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Help please - relationship breakdown

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
11 replies 9.9K views
tightasafishtightasafish Forumite
25 posts
Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker First Post
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
I am currently struggling to come to terms with my long term partner walking out on me, but need to gather my thoughts and face the harsh financial realities. Any help would be most gratefully received.

CAR: Worth £5k, still owing £10k, payments £400/mth. Debt in my name only
HOUSE: Worth £90k (if it will sell), outstanding mortgage £83k, payments £400/mth. Mortgage in joint names.
NETT INCOME: £1k/mth

It doesn't take a genius to see that I can't afford to meet these commitments on my own and my (non spouse, but long term ex) partner refuses to play ball in any form, has moved out and stopped all payment contributions.

I need to get a grip quickly but don't know where to start.I want to keep my home but I would give back car to finance company if I could, I need advice how to do this, if infact I can ,and what would be the consequences.

Thanks in advance.

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Replies

  • LilacPixieLilacPixie Forumite
    8.1K posts
    ✭✭✭✭
    dig out the HP agreement on the car and read the T&C's many allow you to hand the car back after a certain % has been paid. Its usually 50% but check your documents.
    MF aim 10th December 2020 :j:eek:
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  • OberonSHOberonSH Forumite
    1.8K posts
    First off I think you need to do a full SOA, so we can see if there's a way of sorting out enough to pay everything. Don't forget now you're on your own you qualify for a counil tax reduction, so get that in ASAP to start getting the bills down.

    Don;t forget to pu the APRs of everything. As for the mortgage, has the ex mentioned what s/he wants to do about the house?

    And don't forget to keep your head held high. You can do this on your lonesome - it's not going to be a walk in the park to start with, but soon you'll be happier and more self confident knowing you sorted your life out by yourself.
    This year I'm getting organised once and for all, and going to buy a house with my wonderful other half. And that' s final!

    Current Pay Off Target : £1500 :mad:
  • I am currently struggling to come to terms with my long term partner walking out on me, but need to gather my thoughts and face the harsh financial realities. Any help would be most gratefully received.

    CAR: Worth £5k, still owing £10k, payments £400/mth. Debt in my name only
    HOUSE: Worth £90k (if it will sell), outstanding mortgage £83k, payments £400/mth. Mortgage in joint names.
    NETT INCOME: £1k/mth

    It doesn't take a genius to see that I can't afford to meet these commitments on my own and my (non spouse, but long term ex) partner refuses to play ball in any form, has moved out and stopped all payment contributions.

    I need to get a grip quickly but don't know where to start.I want to keep my home but I would give back car to finance company if I could, I need advice how to do this, if infact I can ,and what would be the consequences.

    Thanks in advance.

    OK bite size chunks! Can't help with everything but here's some thoughts!

    First of all, the house! Keep his/her name on the mortgage so if things get really bad he/she will be chased too! Firstly, are you on repayment or interest only? If repayment, try to switch to interest only, if only for a short time whilst you sort yourself out.

    Secondly, how about taking in a lodger. I forget the amount, but you can rent a room for around £4k a year without incurring any tax liability. Also you have more protection as a live in landlord than you would have if you let the house.

    Thirdly, the car. Is it on an HP agreement? Can you look at the agreement and see if there is a voluntary termination clause? If so you can usually give the car back after half the amount has been paid. Is this a possibility?

    A few things to think about until someone else comes along with other suggestions or better ideas.

    You are not alone!
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  • RASRAS Forumite
    28.5K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    Is your house 2 bed? Can you get a lodger? This is tax-free as long as the monthly income is less than £370 ish per month.

    Given that your ex is being difficult and the housing market is ot good this might give you some leeway to negoitiate the sale and division of assets.

    Does s/he realise that if the house goes belly-up then his credit record is wrecked?

    Do you have any joint accounts? The banks will not let you close them, but you must write tonight to tell them that all future debits must be signed for by both parties. Otherwise s/he could not only clear the account but run up ODs etc.

    Get yourself a new sole bank account if you do not have one.

    And talk to one of the debt charities about how to handle the situation, see here http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan#help
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • jorichstejorichste Forumite
    240 posts
    and don't forget to look after yourself emotionally xx
  • A friend of mine is going through something similar at the mo where her husband stopped paying the mortgage etc. She contacted the mortgage company and because his name is on the mortgage they bill him for 50% and her for 50%. So, contact the mortgage company you should be able to halve your payment until sold.
    Wow, I got 3 *, when did that happen :j:T:p
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  • djr_foxdjr_fox Forumite
    13 posts
    Good morning Tighasafish,

    I work for a finance company who deal with Hp deals. Usually as per the others have said, you can return the vehicle under the 1/2s and 1/3s rule. For Example, if you have paid over 1/2 then you can return the vehicle without having to make any more payments. This is only the case if it a regulated deal ( which I think it probably is). Contact the finance company and dig out your contract.
    Credit Card - 10,261.46 8000
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    2166.85 2031.42
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    2292.222332.25 (my miscalculation)
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    Why is there so much month left at the end of my money?
  • LindsayOLindsayO Forumite
    398 posts
    dear tightasafish, no real advice form me, just lots of sympathy, 18 months ago I separated after 25 years of marriage and was left to pay the mortgage and support the kids alone. Although both my kids were over 18 when he left they still had expenses to meet and looked to their parents for help. My ex didnt even get my youngest an 18th b-day present!
    Like others have said, it can be done, hold your head high, and be kind to yourself. Another place to look for support is the Citizens Advice Bureau (if you haven't already thought of it) they have a website with extensive, and I found accurate advice. Good luck and keep posting, there is alot of support on this board as well as good practical advice. The Up Your Income one is good too, as there are lots of suggestions for ways to make a little extra money on there, and every little really does help
    LindsayO
    Goal: mortgage free asap
    15/10/2007: Mortgage: £110k Term: 17 years
    18/08/2008: Mortgage: £107k Mortgage - Offset savings: £105k
    02/01/2009: Mortgage: £105k Mortgage - Offset savings: £99k

  • ((hugs)) to you.

    First things first, take a deep breath and try not to panic. The breakdown of a longterm relationship is harrowing (trust me i know from recent experience!) but adding financial worries into the mess must make things worse.

    A full SOA will help you see exactly where you can and can't afford to make payments.

    Seen as the car is in your name only then you have the power to deal with it. Contact the HP company, explain you are in financial diffuculty and see what they will do to help.

    As for the house, your ex is as obliged to pay the mortgage as you are. Keep a record of everything you pay as it can all be taken into account when you split the equity. Do you want to stay in the house? Would your ex be willing t be bought out? You only have £7K equity so selling fees would quickly eat into that - might be worth offering him £3.5K to relinquish his claim on the house - but this only works if you know you can afford the payments alone.

    Good luck
  • A friend of mine is going through something similar at the mo where her husband stopped paying the mortgage etc. She contacted the mortgage company and because his name is on the mortgage they bill him for 50% and her for 50%. So, contact the mortgage company you should be able to halve your payment until sold.
    This is an excellent piece of advice, although double check with your mortgage company - my ex husband moved out and stopped paying his share of the mortgage too. I found that whilst my lender was more than happy to have his new address, they still wanted 100% of the mortgage and they told me they didn't care who paid it - basically it was down to me to pay the lot. I don't want to be the voice of doom though, your lender may well be more sympathetic than mine was. I ended up getting a lodger... we're getting married soon :D

    Good luck with it all, it really does come out in the wash.
    Wedding date 31 October 2008 - MSE style of course :D
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    26.01.09 - I'm finally mortgage & debt free :j
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