partner is getting me into debt

lilmissclass

hi,
I have never been cash savy and had dipped in and out of my 1000 overdraft before i met my partner.

I lived in england it was expensive compared to my northern irish roots.

After a few months I moved home, to be with him and as I was homesick. My overdraft had to be increased for dental work. But now that we live together - in his house, I feel like I am paying for everything. He told me I would be well off- - just paying for electric/gas/food/sky and he would take care of the mortgage.

He has 2 kids who stay with us half the week. I love them millions and they do me too.

Now I see unpaid bills coming in all the time, he has admitted he is 20k in debt, but dismisses the letters saying there is no problem. I pay the gas/food/electric/sky plus half the mortgage (since the start) and he has frequently asked me for money for himself.

I love him to death, but this bit is straining me financially - I am at the limit of my 2000 overdraft. And I also find it tricky because I have never financially supported anyone, and always been in either a 50/50 relationship.


Part of me feels like the man should support me, or at least we should be equal.
Dont get me wrong, Im not perfect, and he puts up with me. We love each ther, but I dont know what to think about our domestic/financial situation.

belfastgirl23

There are a few different issues here. First and foremost though is the lack of communication between you and your DP. Does he know that you are financially strained? Have you ever sat down and talked about money? Have you got any kind of joint account or do you think of your money as seperate?

Anyway I guess I think you have got to sit down and talk about this properly
I'd suggest that you focus on you rather than him - you've been feeling worried, you need more security, you want to feel the future is secure for his children. I'd say don't force it but let it settle and set a date to talk about it again. Try to encourage him to get there himself.

BTW is the problem spending too much (recklessly) or is it not earning enough? Two very different questions with quite different solutions.

But also finally to say chin up. Identifying the problem is the first step towards solving it. Good luck.