Please help/advise. Anyone? :'( So stuck.

MummyToTwo_4

Hello everyone.

I hope someone can advse me as to where to go from here; here's my situation.

My DP (or not) and I have basically split up. We have 2 children together, rent a house privately (my house is on the tenancy) and I have no clue what to do now.

I do not work, my ex-DP works 40 hours a week. I can no longer live here, its just not working. I have the option to go live with my Father, 50 miles away. However, this would not/could not be a permanent fixture. What on earth do I do?? :'(
Obviously, this also means I have no funds to support myself or my children. My ex-DP has agreed to pay me £25 a week towards the children, and to pay for anything they need, as and when they need it. How do I go about claiming benefits?What am I entitled to?

I am dying to get on my own 2 feet and support myself and my children, without the governments help, but for now its not do-able.

Please help. My head is one big fizz right now. I need to get out of here, its not a happy place to be

Thank you so much to anyone who can advise.

dmg24

Hi MummytoTwo,

Welcome to MSE.

Would it not be possible for him to leave the property? It does seem very unfair for you and the children to have to move.

The first thing you need to sort out is your housing situation. Your options are living with your Dad and putting yourself on the waiting list for a council/ housing association, declaring yourself as homeless and trying to get emergency accom with the council (the accom provided is unlikely to be ideal), or finding a private let.

In terms of benefits, once you have moved out of the current property, you will be eligible for Income Support and Child Tax Credits, as well as Local Housing Allowance and Council Tax Benefit.

I think you need to call your council housing office tomorrow, who can give you an indication of what may (or may not) be available to you.

Good luck hun, anything else you want to ask, we'll do what we can to help x

MummyToTwo_4

Thank you so, so much for your reply!!

The house ex-DP is in/I was in, is by private let. The agents wanted ;professional' tenants only. And with me being in reciept of housing benefit (prospectively), and ex-DP coming off of the tenancy, I do not think it would be 'allowed'. Also, ex-DPs Father is gurantoor on the house, and OH would be left with nowhere to live, and unable to private let as he has noone else to act as gurantoor. I have noone to act for gurantoor for me either, so ex-Dp's father coming off of the gurantoor is not an option either. Its all such a muddle!

I have nobody here, I don't know anybody apart from ex-DP. My 'home' is 50 miles away, and I'd really like to/need to be back in my area, especially with a newborn baby. My youngest is just 2 weeks old...which also means, that as much as I want to, working is not an option yet either. I am breastfeeding and feel that 2 weeks is just too soon to be leaving my baby. Please understand,, I'm not making excuses not to fund myself and my children. I know how judgmental society can be, and it is a great fear of mine that I will be judged. At the moment, I have more important things to worry about. But I do have plans to return to work when I am settled which will (hopefully) be in the near future.
I have heard of a scheme, whereby the council pay a deposit on a private let house- does anyone have any more information on this please?

Sorry if this post is muddled and confusing- a bit like the contents of my mind right now. Lol.



Many thanks again.

xxxx

lil_me

As the tenancy is in your name, he'd need to completely renew the tenancy to stay. You could contact the landlord and ask what they suggest.

If you contact your local councils housing benefit office (where you want to move to) they would be able to advise you if they offer a scheme for deposits, I know they don't do them where we live but a few areas do. Getting yourself on the council property asap would be a good idea.

You would need to look into how much rent is where you wish to move to and what the LHA would be as you may end up with a shortfall to pay. Unfortunately many landlords do refuse those who are on benefits.

SuziQ

Hi Mummy to two,I don't really have any advice for you but just wanted to say Hi and hang on in there! I split with my partner back in April,have 3 kids and it is daunting,but once you make your mind up and do something-in your case get your benefits sorted for a start-you will feel so much better and in control.
I fully intend getting a job-my children are older than yours,though the youngest is special needs,but I just know that things have to be better than they were for me,and as you obviously weren't happy they will be for you too.

