Partners Debt

Staciep88

Afternoon everyone,

I'm sure theres going to be loadsa different opinions to this one so I will look forward to them all, all advice welcomed :rolleyes:

My partner and I have been together for 2.5 years and he owes £4500 on 2 credit cards which most of that he owed before I knew him. We are hoping to start trying for a baby this time next year and obviously don't want to start a family whilst in debt.

I have sat down and worked out that it will take him a min 15 months to pay that off as he also has the outgoings of £219 a month on a loan for a car (which he no longer has!) but that will be payed for in 6 months time anyway.

So I have been thinking that even though the debt is his would I be a 'Mug' for helping him to pay it back. Money wise - I can, I don't have alot of outgoings and I could afford to help him out at £300 a month, making all his debts paid for in about 8 - 10 months.

The only reason I want to help out is I find that debt puts a strain on the relationship and as mentioned before I really want to start a family.

Please let me know what you think

Stacey xx

Shineyhappy

Has he run up any debt whilst you have been together? Do you think he has learnt his lesson about money now?

Whilst I think lending family money can be a bad idea, it can also really help if the person has learnt their lesson. Have you sat down and gone through his budget with him?

Staciep88

Shineyhappy wrote: »

Has he run up any debt whilst you have been together? Do you think he has learnt his lesson about money now?

Whilst I think lending family money can be a bad idea, it can also really help if the person has learnt their lesson. Have you sat down and gone through his budget with him?

Yes I have worked it all out and shown him and we both know that he is going to struggle. I do think he has learnt his lesson yes. He may have put a bit more on the credit cards whilst being with me but no more than £500. I feel that I shouldnt pay it but then I feel that I want to help him, and help us!

Shineyhappy

The trouble is what happens when he puts 500 pounds on a card and money is that much tighter when the baby comes along?

What about having a look at the dfw board and thinking about you and your OH signing up to a challenge to raise some cash to bring forward his debt free date?

You could always save for baby things whilst he is paying off his debts.

Incisor

Staciep88 wrote: »

Yes I have worked it all out and shown him and we both know that he is going to struggle. I do think he has learnt his lesson yes. He may have put a bit more on the credit cards whilst being with me but no more than £500. I feel that I shouldnt pay it but then I feel that I want to help him, and help us!

Set a challenge, to get that £500 off and knock it down by a further £500, based on todays outstanding amount. It's not looking good at the moment, if the balance is creeping up, and you need to see it go the other way, before climbing fully in to bed ...

belfastgirl23

Have you offered to help already? If not, I agree with the poster above, start putting your money into savings and let him get on with paying off the debts himself. If he shows real commitment then you can use your money to help him finish paying off early. If not, you'll at least have a nest egg for yourself.

Personally I wouldn't be inclined to make it too easy for him, I think you learn a lot more through a bit of suffering. And for myself, before having any children I'd want to know for sure that he'd learned that particular lesson, and as far as I'm concerned you can only tell by doing.

But you'll know your own situation best. Good luck.

Staciep88

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Have you offered to help already? If not, I agree with the poster above, start putting your money into savings and let him get on with paying off the debts himself. If he shows real commitment then you can use your money to help him finish paying off early. If not, you'll at least have a nest egg for yourself.

Personally I wouldn't be inclined to make it too easy for him, I think you learn a lot more through a bit of suffering. And for myself, before having any children I'd want to know for sure that he'd learned that particular lesson, and as far as I'm concerned you can only tell by doing.

But you'll know your own situation best. Good luck.

Thank you for that, I have been saving up and buying a few bits along the way to make it easier for us when the time comes. The only reason I asked was as my family are very 'particular' if you know what I mean... they would feel a lot at ease if they knew OH didnt owe any money so that we could give our baby the best possible (I'm trying to word this as my parents would) but I hope you can understand, that I just wanted everything to be cleared before we start! Thanks for everyones comments

Stacey xx

choccybuttons

Hi

My OH had debts when we got together, which initially I didnt know about, it was about 5000. Since we live together, we were a partnership. So we sat down and worked out repayment plan. He cut up all his credit cards and swore to me he wouldnt get any credit without discussing it first.

He then paid most of his wages into his debts each month and I paid for food and the household bills. He only left himself about 20.00 a week for ciggys and treats.

We did it this way so he was reponsible for paying off his own debt in a round about way even though I kept him.

Now we are married we still dont have joint finances and I take care of everything financial as thats where my strengths lie.

Staciep88

choccybuttons wrote: »

Hi

My OH had debts when we got together, which initially I didnt know about, it was about 5000. Since we live together, we were a partnership. So we sat down and worked out repayment plan. He cut up all his credit cards and swore to me he wouldnt get any credit without discussing it first.

He then paid most of his wages into his debts each month and I paid for food and the household bills. He only left himself about 20.00 a week for ciggys and treats.

We did it this way so he was reponsible for paying off his own debt in a round about way even though I kept him.

Now we are married we still dont have joint finances and I take care of everything financial as thats where my strengths lie.

Thats really good to hear! We have sat down and worked it out and thats what we do now, We both pay our rent (which inc. most bills) but i then pay for the phone bill, and food bills etc. I just want the debt gone, but hearing that from you is really good - if you can do it, we should be able to manage. xx

pinkshoes

If you're going to help him out financially, I would recommend that he agrees to you taking over ALL the finances. If you're thinking about having a baby together, then this shouldn't be a problem!

Take all his credit cards and cash cards off him, and ask him to work out how much cash he needs each week, which you then give him, and NO MORE. This way he'll learn to survive on the minimum whilst his debt is paid off, then when he's debt free, he will have a much better idea of the value of money and how NOT to get into debt again.

If you EVER find out that he's taken out another credit card, make it very clear that you will consider leaving him, as this is a massive betrayal of trust.

Financial compatibility is SO important in a relationship, and it's amazing how many relationships break down due to the lack of financial compatibility.

Staciep88

pinkshoes wrote: »

If you're going to help him out financially, I would recommend that he agrees to you taking over ALL the finances. If you're thinking about having a baby together, then this shouldn't be a problem!

Take all his credit cards and cash cards off him, and ask him to work out how much cash he needs each week, which you then give him, and NO MORE. This way he'll learn to survive on the minimum whilst his debt is paid off, then when he's debt free, he will have a much better idea of the value of money and how NOT to get into debt again.

If you EVER find out that he's taken out another credit card, make it very clear that you will consider leaving him, as this is a massive betrayal of trust.

Financial compatibility is SO important in a relationship, and it's amazing how many relationships break down due to the lack of financial compatibility.

Also, another a good idea! Thanks x