Just looking for some advice

Lizzybop

Not too sure where to start.....

Am happily married with 2 lovely children. Last year decided that we would try to have another baby. Got pregnant, but at first scan something was 'wrong'. Two weeks and various diagnostic tests later very severe disability diagnosed, and we took the decision not to carry on. (We didn't do this lightly)

Have been advised to give it time before trying again, but just not sure. I'm not getting any younger and now I'm the wrong side of 35 time isn't on my side. Last year used to try and think how I might feel in 10 years time - when it really would be too late - and would we regret not having more children. THEN the answer was yes, hence trying. But now I'm not so sure.

Am scared that the same or similar situation could happen again

Have been speaking to the Doc ref contraception and am too old (and too fat) to carry on with the pill. (I think I've taken this quite hard - the old and fat bit - I know I can't do anything about my age and I'm working on the other, but still.........) So this has bought up the subject of the 'snip'. This would obviously put an end to any more babies!

As our other children (3 & 5) grow, I feel that our house isn't big enough (3 bed) I know that saying you can't afford it or don't have space shouldn't be an overriding factor - but it bothers me.

I guess I'm just looking to see what some others think about this situation. Does any one have any advice - a different point of view - your thoughts. I know that ultimately we have to make some decisions, but canvassing opinion might give us some food for thought.
Thank you

miserly_mum

I had my last little boy(now 2 and 1/2) when I was 38. He was a healthy 9lb 3oz and although not planned has enriched my life no end.

Don't assume what happened with your last pregnancy was necessarilly age related. I have a very good friend who had a Downs Syndrome baby at just 19 so it can happen to anyone.

As for the pill, i'm 41 and a Big Girl too( although I don't smoke) and my GP is quite happy to carry on prescribing me the pill but a Progesterone only one, to lower risks of clots and DVT's etc

Please don't consider the snip unless you are absolutely sure you don't want another baby. Broodiness has a way of biting you on the bum when you least expect it.

Alikay

I agree with MM that the snip isn't an option if there's any chance you might want more children. We waited until we could say that even if we won the lottery and all our extended family moved neared for babysitting support we STILL wouldn't want more kids. Despite that, it still felt weird afterwards not having the choice anymore!!

Ther are other contraceptive options, and if you're a little undecided anyway, maybe a failure of the cap/condom wouldn't be a disaster: Not advocating carelessness, just saying that the possibility of a suprise baby may be better for you than a sterilization you may come to regret.

Oldernotwiser

I think that you're very sensible for considering the space and the financial factors. Too many people on here say - go on, have another baby if you feel like it! Suppose you have a third child and then feel broody again...and again..? Be happy with what you've got now.

clairg_2

I can't take the pill due to migraines, we used condoms between babies and decided after alot of thought that no more babies was the route for us, as i conceived 1st time trying with both of ours we knew we had to be careful and didn't want to be "careful" for the rest of my conceiving life!! my hubbie had the snip and said it was the most painful thing he's had done in his life but then he's not given birth LOL!!:rotfl: after he had it done i had a couple of 2nd thoughts (i'm very child orintated and love babies) after his 1st set of results came back that all the swimmers weren't gone and we might still be able to conceive i had a preg scare and it put it all in to prospective, a new baby not sleeping through the night, weening, pottying training, all the baby stuff i got rid of having to re buy, the cost and i'd just started to get a bit of my life back, for me my period was one of the best things that happened that month, now i look after the babies at work and give them back at the end of the day.

i love my children but 2 is the right number for us, but not for everyone, don't let pass events put you off having more if it's the right thing for you both, the snip is a serious contracepive and shouldn't be taken lightly as chances are it can't be reversed,but now we know we won't have any surprises:p

Good luck xx

ChasingButterflies

Hi there,

I would whole-heartedly agree with miserlymums sentiments... especially about having the snip if you are not 100% sure.

There are older threads which might give you different views

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=764629&highlight=want+another+baby is just one of them.

Don't push yourself into anything worrying about "time" Sometimes you just need to think about other things to be able to realise what is important to you (I am not sure that makes any sense at all ) What I mean is sometimes you can over think things (I know I do :rolleyes: ) You have been through a lot just recently and maybe what you need is some time to regroup (sorry I cannot think of a better way to put that) before you put pressure on yourself to make major decisions?

(hugs)

galvanizersbaby

Hi Lizzybop

I'm so sorry to hear about your last pregnancy, I can't imagine how you must be feeling - I'm unsure of why you were told to wait before concieving again (possibly for emotional reasons?) and can understand why you would be scared the same thing would happen again but I guess only you know when the time is right and it sounds as though you could be sufficently recovered enough emotionally to think about another baby?
Re the financial aspect, most people I know with 3 children have a 3 bed house so on the surface it doesn't sound as though you will have a big struggle for space.

I think it is more important to make sure you feel emotionally ready to try for another baby - only you will be able to make that decision x

Merlot

clairg wrote: »

the snip is a serious contracepive and shouldn't be taken lightly as chances are it can't be reversed,but now we know we won't have any surprises:p

Good luck xx

Sorry, but it can be reversed at your own expense not on the NHS, my neighbours second husband has just had a reversal, cost £3000 approx. (no guarantees it will work mind you).

Lizzybop

Thanks for all your replies.

It's not long till my 'due date', which also happens to be around my birthday, so I'm guessing I'm a bit emotional. It was all going to be so perfect. I was going to have a summer baby - which I wanted. My husband started a new job so I was going to be able to go on Maternity leave from my part time job (which I didn't like much), knowing I wouldn't have to go back. Life isn't always perfect though.

The Doc did mention about the progesterone only pill, and implants, but i'm not keen on either of these. Condoms maybe, but you need a bit of discipline.

I read the thread suggested by ChasingButterflies about reasons for having (or not having) a third child, but I just don't know.

Thanks for all your thoughts & suggestions
x

clairg_2

Sorry thats what i ment it can't always be reversed and th NHS an't gonna help expensive if you've not thought it through.

clairg_2

Sounds like your still grieving for your baby, and now may not be the time to be making long term contraceptive decisions, i have friends who have lost their babies through various reasons and they always find the time around their due dates hard, do you have a local family planning clinic that may be able to offer you other contracpetion until your in the right frame of mind to decide if you want more children or not. sending hugs and thinking of you x