Get yourself an appointment with a lone parent advisor at the jobcentre-the one I saw was FANTASTIC and had so many great ideas whilst telling me to slow down and not take just any old job,to make sure it was a long term prospect,enough to support us etc.
I consider myself reasonably intelligent but splitting up left me feeling brainless-getting the right advice,and picking up so much great advice on here re budgeting etc-has absolutely turned things around for me.You will also find this place a great source of new-if cyber-friends,ad there are lots of stimulating (if at times heated!)discussions and funny bits and pieces too.

Keep posting and the advice will flow in for you.

All the best,Sue.

SuziQ

OOh I also meant to say: your youngest is so very young. Are you sure that things can't be sorted with DP,as this is such a stressful time and you must both be under intense pressure? Just a thought.
And don't worry about being judged on here-the vast majority of folk on here are fantastic,many are in the same 'boat' so to speak. Every so often you will find someone being nasty,but they are few and far between and generally get shouted down-the whole premise of this site is that it should not be judgemental.

alison999

i wouldnt recommened working when you have a 2 week old, even if you thought you could. your hormones are everywhere and with this extra stress you dont need to be worrying about work as well

MummyToTwo_4

Wow, thank you so much for the advice/support. It makes a huge difference, just knowing there are people in the same/similar situation.

How do I go about seeing a lone parent advisor?I am going to be moving in with my Dad this weekend so I assume I'd need to contact the Jobcentre office near him?? What's the process from there?Meetings etc?

I have not yet registered my baby, so am unable to claim Child Benefit for him yet, or Tax Credits. My renewal is due soon though, should I wait until I have registered him and applied for CB before renewing??

I feel so sad today, Ive bought my special little baby into this muddle. Its just not fair. I never asked for this. There is no way things can be worked out. Far too much has gone on. (Thats a whole 'nother thread )

I guess once I'm at my Dads, I'll have to apply for social housing. He's not too happy with the situation tbh, but what else can I do??

I'm so worried about how I'm going to support my children; can anyone tell me how they get by?How do you manage?

Thank you so much again everybody.

xxx

What a mess. :'''(

Mips

MummyToTwo wrote: »

Wow, thank you so much for the advice/support. It makes a huge difference, just knowing there are people in the same/similar situation.

How do I go about seeing a lone parent advisor?I am going to be moving in with my Dad this weekend so I assume I'd need to contact the Jobcentre office near him?? What's the process from there?Meetings etc?

I have not yet registered my baby, so am unable to claim Child Benefit for him yet, or Tax Credits. My renewal is due soon though, should I wait until I have registered him and applied for CB before renewing??

I feel so sad today, Ive bought my special little baby into this muddle. Its just not fair. I never asked for this. There is no way things can be worked out. Far too much has gone on. (Thats a whole 'nother thread )

I guess once I'm at my Dads, I'll have to apply for social housing. He's not too happy with the situation tbh, but what else can I do??

I'm so worried about how I'm going to support my children; can anyone tell me how they get by?How do you manage?

Thank you so much again everybody.

xxx

What a mess. :'''(

I have no advice to offer regarding benefits, I am sure you will be fine though and entitled to all of the Single Mum benefits

The main thing is, just stay strong for your little ones and try not to worry about too much - I certainly wouldn't consider working now, not with a 2 week old, a relationship split and uncertainty about the future.

Good luck

SuziQ

MTT, hi again, as I said I am also fairly new to this situation but manage? You have to! I have had a blow today as I have been trying to sort out a claim to cover my barclayloan which is a whopping £250 a month. The DSS were supposed to be filling the form in and returning it to me,but appear to have lost it. Barclayloan have said I will lose this months entitlement now as by the time I get a new form filled in by me ex boss and they have had the form at DSS and hopefully returned it to me this time it will be too late for June. So that's more money I have to find,but I haven't got any choice really.

