Need some help/support & advice

dottyanne

Need some help/advise and support if possibkle and probably a kick up the rear end.

As some of you golden oldies on here will know ive been on and off with my debt diary - thing is tghings are slipping back to the bad old days and i need some help and advice.

We have a lot of outgoings - both on good wages now but they are commission bases so can fluctuate each month by £100's of pounds some month - I know i should work out a budget on the minimum we would bring home but I also feel my tax credits will be reduced once i submit my annual declaration and if i dont hit a certain amunt of commission in mine and hubbys wages we are in the doo doo.

TBH quote a few of our outgoings and commitments end in 09/10 but i dont know how were gonna cope till then

Ive let the whole family down again due to my rash behaviour in booking a aholday we couldnt afford and practically skinning us for months now. Im so stupid and need to get organised.

I have done a budget but cant seem to put the money to one side that i should - thus no savings in advance for things like car tax etc - need some help - can anyone help me?

rubydoiwannabee

Hi, I am a relative newbie but just want to say please don't be so hard on yourself. We all make financial mistakes and sometimes we throw caution to the wind because otherwise it feels like one hell of a hard slog and no fun. Life is for living, pick yourself up and with the help of so many experts on here make a plan. I always feel better with a plan....

dottyanne

thanks ruby.... - thing is ive supposedly had my lightbulb moment like 2 years ago and i dont feel any better off - im doing the same stupid things and spending more money that i can afford - it affects the whole family when i make stupid selfish decisions = feel wholly responsible as im the one whos supposed to sort the monye out - great job im doing not!

rubydoiwannabee

I have that role in our family as well and it can be a very lonely place can't it? Recently I have had to force my OH to sit down and face up to things with me and although we haven't yet made any big changes I do feel the fact that we are united has helped me. Is your OH looking at I&E, worrying about spending small amounts etc. as well as you?

dottyanne

he is to a certain extent but to be honest i can be my own worst enemy - i tend to keep reminders and stuff from him where possible - dont ask me why im so secretive - i suppose i dont want him to see me as a big failiure.. doesnt make any sense i know as they are our bills, debts etc but thats how ive always been - i seem to prefer to shoulder all the responsibility myself and it can be very stressful at times.

He does know the extent of our debt and we havent taken any more on apart from a car loan which was necessary as we both work in different areas with no other way of getting to work.

Just all the outgoings are pretty high and income fluctuates and as i said im starting to worry more and more coz things will get really tight when tax credits are reduced.

dottyanne

bumpety bump ;-)

Shineyhappy

Hi Dotty,

I know some posters keep a whiteboard of all info including their SOA and debts and payments made. Maybe that would help make you keep everything in the open and get your OH more involved?

I cant budget in advance for things but thankfully with having a lodger it meant that his money was only for debt overpayments or insurances/MOT .

I think you need to discuss things more with your OH.

dottyanne

Hi yes I have from time to time sat down and 'updated' him since the old lightbulb moment and im sure weve made inroads into the debts, however, i feel that im at fault as im the one who takes the reins and have been stupid with the money we do have/did havve available - like committing to a holiday because i wanted one and now ive skint us for the forseable future :-(

He doesnt spend much money himself and i have control over the pursestrings.

OberonSH

Oh dots, you're not a failure woman!!

{slapslapslapslap} That's for being hysterical female.

Calm yourself lady. I know how you feel - the £20k we now have is all mine, and I know his mum is not happy I've burdened her boy with a debt. It's hard but you can't do it alone. You didn;t get there alone, did you?

My advice would be to sit down, and do a proper, week by week (if ness) budget, that takes into account when money comes in. Worry about tax credit drpping when that happens. Revise every week if you need to. You need to get a handle on it love. You say you've slipping into Overspend again? Can you put a finger on how you do that? If you can, you can work out how to stop it. Leave the cards at home if you know you don't need to buy anything that day.

The holiday might have been an overspend, but you do sound like you need it. Don't forget - you have variable income - you might have less some months, but you also might have more some times!! You need to just get a bit more organised.

I have a week by week budget sheet - The Fran Plan - as we have money coming in at odd times - some monehtly, some weekly, some 4 weekly. PM me an email addy if you want a copy.

Get a cup of tea, and take some breaths. You're doing okay, if you let yourself believe it. You just need to get organised. It's a pain in the butt, but you need to do it. Chin up love, you're not a failure, and I bet Mr Dots doesn't think that either. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Mr Obi gets subjected to every change in my mood lol.

dancingfairy

I don't see how you can have failed. You get into debt, you learned loads of stuff and started getting out of debt, you came across something you hadn't come across before or had forgotten, you know now and are getting back on track.
What's different is you know you are getting into debt again and are taking steps before it gets too far.
I don't know how old you are but I bet you spent far more years in debt and getting into debt than you have been trying to get on top of it. It is a skill that takes practice. It's not a one time cure all - never get in debt again journey it's full of hills and ditches.

Do a plan for now - going on your min wages and see if you can afford your outgoings - then when you have a clearer idea of where you are you might be able to see the tax credit issue more clearly.

Good Luck.
df

dottyanne

Thank you Obi and dancingfairy - i know your both right and im just having a major case of feeling sorry for myself!
Ive already PM'd Obi for a copy of her sheet - that girls a whizzkid and soooo organised - im worrying myself sick again im afraid and going back into hybernation mode as in avoiding the conversation with OH rather than confronting it - I laways feel like I can sort it myself and usually do!
I know it's prob not as bad as i think but Obi's right i need to get serioulsy organised!