How to get dh on board the dfw train???

redmel1621

Hi

I'm after a bit of advice please.

Since coming on this site I have cut back LOADS, we have changed suppliers for our utilities (due to change again shortly!) We have been over on old style which has helped me cut my grocery bill. I also have cut out a few bills which weren't for example less newspapers per week, lower package on sky etc.....

The result is we do have 'spare money' each week. In fact it seems like a good amount spare after bills and debt min payments have gone out. but not taking into consideration, clothes (inc school uniforms), birthdays, haircuts (for the kids) and i'm not sure really what else needs budgetting for....
But it means we have £80pw left. Now dh doesn't know exactly how much we have left over after bills but he is getting sick of me saying we are skint. He says I treat him like a kid and he has to ask my permission to buy things....which is partly true. The problem is he doesn't see the point in putting money aside for christmas etc, and I am concerned that if he knows the figures he will end up frittering it away on pointless purchases...ie console games, and similar 'rubbish'.

We have outstanding debts that I would like to start clearing, so would prefer some of this money to go there and as much as he keeps agreeing with me if he had the money in his hand and could either pay an extra £50 ff the cc or buy a game...i'm pretty sure he would choose the game. Anyway i'm rambling......i'm just after some tactics/ideas to bring him round to my way of thinking.
One problem I face is it was my idea to get both the overdrafts, cc and catalogue (although he used it too) and if i am leaving us with no 'spending' money he gets a bit narky with me as if it is all my fault.

Sorry for the long post:o

Mel x

firesidemaid

make sure than you and him have some 'pocket money' per week/month. it may be a bit slower but it will keep him on board. it his up to him what he spends his money on then and when it's gone, it's gone!

i'm like you - my oh spends all his pocket money asap - i use mine to pay off the mortgage (sad, i know....)

good luck x

MrsTinks

My OH was slow to jump on the waggon too but he's here now. I think if I'd gone 100% "no frills" he'd have objected to the point of it getting to an argument! Keep SOME treats and you might find he'll come along a lot easier too If you have £80 spare a week tell him you have £40 and suggest to him that you use about £10 to overpay on debts and split the rest so £15 each to spend as you like - try it for a while and see how he deals with it

jak

Don't tell him how much is left over! Yours is a tale i'm familiar with, and i'm sure you'll get lots of responses! If I were you i'd do the spending money thing just until you can get things paid off.
J
X

redmel1621

Thanks for the replies..........
It is hard isn't it! I want to buy things as well but if we could just get these debts paid off we would be about £150 a month better off just on min payments, which is a lot of money to us, and I would actually be able to start saving......

Mel x

GeorgeUK

Not got a significant other so can't really speak from experience. My take on it though is that you both need a treat or something to look forward to from all your hard work so that you do not get ground down and as your DH seems to be at times, bitter about having nothing to show for all the hard work - no reward.

I'm glad you mentioned saving in your last thread. Alot of people trying to deal with their debts do not realise they are sometimes only an interest rate rise away from not being able to make all the payments (hopefuly this doesn't include the MSE'ers).

If you live beyond your means, you wil get into debt.
If you live within your means but do not save, you could easily get into debt.
I don't think your hubby has grasped this part yet so i agree that you may need to mother him a bit with regards the finances.

Are you in sole control of all the finances?
If so, could he be feeling left out and unable to contribute?

Perhaps if you had a series of small goals to achieve and kind of played a bingo style game to get a completion on each debt task, at the end there could be a reward for the two of you. Something to keep him focussed on saving yet motivated so that he can see an achievable end to the task. Alot of people are not happy facing up to the fact that getting into debt may have taken years and getting out of it will as well. Sorry - no-one would be happy about that, but you know what i mean)

It may seem neverending, but you need to break it down so that you can see the progress you have made as well as know what your next step or challenge will be.

Hope that made sense. :rolleyes:

redmel1621

I like the sound of having a reward at the end of each mini goal......something to aim for! Instead of just the clearance of a debt, which sometimes feels pointless.

Most of my debts are relatively small, there's just quite a few of them. I am going to sort out a priority list and hit one at a time....then we can have a little treat at the end of each one. It will be satisfying seeing each one disappear.

One question, do you all start with the high interest ones first or the smallest ones first?????

Mel x

bank_of_slate

Get saving those £2 coins too, they add up really quickly!
...Linda xx

GeorgeUK

It depends :rotfl:

If you have a creditcard account with a low apr but also a low balance to clear, if you have kept that account in good order (no late payments or defaults) then it may be better to clear that first. When you ask to close a CC account, you are sometimes offerred an incentive to keep the account open - like a 0% offer on BT's for 6 months or LOB offer. If you have a limit on the card that you can transfer another debt to, or one of the high interest debts, then this could be more beneficial than trying to just clear the high APR's first.

If you aren't interested in tarting your cards like this then clear the high APR and pay minimum on all the others. There are no guarantees that you will be offerred an incentive from the "customer retentions" department but it can sometimes be worthwhile - especially if one card can clear another that you can do the same to or the card allows super balance transfers. (can BT to CC or current account - so you could clear an overdraft or loan with cash).

Have a look at the snowball calculator to see if you think it's worth the effort - and maybe ask hubby for his opinion too.

klane

redmel - have a look at the snowball calculater on here - it'll show you the best way of paying off your debts - you put in the amounts and interest rates etc - it's interesting, and you can play around with amounts and see what difference it makes.

Personally, I would tackle high interest first - that'll be the cheapest way (high interest is giving more of your money to a complete stranger!). However, how low is your smallest, and how many individual debts are we talking about? If you need a motivational boost, some folks choose to pay off a couple of the smallest first, as that can feel like more "immediate" progress. See what I mean?

I agree with George about having some treats built in - and you don't have make them mega expensive! You need smaller goals to give you things to focus on achieving... step by step does it! And having some spending money each if you can manage it is good too.

If you do do spending money each, you can not tell your OH off for what he spends it on - that's his bit of cash to do whatever he pleases with. Same for you. If you / he saves it or pays off debt, fine. If you / he spends it on magazines, games, kebabs whatever - fine. But when it's gone, that's it for that week/month. He'll soon appreciate the value of a fiver! And in the long term, you need that shift of understanding / attitude towards money.

Better if takes a little longer and creates good habits for your future, than he gets all miserable and resentful for the sake of some "pocket money" - that'll only hurt your relationship and is more likely to end in binge spending!

Maybe you can include him a little more in some of the reasoning, or set him some small tasks so he feels more involved? eg, something like researching different TV packages for example - something that'll appeal to him, that's a bit of a challenge - how much can you get for the smallest outlay kinda thing. It's a bit "sticking it to the man" if that makes sense? It's our money, we earnt it, how can we get X, Y, and Z, without having to give away too much of it to that big corporation who don't need it etc...

I also found that pointing out how much you can save by cutting back a few quid was a good eye opener. Check out the Demotivator on here if you haven't yet. A £2 cup of coffee a day, over the course of a working year is hundreds of poiunds.... or a week's holiday for two on a good island deal!

What are the interest rates on your debts at the moment? Have you posted up a full SOA (statement of affairs) yet? Maybe we can help you get the interest rates down etc too?

Good luck! I have an OH who sounds a bit similar to yours... but he's getting better, bit by bit!!

redmel1621

Thank you all so much for your understanding and input.

I think I will knock a few little ones off then tackle the high interest ones...thing is we haven't got a very good credit rating and can't get any of the 0% cards (have tried) in a way I think it's a blessing in disguise.

you are all lovely for taking the time to reply to me, I know he will get better in the end and I am probably trying to be too strict, something for us both to work at I think;)

Mel x