When do you let a child out alone??

Lunar_Eclipse

Hi Roxie

We moved into our current cul-de-sac just over 4 years ago when my girls were 2 and 3 (almost 4). They played out for short periods 'unsupervised' fairly quickly, at their request - instigated by the eldest (obviously). They are both mature, bright and mentally sharp girls. I was very happy for the oldest playing out but much less comfortable about the 2 year old playing out. BUT she wanted to play out with her sister so I let her but kept her within eyesight without her knowledge. As time passed and our confidence in their skills grew, we allowed them more freedom. At 3, my eldest had excellent road safety skills. The youngest took much longer to possess the same strength.

They are now 8 and nearly 7 and play outside for hours with their friends unsupervised. Riding bikes, climbing trees, in gardens & houses. They have a brilliant childhood. We discuss personal safety with them, staying with a friend etc. I'm very comfortable with them playing in what is as safe an environment as can be. But it took time and I had to 'let go' to a certain degree.

I would not let them walk to school alone, although at some stage I will to maximise their personal development. Anyone see Child of our time last week? One key message was we are generally failing our children by not giving them enough independence and freedom. I am only roughly replicating the childhood I had for my children, whilst taking into account increased road traffic.

We have to trust our children. Otherwise it says we need to be doing a much better job!

Most (all?) children locally get themselves to and from school upon entering secondary school. It is 'the done thing.' I can recall being 11. It is actually quite old. I was very responsible and trustworthy at that age. The ones that go to private school walk to the bus stop around 7.15 to catch a bus to school. Many walk or cycle to our senior school, which is just under two miles away. It seems that independence away from the home grows enormously during Years 5 & 6 (age 10-11) with children shopping with a friend, going to movies, walking to and from school, going to the tennis courts etc. Yikes!

Lunar_Eclipse

moggitymog wrote: »

I read once that children can't judge the speed of traffic until they are around 8 yrs old, this may be worth considering.

I haven't read that statistic, but it did make me wonder whether this is a 'hard fact' based on (minimum) brain development that applies across the board or an 'average statistic' based on development. I rather suspect the latter, thus some children will have mastered this at 5 or 6, whilst others don't until 10 or 11.

I have a couple of friends with what one could describe as 'airy fairy' children (their words!) who would not expect them to have good road sense by 10, which others will find quite staggering due to their own childrens' more astute abilities.

thinkginge

i personally was never just let out to play, or toddle off on my own. but at about the age of 6 was allowed out the front with a few friends.

personally, my son is 3and a half. we live in a very quiet street in a little town in scotland. in the street there are two households, who literally have let their kids out to play unsupervised from the age of two, which i think is shocking.

the problem is now though, that my son now stands at the front window watching them all play outside and looks forlorn. makes me feel blinkin awful. but theres no way hes going out to play in the street at 3 1/2

stokechick16

My mum did not let me walk home from school until i was at high school. It was nice in a way as i had company to walk home with and she would always ask how my day had been.

Its a very dangerous world now, and some sick people. Sorry if i was not allowed to put that .. And i would not dream of letting children until the age of 9/10 to walk home alone.

My mum would also ring me if i was late from school in high school - she is a worrying person.

ailuro2

moggitymog wrote: »

I read once that children can't judge the speed of traffic until they are around 8 yrs old, this may be worth considering.

The report I read they were 11...

My DD is allowed out to play now she is 9 1/2, she did get to go round the back to a friend's house last year by herself, but only for small amounts of time.

This year we made a concious decision to let her out more, because she has to learn sometime, the area where we are is quiet traffic-wise, and she has been given strict boundaries about where she should go, and a watch so she can report back on a regular basis.

She soon comes back when no-one else is out playing,though. Not many kids her age live in our street, despite it being 100yards from a school (which she walks to by herself, has done since age 6)

kisto

My children are 9 & 11 and have been playing out since they were 5 & 7. We live on a quiet cul-de-sac with several families. I'm at the far end of the the cul-de-sac and the kids school is at the other end ( a couple hundred metres). This is as far as they are allowed to go. They only play out if there are other children out (their choice). The other children range from 5 - 13.

When they were younger we bought a four pack of two way radios (these ones) that have a range of about 5km so that we could stay in touch. Both kids now have a mobile phone instead.

Occasionally they will ask to go to the shop to buy sweets and they do have to cross a reasonably busy road, but they normally go with an older child.

I've broken my foot at the moment so they have to be that bit more independent and will have to visit the shop more often to help me out.

This year I have started leaving my 11 year old ds at home on the odd occasion. It's never for more than an hour (usually only about 30 minutes). He's a very calm, sensible lad and I trust him completely. I doubt I'll feel the same about leaving dd when she is 11, as she is a bit wilder and seems to take more risks.

ailuro2

ps My DD goes to a self-defence based martial arts class, so I feel a bit more confident in her ability to look after herself if someone should try to harm her..it's not bulletproof but I think older kids are more of a realistic threat than say a stranger picking them up off of the street.

Jaiden_2

andyrules wrote: »

Re the school walk - if possible start letting them go alone before they start senior, so they can practise more safely. If you have a younger one to take, try letting the older one leave the house first and then you can discreetly observe that they have arrived. Alternatively, start by walking some of the way with them, eg past any hazard, and let them go alone the rest of the way. Walking with a friend helps too. It's really about letting go a little at a time rather than wait for a magic age. This is where all your years of drumming in road safety and Stranger Danger kicks in!

Re leaving children home alone - there isn't really a hard and fast rule, but it would be an offence to put a child at risk. Here is a useful link.

Just a few months ago i finally gave into letting my daughter walk to school with her best friend who lives just down the road. As she starts senior school in September, i realised that i had to do it. On the first day she left the house a little earlier, as i have 2 younger children, and went to wait for her friend.

I was a nervous wreck and as soon as i got into the playground i scanned it to find them and all was well. 2nd day passed without fuss but on the 3rd day which was a friday, the school lollipop lady told me to go find her as some girl had had a go at her! She was sitting crying and had a cut on her finger. I discovered that some girl (who was younger!!) had grabbed her and thrown her to the ground after first taunting her and her friend.

My daughter could easily pass for an 8yr old even tho she has just celebrated her 11th birthday and i think this was the reason i didnt want her to go anywhere by herself. After a talk with the headmistress, she had the school caretaker patrol the road where it had happened with his big dog! and this girl was seen again near the school f***ing and blinding but thankfully we havent seen her since.

I thought my daughter would want to go back to walking with me but she really showed me up for the wuss i am, by sticking to her guns and walking to school again with her friend on the following monday.

Her senior school is only about a 10 min walk but i'm gonna be a nervous wreck all over again in September!!

DeeDee74

one of the poster's made a good point.... sorry can't remember the name off hand. but thank's for the good idea...
it was about giving a little at a time so this week ive decided im going to walk so far then let them go the rest of the distance on there own...
mind you i will be still be able to see them go into school..

then i will start dropping them off further away..
untill i feel confident to let them go alone...

Nikkisun

My son is 7 and often goes out to play by himself or with friends around the same age.

We bought him a digital watch with an alarm and set the alarm to go off after 15 minutes, he knows when the alarm sounds he has to come home and 'check-in', we then set the alarm for another 15 minutes and off he goes again. As he gets older obviously we'll increase the time periods.

He can tell the time but we discovered that when he was out playing checking his watch for the 15 minute timeslots was not his greatest priority!!