Budgeting for the groceries really gives me a kick though. I know we are eating better than we ever did before all this because I am using all the different recipes on old style,far more variety than we used to have,plus I am cooking from scratch. Tonight-quorn curry!(it's my birthday so may splash out and buy some naan bread to go with it!)

Emotionally you just have to tell yourself you are doing the right thing. I write lots of lists and am keeping a journal,so I get my thoughts down but don't burden my older kids too much.


When you go to the benefits office,as a single mum you will automatically be offered an appointment with the lone parent advisor. You have such a young baby-you need to slow down slightly and recover from the birth etc before jumping in,all guns blazing!You are bound to feel very emotional at the mo with all your hormones whizzing round.

As for your ex DP.I'm afraid he's in for a bit of a rude awakening. Rather than him 'agreeing' to give you £25 a week etc,once you are on benefits the CSA will immediately wade in and demand to know his earnings etc. They will decide how much he needs to pay-which will be a lot more than £25 I'm afraid for 3 children!- but you won't recieve it,as they will take his money as a contribution towards the support you will be recieving from the govt. Once you have applied you have to take advice (there are lots of people on here who work for benefits who can advise you better than me) as anything you recieve can affect your benefit. I have been told the only money I can recieve directly from my ex which doesn't affect my benefit is his share of the mortgage-though I have as much chance of him paying that as I have of holidaying in barbados this year!

MummyToTwo_4

SuziQ wrote: »

MTT, hi again, as I said I am also fairly new to this situation but manage? You have to! I have had a blow today as I have been trying to sort out a claim to cover my barclayloan which is a whopping £250 a month. The DSS were supposed to be filling the form in and returning it to me,but appear to have lost it. Barclayloan have said I will lose this months entitlement now as by the time I get a new form filled in by me ex boss and they have had the form at DSS and hopefully returned it to me this time it will be too late for June. So that's more money I have to find,but I haven't got any choice really.

Budgeting for the groceries really gives me a kick though. I know we are eating better than we ever did before all this because I am using all the different recipes on old style,far more variety than we used to have,plus I am cooking from scratch. Tonight-quorn curry!(it's my birthday so may splash out and buy some naan bread to go with it!)

Emotionally you just have to tell yourself you are doing the right thing. I write lots of lists and am keeping a journal,so I get my thoughts down but don't burden my older kids too much.


When you go to the benefits office,as a single mum you will automatically be offered an appointment with the lone parent advisor. You have such a young baby-you need to slow down slightly and recover from the birth etc before jumping in,all guns blazing!You are bound to feel very emotional at the mo with all your hormones whizzing round.

As for your ex DP.I'm afraid he's in for a bit of a rude awakening. Rather than him 'agreeing' to give you £25 a week etc,once you are on benefits the CSA will immediately wade in and demand to know his earnings etc. They will decide how much he needs to pay-which will be a lot more than £25 I'm afraid for 3 children!- but you won't recieve it,as they will take his money as a contribution towards the support you will be recieving from the govt. Once you have applied you have to take advice (there are lots of people on here who work for benefits who can advise you better than me) as anything you recieve can affect your benefit. I have been told the only money I can recieve directly from my ex which doesn't affect my benefit is his share of the mortgage-though I have as much chance of him paying that as I have of holidaying in barbados this year!

Oh blimey hun- I'm sorry. Grrr. And ~Happy Birthday~. Make sure you treat your self some way today!:)

Regarding th £25 a week- I have been told by third parties that I don't have to go through CSA, is this correct?But if I come to a private arrangment, then I cannot claim Income Support? Sorry, I don't know how right that is..?? I thought £25 a week was generous haha, so now you've mentioned it, I'll ask him to delve a bit deeper. I know he will- I'll give him credit, where the children are concerned he has been great. Shame about the rest....

I've just been 'packing' some bits together,it makes it so real and its *ucking hard. :'( :@ ARGH!

I'll be fine...I'll be fine...I don't need him...But my children need me.... I'M A SURVIVOR!

xxxxx