. BR in itself was fairly straight forward it was me that caused the problems and me that beat myself up about it. Everybody else was very supportive (particularly the splendid people on this forum) they all understood that I'd taken advice and that I was doing the best thing to allow me to move my life forward. It was only me that didn't see it that way and I beat myself up about it so much that I went into a deep depression where by I ended up on a psychiatric ward! As you say that is a huge stigma and I've managed both so I'm sure you can too

You have taken the necessary advice and they have told you the most viable option is BR. Now that you have that advice please don't make the mistake I made and punish yourself for it. BR is nothing to be ashamed of, most people know at least one person who has had to do it and remember that you're doing this to make a better life for yourself. You, your health and happiness are far more important than any money issues!

With regards to the OR asking you those questions, I stated the main reason of my debt being that I had left the family home and used credit to rebuild my life, I was asked to confirm that but other than that it wasn't questioned. There are no guarantees about your car but that can be 'negotiated' and to be honest it is very probable that it is now not worth £1500 and therefore it will be more likely that you will be able to keep it. With regards to the other household items, don't worry they WILL NOT be taken away from you. The OR is only interested in items worth large amounts of money not your usual everyday items.

Keep posting as you see fit and we will all help you in any way we can.

Please feel free to PM me should you wish to talk to somebody privately,

Red xx

dalip

Morn and welcome
You have shared your story so should feel a little better now. The support on this forum is second to none so do not be afraid to ask any question at all,no matter what it's about.

You need to ring your local court to find out what sort of system they operate as a poster the other day could not get in till sept:eek: to file for bc. Also ask how many copies of you statement of affairs(SOA) they need as that too can vary from court to court.
The journey through bc is daughting,scary and for some humiliating but it is worth it to get our lives back on tract. You will be fine with the help from here and by the sounds of it your work too. Take care D

Waspeze

Hi ya...
Well done for getting all that off your chest... hopefully it'll help take a bit of the weight off your shoulders..

As has already been said, ask any question however "silly" it may seem to you.. the chances are it's been asked already and will be asked again and everyone here are always happy to answer

Don't worry about the stigma .. haven't actually noticed it myself but even so you'll be in good company
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=420969&highlight=famous

Gettinghelp

Miss Ratty!
Welcome! Not really much more to say other then to welcome you to the forum and once again feel free to ask any question no matter how silly 'you' think it is, chances are someone is wanting to know the answer to it too!

Let us know how you get on with ringing the courts, and finding out if its a drop in or appointmet system.

My court was a drop in court so i got right onto the forms. Filled them out online and took them along to court, it took 3 days from starting the forms to actually becoming BR it would of took 2 days but once i got to the court i didn't have the correct proof of benefits so i had to return the next day! My OR interview was a few days later.

I won't lie and say i came out of the court feels happy happy happy. i had the guilts and felt very much like a failure. i had to look at it as a new start and a second chance before i started to feel better.

Good luck x

shadowdragon

Welcome to the forums,

Cant say much thats not been posted already, Ive been around here for about a week, and I highly recommend you spend a few hours trawling the forums and reading other peoples experiences, and also how the process works, Its a great resource.

the first thing I did was create a spreadsheet, with my Income and Expenditure and also a list of my Creditors the account numbers and how much you owe them. This will help loads as it is usefull for people such as CCCS/CAB ect, and also its information thats invaluable for the Banckruptcy forums.

Dont be afraid to ask questions you are not judged here, and as long as the information is analymouse e.g dont put your name address, account numbers ect, you get some great advice

Again Welcome aboard

Shadowdragon.

fudge59

Hi,

Just a quick thing - dont worry about using credit to live (i.e. for food)

One of my creditors was John Lewis - which when I looked at my statments, the amount of times Waitrose appeared on there was horrific ... and it was purely because we had no other money for food, so HAD to use it.

Miss_Ratty

Thanks everyone. This place is amazing, and it has helped me feel less alone!!

I've posted below my statement of accounts as mentioned earlier.

Income (take home)1396National Insurance147.29Tax290.4Pension132.41Student Loan70Rent365Council Tax73TV Licence12Water0Electricity21Gas0Contents Insurance15Motor Insurance62Road Tax10Breakdown Cover5Satellite TV19Meals at Work35Tobacco85Food, toiletries, cleaning200Clothing & Footwear25Telephone, mobile & internet60Medicines/Prescriptions0Dentists/Optitians25Fuel & Parking160Vehicle spares & servicing20Hairdressing10Pets/pet food/insurance25Entertainment30Sundries/emergencies25Outgoings1282HSBC Loan195.16HSBC Credit Card187.15Egg Credit Card81.49Virgin Credit Card70Creditors533.8Monthly debit-533.8

My pension comes out before I get paid, as its a local government one, so I don't know if that counts as spending or not. Thanks again everyone. I'm going to ring the courts today and find out everything. I keep wondering if I should wait and think about things a wee bit more, but like the lady said to me on the phone that unless I win the lottery (which is very highly unlikely!) things won't be changing and each month I'll be getting more and more in debt.

My debts are approx: £9,000 on a HSBC loan, £7,300 on a HSBC credit card, £4,900 on an Egg card, and £10,000 (eek!) on a Virgin credit card.

Thanks again everyone. x