when life feels like its going wrong....

melie3

hi all,
just feel a bit low.
my DH was diagnosed with hepatitis A, 2 months ago. he is now clear, but during testing, they found out he is also diabetic. this is on top of the crohn's disease and osteoarthritis he already has. he is only 36. he didnt get paid at work last month, so we are down 1k, and havent got enough money to pay mortgage. he has now returned to work. i last week was dianosed with tinnitus, after 2 severe ear infections. this noise is doing my head in now. its probably made worse with stress i guess. ive 3 kids too, i just feel very alone. the diabetes is the nail for us. his mother is insulin dependant, and has already suffered a heart attack, and my father is type 2 and has a string of diabetes associated problems, so we are just worried for what the future holds. i feel my mortgage is a noose around our neck, and that we are on a tightrope. we have about 60k equity in the house, my parents have said maybe we should rent incase my hub cant one day work.

mum=money_under_mattress

i recently sought this poem out when i was feeling down, hope you can smile soon.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will.
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about.
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

churchrat

hi
sorry to hear about the bad time you're having right now. Bad things a like buses and always come along in groups. Time for a big mug of tea and a sit-down to "think" about where you are. We had a terrible few yrs and I must admit that at times I just ran around like a headless chicken. so many things out of my control, so many things I had to do but i couldn't think of a sensible way to get started. As you say, the diabetes thing was the final staw, but you seem to have been managing before this happened, and you will be able to manage again.
For me, a way of coping was my LISTS
I had lists for everything. I had my "priority "list and my non-urgent list and my people-to-see list. Each time I did a task I would cross it off and I guess it gave me feeling of control.
How do you feel about contacting the mortgage company? Do you have other debts? Are you taking care of yourself and getting help with the tinitus?
Good luck with it all, just keep posting, sometimes it helps to rant for a while and some of the good people on here have great advice.

sylphraven

Just a big hug from me & remember, when you get to the bottom of the barrel the only way is up.
Hope things improve for you soon.

melie3

churchrat wrote: »

hi
sorry to hear about the bad time you're having right now. Bad things a like buses and always come along in groups. Time for a big mug of tea and a sit-down to "think" about where you are. We had a terrible few yrs and I must admit that at times I just ran around like a headless chicken. so many things out of my control, so many things I had to do but i couldn't think of a sensible way to get started. As you say, the diabetes thing was the final staw, but you seem to have been managing before this happened, and you will be able to manage again.
For me, a way of coping was my LISTS
I had lists for everything. I had my "priority "list and my non-urgent list and my people-to-see list. Each time I did a task I would cross it off and I guess it gave me feeling of control.
How do you feel about contacting the mortgage company? Do you have other debts? Are you taking care of yourself and getting help with the tinitus?
Good luck with it all, just keep posting, sometimes it helps to rant for a while and some of the good people on here have great advice.

hi,
i know what you mean by lists, i do the same, otherwise id just forget.
have spoken to one account with regards to mortgage, but they say it will no longer be with them once we default, but it will go to RBS credit services who will have more powers to help us. we already had £1800 arrears , which weve managed to get down to £650 and was due to have it paid end of this month, but we wont get there so hence why they are not helping us. its just that my DH is under emence (sp?) pressure to work, that i fear he will make him self even more ill. he isnt one to be off ill anyway, but its more a' what if he cant work one day'. its not really the diabetes which worries, its all the other things diabetes causes, his mother has it and has had a heart attack, and my father almost went blind with retinopathy due to high blood pressure. just cant see the wood from the trees at the mo. i do also have other unsecured debts, and we are paying them all about £1 p/m, so no worries here.

k1mmie

Big hugs to you. I know it feels like the world is at your feet when everything is thrown at you. I agree with other posters, try to keep focused and deal with things as they come along otherwise you get snowed under with the worry and pressure.

I wish you good luck and good health for hubby and keep us posted on how you are getting on. It really is great to get it out to someone other than your partner who is also worrying.

All the best.

tazz233

I just want to give hugs too.
I've been going through a bad time for 2 years now and I am praying that life is now on the upturn. Its true, eventually things will get better, even if they are pretty rotten now.
Try and look at the positives, as rare as they may be, this has helped me- You have a wonderful loving family by the sounds of it and you should feel blessed

I have another quote to add to mum=money under mattresses poem. Life is both positive and negative, never one or the other but like a dance, where one takes the lead now and again.

ailuro2

I'm a bit of a cheery pain in the backside sometimes, because I always try to look for a silver lining in every cloud, and you know what? I've been proven right on quite a few occasions that the things that are sent to try us sometimes end up in things being a bit different, but also for the better.

Yuor DH's HepA, if he hadn't got it, he would not have been diagnosed with diabetes, which if left untreated can lead to more serious consequences, as you already know - the lining in this particular cloud is he's able to adjust his diet to suit from now, he has not waited until he gets so bad they put him straight onto medicinal treatments to sort him out. My MIL ended up insulin dependent after 6 years of not looking after her bloods, even though we begged her to follow the advice, so it could be a long time yet before it ever affects your DH. Try to get new advice pertinent to your DH, your parent's info might be out of date.

you have also managed to go from £1800 behind on your mortgage to £650, that's two thirds paid off! that's an achievement in itself, :T try to believe that your DH will be able to work this month and that you will get back on track and hopefully soon forget what you were worried about.

If you sell now to rent then you might be better off in the short term, but you're also tying yourself in to always paying rent. This would be feasible if you could get a local authority home, but what are the chances of that happening? Only you know where you live now, and whether you'd stand a chance of one. Moving to a private landlord offers less stability than getting your mortgage paid off - then you know you've a roof over your head and not be paying rising rent all the time. You're only 36,remember.

Try to keep your spirits up, listen to some music when the tinnitus is bad - and try to work out how many instruments are playing -it helps to concentrate on something else to make you less aware of the ringing.

Good Luck, our best wishes are with you!